


Birth of an Ordinary life

by Multifandomfuckfest



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-02-26 04:28:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 55,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2638076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandomfuckfest/pseuds/Multifandomfuckfest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Donna wakes with huge gaps in her memory and a missing Doctor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Donna Noble was used to strange happenings. So, when she awoke to a cry in an unfamiliar bedroom foggy headed she didn’t give it a second chance, “oi, what happened last night,” she murmured opening her eyes. Forcing her eye lids to remain open in order to allow her eyes to focus Donna peered around the room. She certainly had never been here before. In fact it looked like an office. Before her was a cluttered old fashioned desk. On one side was something she would barely classify as a book shelf and monitors in odd places.  
Pushing the light blanket off of her Donna sat up, looking around. The walls were see through, outside was more equipment and screens. Through the door she could see a man with his back to her. He couldn’t be the Doctor, nowhere near slim enough, yet he wore a long coat that rivaled that of her spaceman’s. Standing Donna felt a rush of dizziness course through her. She was trying not to focus on the fear that lingered at the back of her mind but that quickly subsided once she saw the TARDIS safely parked.  
“Here,” Martha said walking up to the man and handing him a bottle, “little guy sure likes to eat,” she chuckled.  
The man nodded as he took the bottle and adjusted himself, “no doubt like his father,” he agreed. Donna couldn’t see what was in his arms from this vantage point but she figured it must be a small child.  
Seeing Martha had convinced Donna that there certainly was nothing to fear and she shuffled out into the open area wiping the sleep from her eyes, “how much trouble did we get into last night,” she asked coming up to them.  
They both turned in unison, revealing that the man was in fact holding a child, a young one at that, it couldn’t be much more than a week old. “Donna, you’re awake? How are you feeling,” Martha worried.  
“Rough to say the least. How much did we drink,” she mumbled as her head began to pound.  
The small child in the man’s arms began to whimper, “I think he wants his mom,” the man suggested looking at Donna.  
“Is she with the Doctor,” Donna inquired, “how mad is he about last night,” she worried aloud.  
Martha and the man shared a look before Martha carefully began to approach her as if someone would a rabid animal, “Donna what do you remember,” she carefully asked.  
Donna thought back and it took some serious concentration focus on her last memory, “the Doctor and I were investigating some company. He promised a proper vacation after. Isn’t that how we got here,” she puzzled. Seeing their faces is what made her worry, “where is he,” Donna pushed suddenly needing to see him.  
“We don’t know,” Martha answered. “He wasn’t with you when you landed.”  
She shook her head, “what do you mean? That’s rubbish. I certainly don’t know how to fly the TARDIS that well. What is this some retribution over drinking too much and calling him a pansy,” Donna questioned.  
The baby in the man’s arm fussed again. He removed the bottle from its mouth and shifted the child so that he could burp it, “this baby isn’t yours,” the man asked.  
“Oh God no,” Donna cackled, “what is it with you two? Where is the Doctor,” she demanded.  
“Maybe you should sit down,” Martha suggested.  
Donna shook her head refusing to, “what is going on,” she growled. “And don’t lie to me either,” she warned Martha.  
Martha took a deep breath, “the TARDIS materialized here last night while we were working late,” she began. “We waited but no one came out.”  
“It’s a good think Martha still had her key,” the man interrupted.  
She took a step toward Donna, “you were lying on the grating cradling the child in that,” Martha pointed to what Donna was wearing.  
Looking down she realized she was wearing a hospital gown, “what in the,” Donna gasped. “Where was the Doctor? Where is he,” her voice screeched in panic.  
“We couldn’t find him anywhere. We searched all over the TARDIS,” Martha explained.  
“Did you try his cell,” Donna pushed feeling herself get worked up.  
Frowning she nodded, “he didn’t answer. The phone is on the TARDIS.”  
“If I was passed out I couldn’t have piloted,” Donna realized. That only meant one thing, emergency protocol one, “oh God,” she sputtered, “he’s dead.” At this realization Donna’s legs gave out allowing her to collapse to the floor.  
Rushing to her side Martha helped her up and to a chair as the child in the man’s arms began to fuss more, “he really wants his mom,” the man urged.  
“If I don’t know where the Doctor is then I certainly don’t know where his mum is,” she sobbed. How could she have let something happen to the Doctor?  
The man placed the baby into a cradle that had taken residence on a nearby desk and began rocking it, “are you sure the baby isn’t yours,” Martha suggested.  
“Wouldn’t I know if I had a child,” she lamented.  
“You clearly have holes in your memory, are wearing a hospital gown and are married. The child would fit you more than us,” he pointed out.  
Donna couldn’t believe her ears, “I’m not married,” she protested, “see no,” she paused looking down at the simple gold band on her finger. It wasn’t any old band but that which the Doctor had given her that far away day on top of a London building, “I can’t be. He can’t be. I’d remember. I’d remember if I was married. I’d remember if I became a mum right,” she rambled in disbelief.  
“We are going to figure out what happened,” Martha promised taking Donna’s hand. “I should check you out and then we can find something for you to wear,” she offered forcing a smile on her face.  
Before Donna could gather her thought and stand an alarm began to sound. The man, who Donna still had not been introduced to detached his cell phone from his belt looking at it, “We’ve got a call. I have to go. I’ll call the team. Martha we’re going to need you,” he noted.  
Martha looked up at him, “Jack we’re a little busy here at the moment,” she reminded him. He took a step forward, showing her the screen, “shit,” Martha muttered pausing for a moment. “You’re going to have to call Tosh,” she resigned, “I’m not leaving,” Martha decided.  
“I have to go,” Jack repeated, “call if you need anything. I’ll try to keep things under control,” he said jetting out.  
Donna let the silence linger between them, “what is this place,” she finally asked looking around at the cold demeanor of everything.  
“Torchwood,” she explained, “think more secret than MI-5,” Martha noted.  
“And that man,” pushed Donna.  
Smiling Martha sighed, “that is Captain Jack Harkness. Hasn’t the,” she paused realizing it might not be the best subject to bring up the missing Doctor when so much was still unknown.  
“Yeah,” she nodded, “but I had never seen him.” The baby began to cry and Donna’s heart ached. Martha stood up to attend to the child but before she could pick him up Donna stood, “don’t. Let me,” she insisted although not entirely sure why.  
The baby continued to cry as Martha met Donna’s eyes, watching her carefully, “it’s no bother,” she assured her.  
Walking over to the cradle Donna looked at the baby for the first time. He was a beautiful child by any description. The fine brown hair covered his head and his eyes were wide open. Once he saw Donna hovering over him he stopped crying instantly, “hello there,” she bubbled reaching down to pick him up, “there’s nothing to worry about,” Donna reassured him gently rocking the child.  
He cooed in her arms as Martha looked on, “he likes you,” she commented. “How did you know he was a boy,” Martha asked.  
Looking up at Martha she shrugged, “I don’t know. He just seems like a boy, don’t you,” Donna chatted turning back to the baby in her arms. “The problem is you need a name don’t you sweet thing. What are we going to call you,” she continued as the baby mewed. She turned to Martha again, “what does he look like to you,” she asked taking in his beautiful brow eyes.  
“James,” she suggested as the baby grunted.  
Donna laughed, “I don’t think he likes that, do you little one,” Donna beamed. She briefly thought about the odd fact that she felt oddly comfortable around this child, maybe he was hers. “You don’t seem to be an Ethan either,” she decided.  
Martha watched Donna’s interaction with the child, “Alec,” she suggested.  
“Alec, Al-lick,” Donna enunciated, “no, not an Alec,” she shot down as the child flailed his little arm up gripping her breast through the hospital gown. “What about Thomas,” she questioned. At hearing this name the child’s head turned toward her body nuzzling against her breast and closed his eyes, “I think Thomas it is,” Donna giggled.  
Noticing the fondness Donna exhibited for the baby Martha couldn’t help but smile, “I think he is sleepy. Do you want to set him down and we can make sure you are okay,” she proposed.  
“Have you looked him over,” Donna worried realizing that he also could have something wrong.  
Taking a step closer Martha softly cupped Thomas’ head feeling his soft skin, “I already did. When you first got here I scanned over you to make sure you were ok then thoroughly gave him a physical,” she assured her.  
“He’s healthy,” Donna inquired, “he feels a bit cool,” she fretted.  
Martha withdrew her hand, “he is perfectly healthy,” she repeated. “I think his core temperature is lower because of his time lord genes,” she revealed.  
“Time lord,” Donna choked out, “he’s a time lord,” she began to panic. There was only one way Donna knew that this child could be a time lord and the fact that she felt so connected to him didn’t bode well. Donna faltered looking for somewhere to quickly sit. She plopped down in the chair still holding Thomas, “I’m a mum. The Doctor and I. Something must have,” Donna started before remembering how the last child of the Doctor’s came to be. “Maybe it’s like Jenny,” she countered her own mind before hopefully looking up at Martha.  
Her shoulders sunk, “I only gave him a physical,” Martha confessed.  
“Then how do you know he’s a time lord,” Donna dared praying that she was wrong.  
“He has two hearts,” Martha confessed making Donna even more conflicted.  
Two hearts. Just like how she had proved to the Doctor that Jenny was his. But you didn’t just generate a baby. She and the Doctor. Something must have happened. How long had they been investigating that company? Donna burst into tears at all the unknowns, “why can’t I remember,” she sobbed.  
Reaching out Martha went for the child, “here let me take him,” she said as Donna handed Thomas over willingly hiding her face in her hand. Placing him in the cot Martha returned to Donna’s side, “I don’t know why but Jack and I will do everything we can to help you find your missing memories. We’ll help with the baby too,” she promised.  
Sniffing her tears Donna reached out hugging Martha, “what am I going to do,” she whimpered.  
“We will help you through. We’ll take it one day at the time. And we will find the Doctor,” she vowed.


	2. Chapter 2

Walking down the stairs and into the medical room Donna held the cot close to her. Not out of fear for Thomas but rather as a way to avoid what they were about to do. The little blanket that lay over him left only his tiny fists and head visible. His left fist met his pursed lips as if he was pressing a kiss to them. His plump little cheeks and angelic closed eyelids made her want to hold him even more. She tenderly stroked a finger across his cheek causing him to open his mouth and Donna smiled at the innate trust the small child had in her.   
Martha opened the door, “you can set him here,” she said clearing an area for Donna to place the cot.  
Seeing a medical gown on the counter Donna suddenly felt disgusted, “can I change into one of those,” she hoped.  
“Yes,” Martha agreed. “We’ll keep that one and maybe it can provide us with a clue,” she hoped.  
Donna just wanted to be free of the gown that she couldn’t remember. She flawlessly slipped one off as she scurried into the other one without revealing any of her body, “um,” he voice faltered, “do you need my pants off,” she questioned looking down at her black underwear.   
“Hopefully not. I can tell from an external ultrasound if you’ve given birth in the last six weeks,” she informed Donna.  
Nodding she listened, “what if it was longer than that,” Donna worried.  
“He isn’t more than eight weeks old,” Martha assured her.  
Donna sat on the exam table laying back. She closed her eyes rather than stare at the ceiling. The only thing on her mind was Thomas. Thinking of him calmed her although she wasn’t sure why. But the idea she could be his mother was something she suddenly wanted more than anything. She pulled her gown up, revealing her stomach for Martha and then focused on Thomas. He would need a proper crib and clothes and toys. They would need a birth certificate of some sort for him too. Donna’s body jerked as ice cold wand connected with her skin, “anything,” she asked.   
“There is no evidence that you have given birth recently nor been pregnant,” Martha informed her.   
It took a moment for Donna to gain her bearings again. He wasn’t hers. Then who did he belong to? “Where is his mum then,” she questioned refusing to open her eyes fearing the tears that were threatening would dare to escape.   
“I don’t know,” Martha answered. Donna could hear her footsteps across the floor, “we could run his DNA. It could come back with information.”  
Taking a deep breath Donna shoved all the feelings down within her. She opened her eyes sitting up, “would it be able to tell if the Doctor is his father? He could be generated like Jenny right? A different type of machine,” Donna found herself hoping.  
“You know as well as I that with the Doctor anything is possible,” she guessed.   
Slipping off the Table she walked over picking the baby up. She looked at his sleeping form in her arms, beginning to pull open the onesie he was wearing, “where did you find the clothes for him,” Donna asked.   
“It was in the diaper bag you had,” Martha recalled. Donna’s eyes widened, “you didn’t have a diaper bag if he isn’t yours,” she realized.  
“Where is it? Where is the diaper bag,” Donna asked furiously.  
Martha thought back to where the last place she had seen it was, “Ianto’s desk,” she almost shouted in excitement.  
Running up the stairs Donna was careful not to jostle little Thomas too much but that diaper bag could lead them to his mum as well as to the Doctor. Seeing it she used one hand trying to pull things out of it, diapers, formula, clothes, bottle, rattle, “there is nothing here,” she frowned realizing that their lead had turned up empty.   
The tears she had been holding gave way, “I just wanted him to have his mum,” she sniffed, “everyone needs a mum and I thought that maybe we’d,” Donna broke off.  
“You thought it’d lead us to the Doctor. We have other options, let’s go run his DNA and find out who his mum is,” Martha suggested. Donna nodded as they headed through the door to the lab on the left. Donna continued to undress the baby, “I just need his foot,” she explained.  
Donna pulled the tiny foot and toes out. Feeling the coolness against his body the baby shivered nuzzling his face into her chest again seeking warmth, “he is rather precious,” Donna smiled gently stroking the bottom of his foot as his toes curled in response.   
Preparing everything she would need to run the DNA sample Martha laid out the instruments on the counter, “he sort of makes me wonder if I wouldn’t like one of my own one day,” she confessed turning to them with a pin and microscope slide.   
“It won’t hurt him too much,” Donna hoped worrying her lip.  
Smiling Martha alcohol swabbed the bottom of his foot, “he should barely feel it, just a prick,” she assured Donna taking his foot in her hand and pricking it before allowing the blood to hit the microscope film. The baby only jerked a tiny bit before clutching Donna’s shirt with his tiny hand. Setting the glass down she handed Donna a tiny patch bandage to place over the hole in his foot and prepared the slide for viewing.   
“Shhh, you’re okay,” Donna rocked him zipping his outfit up. Putting the slide under the microscope Martha stiffened, “what is it? What’s wrong,” she gulped.  
Martha tucked her hand into her pocked pulling out her phone and pressing speed dial, “Jack you need to get back here now,” she ordered pausing for his response, “trust me this is way bigger,” she said hanging up.  
“You haven’t run the DNA yet,” Donna protested beginning to tremble. What could be that big that they needed Jack.  
Liking her lips Martha sunk onto a nearby stool, “you better sit for this,” she warned.   
Donna’s heart stopped, “the Doctor is his father,” she pushed.  
“That is the Doctor,” Martha revealed. 

She couldn’t have heard her right, “no. How,” Donna shook her head.  
“I don’t know,” she sighed. Martha was a lost as Donna.  
Looking down at the baby in her arms Donna couldn’t fathom that it was her Doctor, “what happened to you,” she questioned gently tracing the outline of his face.   
The door to Torchwood burst open as Jack ran onto the floor, “what happened? Did you find the Doctor,” he panted looking around for them.  
“In here,” Martha called still stunned.  
“Did you find out where the Doctor is,” Jack questioned.   
Donna turned holding the baby as tightly as she could, “you’re looking at him,” she said beating Martha to the punch.   
Jack froze, “seriously,” he questioned as a smirk rose across his face.  
“Don’t,” Donna warned, “this isn’t something to joke about,” she affirmed.  
Nodding Jack agreed, “right,” he said quickly thinking, “have you run the DNA?”  
“Not yet I didn’t need to I know it’s his as soon as I saw the sample,” explained Martha.  
He turned to her, “the best thing we can do now is figure out what happened. Run the DNA, throw every test at it we have.”  
In her own little world Donna wandered out of the lab and into Jack’s office. She sat on the couch staring at the Doctor in her arms, “we’re going to find out what happened,” she promised pressing a kiss to his forehead. Sitting there she rocked him until he arm became sore and continued even after it went numb. Donna didn’t dare set him down, something bad could happen. She lost her memories and now look at what happened to the Doctor.   
Stirring in her arms the Doctor opened his eyes. Welcomed by her smile he smiled in return, “good morning, did you have a nice nap,” she asked. The Doctor stretched in her arms, opening his mouth he began to wail, “is someone hungry,” Donna questioned standing up. Donna walked over to where the upturned diaper bag was. Had the TARDIS provided it for them? She measured out the correct amount of formula and went over to the water tap finishing preparation.  
Donna hadn’t even noticed that the Doctor had calmed as soon as he had seen the bottle until she went to offer it to him, “of course you’d be a smart baby,” she smiled placing the bottle in his mouth. She leaned in breathing him in and lingering her lips by his ear, “send me a message, something, tell me what to do,” Donna begged.   
Jack and Martha approached her, “can we talk,” they asked.  
Taking a deep breath she knew this couldn’t be good by the looks on their faces, “you don’t know what happened do you,” she said already knowing the answer.   
“No,” Jack noted.  
“So you don’t now how to undo it,” clarified Donna.  
Martha leaned against the counter obviously drained, “nothing about his DNA has been altered. It’s exactly the same. No drugs in his system, nothing. There is no explanation,” she responded.  
“We have to wait, continue researching,” Jack suggested.  
Donna shook her head, “what and then once he’s old enough to talk he’ll be able to explain what we need to do,” she shot.  
The two of them stared at her, “hopefully we find out how to fix it on our own,” Jack said optimistically.  
“Hopefully,” she scoffed, “my best friend is trapped inside a baby’s body. We don’t know how it happened or what took place. What if it happens to me?”  
Martha placed her hand on Donna’s shoulder, “we haven’t given up,” she began. “We still have the TARDIS. Maybe I can find where you guys were. We could run more tests, try to find out why your memories are gone,” she suggested.  
“And if that does nothing,” she sighed.  
Jack shoved his hand in his pocket, “we find a home to raise him until he remembers,” he offered.  
“No,” protested Donna, “that’s not an option. He’s not leaving my side. I’m not, I’m not leaving his,” she instructed.  
Nodding Jack smiled, “then we’ll help you,” he promised.


	3. Chapter 3

The last two weeks Donna and the Doctor had established a pattern. Their days would be spent at Torchwood running tests and hoping that something would be discovered to help restore the Doctor. At night Donna and he would nap and play at the hotel Jack had provided for them. It was full of toys and items, everything an infant his age would every want or need. It was during the night hours that Donna felt most comfortable, curled up in her jim jams, as the Doctor sat in the bouncer or laid beside her in his mosses basket looking up and smiling at her, like he trusted her completely. Then again he was a baby, he had not much of a choice other than to blindly trust her.  
During those fourteen days they had learned a lot. She had quickly discovered he wasn’t a fan of dummies. Spitting them out every time anyone propped one in his mouth, no he much rather preferred her finger. He didn’t like the harness either, preferring a sling so he could be closer to Donna even if it meant she was kicked more. His legs were always moving just like his grown self. The Doctor also loved to be tickled, whether it was his feet or belly he loved it and would laugh for hours at a time. However, he was not a fan of baths or nappy changes most likely due to his lacking clothes, or so Donna assumed.   
It was on the fifteenth day that Jack sat her down privately in his office. Donna knew it wasn’t going to be a good conversation from the look on his face, “we’ve tried everything,” he began, “the TARDIS either can’t or won’t tell us where you were or what happened. The few times we’ve tried to scan him he screams for hours, even your own scans have not been easy,” Jack continued.  
“So what you’re going to give up,” scoffed Dona unable to believe that he was trying to urge her in this direction.  
He frowned taking a bottle out of his desk and pouring himself a drink, “want one,” asked Jack holding the bottle of whiskey up in offering.  
She looked down at the Doctor sleeping in her arms, “does it look like I want one,” she deadpanned.   
“Donna I think it’s time we move onto the next step,” he suggested.  
Clutching the Doctor closer to her, fear coursed through her, “what exactly is that,” she worried.   
“Waiting until he can tell us what to do,” Jack explained.  
Donna nodded thinking over what he said, “we raise him, like a normal kid,” she said plainly. Jack opened his mouth to protest, “no, there is no other option because what if he never remembers?”  
“I can find a family,” he agreed.  
“No, just like I said before I’m not leaving his side. He’s my best friend Jack,” she paused looking at him, “he’s defenseless,” her voice quivered.   
Smiling Jack opened his drawer pulling out a file. He stood and walked over sitting beside her, opening it, “that’s what I thought you would say.”  
“You planned this,” she asked confused.   
“One thing I learned long ago, always have a back up plan. I’ve had my people working on this the last week,” he said opening the folder. A key fell out into his hand as he began to flip through paperwork, “birth certificates, lease agreements, bank accounts, a car, everything you could ever need,” Jack showed her.   
She took the birth certificate into her hand, reading it, Thomas John Smith born at University Hospital of Wales on the 23 of November 2009 and 22:35 to mother Donna Smith and father John Smith, deceased. “If anyone asks you were married to his father, John and widowed. Anyone who looks it up will find this,” he said holding up a photograph of her and the Doctor on the day they met, a staged announcement and forged wedding certificate.   
“What about my family? It’s going to be Christmas soon. My mum will never forgive me. I can’t just show up with a baby,” she rambled.  
Jack grinned taking another drink of whiskey, “we can plant memories or wipe them,” he hinted.  
Licking her lips Donna considered it for a moment, “we’d only have to manipulate one,” she snickered. Donna shook her head, “I guess I can tell her I adopted,” she shrugged.   
“I could baby sit,” he offered.   
Donna eyed him chewing on her lip, “or not,” she clarified.  
There was a knock on his door and Donna looked up to see Martha standing there, “do you want to have a look at your new flat,” she asked.   
“I have to go to the hotel, pack our things and,” she was cut off mid-sentence.  
“It’s already been done,” Jack interrupted, “and you’ll be needing this,” he said handing Donna a credit card under her new alias.  
She took the card looking at it, “you certainly were sure of yourselves,” she skeptically said.   
“We tried everything Donna and I told him you wouldn’t leave the Doctor. I,” Martha cleared he throat looking at Jack, “we wanted to make sure that you had everything you need and more. Especially since we don’t know how long this will take. You’re a stone’s throw away so if anything happens you can be protected,” Martha assured her.   
Standing Donna walked over hugging Martha then Jack, “thank you two,” she said. If she was stuck without the Doctor in a working form the TARDIS sure got it right when she landed herself in Torchwood.  
“Wait until you see it,” Martha exclaimed giddy.   
Donna laughed at her behavior, “I’m sure it’ll be fine,” she acknowledged.  
Taking her hand Martha shook her head, “no, really, I’ve seen it. Jack really out did himself.”  
Buttoning up her coat with the Doctor close inside as they walked out the door Donna quickly realized they weren’t kidding when they said her new apartment was close. They walked across the street and turned right entering into the apartments there. Using her key to let them into to where she and the Doctor would reside the next few months Donna was awestruck. The open floor plan showed a fantastic open living room, kitchen and dining room combination.   
What shocked her most was everything was already set up. The white kitchen cabinets were completely stocked with dishes and cooking utensils. Thankfully there was a huge coffee maker plugged into the tile back splash. The light wood floors led to a brown couch and recliner set in front of a television and the baby necessities that they had already procured, “everything has already been baby proofed and your bills are set to be taken care of,” Jack confirmed before Donna even had the thought. He took her hand tugging her out of the room, “come see his,” Jack urged.  
Seeing the Doctor’s room her knees almost gave out, “oh Jack. Did you do this,” she wondered in awe.  
“I used to be a dad,” he blushed meeting her eyes then looking down at the bundle obscured by her coat, “it’s the room he deserves,” he said.  
Along the ceiling were twinkling lights, with a white crib against a light grey wall littered with silver constellations and planets. Above the crib read shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll land in the stars, with a painting of a boy sitting on a crescent. There were beakers, DNA structures and nuclei all over the crib bedding with a mural of electronic waves on another wall above a rocking chair.   
Martha walked over to the chair and picked up a stuffed robot, “you brought him from the hotel,” Donna smiled.  
“I noticed he wasn’t open and took it on myself,” she explained, “I think he needs a friend,” Martha said holding the robot out to Donna.  
Taking it she looked at the grey, square stuffy, “I was scared to open him, that it would mean the Doctor isn’t coming back,” she teared up.   
“I told Jack if the Doctor was getting a room fit for a king, then you deserved one for a queen. You really are a goddess for doing this all,” she mentioned.  
Donna let the complement disappear, “I’m only doing what any of us would,” she assured Martha.   
“Go look at your room,” she urged, “first on the right, bathroom is on the left,” she directed.  
Walking down the hallway Donna felt extremely self-conscious. They had done so much for the Doctor and she didn’t know how long he was going to be an infant, what if he changed back next week or tomorrow and she certainly didn’t need anything more than a bed to sleep in. Opening the door it was very obvious that Donna had much more than a bed to sleep in.  
Before her was a dark purple ruffle comforter across a beautiful be, there was a vanity in the corner with her items from the TARDIS. Next to the bed was a bassinet for the Doctor and a changing station. There was a television on the wall and a desk with a laptop and printer, “you really didn’t need to,” she started but Jack prevented her from finishing her protestation.   
“Every file we have on the Doctor is loaded on that computer. Maybe there is something we’re missing that you won’t,” he explained.   
Stepping forward Martha patter his back, “that’s my doing, I told him that the super temp in you wouldn’t let go until you had tried everything,” she smiled.  
The doorbell rang jolting her, “who knows we’re here,” she panted protectively placing her arm over the Doctor inside her coat.  
“That would be Ianto,” Jack cheered leaving Martha and Donna.  
Looking around Donna shook her head, “you guys really didn’t have to,” she repeated.  
“For what you’re doing you deserve everything. You know the Doctor would say that. Look at what he’s done for my family and I,” she reminded Donna. “I’m just a phone call away and so is Jack. You’ll get to know Gwen, Ianto and Tosh more, I don’t like that Owen much though,” Martha confessed.  
Donna bit her lip, “are you not sticking around then,” she hoped but from the sounds of it she already knew the answer.  
“I was on loan from UNIT. They need me back. Phone call away,” she promised carefully embracing Donna and ensuring not to squish the Doctor.   
Jack cleared his throat from the door, “dinner is ready and will soon be cold,” he explained.  
Following them out Donna could feel the Doctor begin to stir. Unzipping her coat she looked down into his bright brown eyes, “hello,” she beamed, “our friends really have outdone themselves this time,” she addressed him tickling his cheek. The Doctor began to fuss and Donna knew that only meant one thing, “I’ll be out in a mo, gotta change a dirty nappy,” she called turning back to the bedroom. Slipping her coat off Donna laid it on the bed taking the Doctor out of the sling. He opened his mouth beginning to wail as soon as she popped open the bottom of his jumpsuit, “don’t you even mister,” she warned, “we both know making a fuss isn’t going to get this over any sooner,” Donna said undoing his nappy and grabbing a wipe to clean up his mess.   
Grabbing a fresh nappy she looked up seeing Jack, “doesn’t sound like he enjoys that very much,” he commented.  
“Well would you if your mate was having to clean up your mess,” she shot fastening the clean nappy. Seeing the grin on his face Donna shook her head, “don’t,” she growled, his reputation being well known to her already. “All done see,” she said smiling at the Doctor as she hooked his outfit back together and picked him up. He smiled looking at her, “you’re in there right? Please, give me a sign that you’re in there,” Donna begged as the Doctor cooed.  
Jack came up beside her, “of course he is,” he assured her, “here let me take him tonight,” he offered. She was about to protest when he almost had the Doctor in his arms, “I’ll be here. I’m not taking him anywhere. Just giving you a break so you can eat without a baby around your neck,” he promised.   
The Doctor smiled at Jack blowing bubbles with his spit, “okay,” she sighed taking the sling off as Jack took the Doctor fully away from her.  
She watched him carefully as they ate their coconut curry and tikka masala that Ianto had worked so very hard on. Donna even allowed herself a glass of imported Indus cabernet sauvignon that they had. When she was ready for bed Donna hugged Ianto, Martha and Jack goodnight after they agreed to let themselves out but Jack refused to let her take the Doctor with her, “I promise I’ll bring him in and change him before I leave,” he vowed. It was against her better judgment but the one glass had made her tipsy so with Martha’s encouragement Donna ambled to bed and shed her clothes crawling into her new bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Waking to the noon sunlight it took a moment for Donna to realize where she was. Seeing the clock is what thrust her into panic mode. She looked around and the Doctor wasn’t in her bed. Sitting up too fast Donna had to brace herself against the night table to catch her bearings before standing to find an empty bassinette. She pulled her phone off the table calling Martha as she ran into the nursery, “hello,” Martha greeted.  
“He’s gone. The Doctor is gone. He’s not in the crib I don’t know where,” she paused hearing the television on in the living room.   
Peeking around the corner Jack was sitting on the couch holding the Doctor who was leaning against his knees giggling as he was tickled, “Donna,” Martha worried.  
“Never mind, Jack has him,” Donna said mindlessly, “sorry,” she apologized before hanging up.  
Donna hurried over taking the Doctor from Jack and pressing kisses to his face, breathing him in to calm herself. The Doctor’s eyes were wide, full of confusion, “do you know how scared I was? I thought someone kidnapped him,” she snapped.   
Jack raised his hands in innocence, “I’m sorry. He’s fine. Look at him,” he pointed out.   
Maybe she had acted too harsh. Donna pressed another kiss to the Doctor, “I’m sorry,” she said closing her eyes. “I just, I,” she was lost for words.  
“You panicked like any mom would not finding their child where they expected to,” Jack reasoned.  
“He’s not my child,” she reminded him although she was trying to remind herself more.   
Standing Jack gave her a look, “he has been for the last two weeks. Sit, I’ll make breakfast,” he said walking over to the kitchen, “do you have anything in mind,” Jack asked.  
She didn’t even hear his question she was so focused on the Doctor. Had he gotten bigger? He was holding his head up, on his own. Certainly he wasn’t doing that last night, one night and she had already missed something major, “he’s holding his head up,” she exclaimed, “you are such a brilliant baby aren’t you,” she beamed pulling her head back as her cheeks blushed realizing what she said. Donna shook her head, “I’m sorry, of course that isn’t a big milestone for you. You’ve already done this all before,” she sighed.   
“You can still be proud of him, it’s above any age of a human baby,” Jack said startling her. “What would you like for breakfast,” he repeated his earlier question.  
Licking her lips she shrugged her shoulders, “anything we have,” she replied.   
“You know he probably won’t remember what is going on, his brain is most likely too small right now or he could repress these memories, you know the fact that you, Martha and I have all seen him naked at this point. I’d wish I could repress them if I were him,” Jack laughed. Donna rolled her eyes ignoring him, “besides everyone enjoys encouragement,” he reminded her. Well, that may be true enough she thought.   
She put her finger in front of his face lightly pressing the tip of his nose, “you are rather cute,” she whispered, “how could I not adore and praise everything you do when you look like this,” she beamed. The Doctor reached his tiny palm out and grabbed her finger smiling back at her. She took the robot from the coffee table and began to make it walk towards him, sneaking up into the Doctor’s vision field and capturing his nose causing the Doctor to squeal with delight.   
Jack walked over handing her the eggs and a hot cup of coffee, “thank you,” she said repositioning herself as he reached out to take the Doctor, “I’ve got him, you have things to do,” she reminded him.   
He frowned, “it’s no bother,” Jack offered.   
“Go save the world or something,” she smiled, “really, thank you for the breakfast. I think we’re going to have a quiet day and maybe go to the park or get some Christmas decorations for this place,” she said smiling at the Doctor and pressing a kiss to his nose, “would you like that? Go see Santa Clause? Although I’m sure you don’t believe in Santa Clause,” she laughed to herself.   
“Just be careful and take your cell phone,” he reminded her.  
Donna looked up at him, “yes sir,” she gibed back as he left before picking up the remote and changing the channel to something he supposed the Doctor would like. She repositioned him so he could see it and turned on the science channel. Donna was surprised to hear him begin to cry, “not in the mood for that today then,” she said continuing to flip through the channels before the Doctor cooed as she met with Paddington bear. “You have got to be kidding me,” Donna smirked leaning in and pressing a kiss to the side of his head.   
As he watched Paddington bear on his many adventures Donna ate her eggs and drank her black coffee, not wanting to disturb the Doctor to get the all important creamer Jack forgot. When she was done she sat there watching the Doctor light up as she waited for the episode to finish. As the credits ran she turned the telly off and picked up the Doctor, “what shall we do today? Nice walk about the park? Down by the bay? Go to the mall? We do have a credit card,” she beamed.  
The Doctor just laid on his changing table kicking his feet about smiling as he watched Donna. His face went serious for a moment as his movements slowed and he gave a long grunt that was quickly followed by a large juicy fart, “if you think I am going to forget this when you’re back,” she roared with laughter beginning to unbutton his one piece. He began to fuss, “don’t you even dream of crying after that show,” she told him as his little lip quivered. Undoing the outfit Donna quickly realized a bath was going to be in order, “you’ve done it now mister oncoming storm,” she sighed throwing the poop covered outfit into the bin followed by the diaper and worked to clean him up enough it wouldn’t drip as she walked to the bathroom.   
Running water into the baby tub Donna held the poop covered Doctor to her chest trying to prevent him from catching a chill. He reached up grabbing her hair, “oi,” she warned taking it from his hand as he laughed, “you just wait until you have hair mister. I’ll put you in a play group and hey can pull on your hair all they want,” she paused. Thinking this over Donna shook her head, “what am I talking about the girls will be all over you, you’d be the six month old pimp making all the girls swoon,” she rolled her eyes at the Doctor’s ability to attract his so called unwanted attention. “And God forbid if you become a toddler. I will spank if I need to,” she continued setting him down in the warm water and beginning to wash him, “don’t you think for one moment if you deconstruct my television it’ll be a game.”   
Unlike the other baths she had given him, he appeared to enjoy this one giggling and yipping as she soaped him up and he hit the water with his tiny fists. “All clean,” she chirped taking the elephant hooded towel off the hook and wrapping him up in it, “let’s go find you something to wear,” Donna cheered. There were certainly plenty of outfits to choose from, for a long time. They really had outdone themselves. She couldn’t help but laugh at some of the ones that resembled something the Doctor would wear. In fact, Donna couldn’t resist picking out a body suit with a knotted tie down the front, black pants and converse looking socks.  
Once the Doctor was properly dressed she snapped a picture and texted it to Martha unable to avoid sharing it with someone. Donna sat him in the bouncer on the bed while she got dressed. She paused looking at him before walking over and turning the bouncer slightly so he couldn’t see her get dressed. Donna didn’t want to take any chances. Picking out a red shirt to match the tie design and blue jeans Donna slipped into her bra noticing that it fit tighter than she had remembered. Donna took a deep breath before exhaling snapping the back and struggled to adjust the girls like she often did during that time of the month before tossing her shirt on. Once dressed she quickly pulled her hair up into a pony tail and grabbed a coat for the Doctor, bundling him up before working on herself. Set to go with a full nappy bag, formula and pram the two set off for their first day on the town.   
The crisp autumn air wasn’t as cool as she expected it to be as they walked to a nearby Tesco. Walking in Donna shopped around looking for Christmas gifts. Maybe if she found something good enough she could get out of going to visit her mum. Finding a few knick nacks and some adorable outfits she couldn’t resist getting for the Doctor she went to check out, “you have such a lovely child,” the clerk commented, “how old?”  
Donna floundered for words, “um, he’s um, 10 weeks,” she guessed pulling the credit card out from her purse and glancing over at the Doctor.   
“He looks just like you,” she said scanning the items from Donna’s basket.  
She tried not to laugh, “um, thanks,” she acknowledged.  
“What’s his name,” the woman pushed.  
“Thomas,” Donna smiled.  
The clerk typed in a barcode that refused to scan into the computer, “you and your husband must be so proud,” she said making Donna almost break.   
“No, we’re not,” she shot, “or, um, I mean,” Donna sighed. She bit her lip staring at the Doctor, “sorry, um, lack of sleep and all. His father isn’t around. He, um, he passed away before the birth,” she lied.  
The clerk gasped, “I’m so sorry,” she apologized beginning to check Donna’s items out faster. Paying Donna tried to escape as fast as she could. Walking along the sidewalk she wasn’t sure why she felt so sad and helpless. Maybe she just hadn’t prepared herself as well as she had thought.   
Looking down at the sleeping Doctor she couldn’t help but smile. The clerk was right, he was precious and completely adorable. As if reading her mind the Doctor startled away blinking his eyes at her. Donna reached down tucking the blanket closer around him to prevent the cool air from getting to him as the Doctor began to cry. Knowing what he wanted Donna provided him her finger as they walked the remaining few feet to the park.   
Finding a bench Donna plucked him from the pram as she picked up the nappy bag filling the bottle with formula and giving it a good shake, “here you go,” she soothed providing him with the nipple. She sat watching children play on swings and slides as she fed the Doctor. Donna was beginning to feel uncomfortable with how well this felt when she shouldn’t be taking advantage of the Doctor’s situation. These conflicted feelings were almost too much and completely confused her and messed with her emotions. She watched the Doctor who had brought a hand up to help hold his bottle, “I think that’s beyond your age range too mister,” she laughed shaking her head at him, “like I would expect anything else,” she admired.  
Her ringing phone startled her and she struggled to keep the bottle in the Doctor’s mouth as she searched for it in her pocket. Seeing the caller ID didn’t make her want to answer it anymore either but she knew she had to deal with this one day, “hello mum,” she answered.   
“Thanksgiving’s come and past without as much as a word from you. Are you planning to do the same for Christmas,” Sylvia inquired.  
Donna gulped, “I’ve been busy mum,” she began to protest.  
“Too busy to call your mom and wish her well or let me know you’re okay. The last I heard is you sent your gramps a postcard over six months ago. He said you’ve sent emails but not one phone call,” she prattled on.  
This was it, she had to say it, get it over with, pull the band-aid off. “Mum, I’ve moved to Cardiff,” Donna began.  
“Did you find a new man other than that ratchet doctor to pay your way,” she shot.  
Donna rolled her eyes, “no. I’m working here for a nice company,” she sighed. “Um, actually, I have news, good news, great news,” she hoped her mum would agree. “I’ve become a foster parent. I’m looking after a baby for a while. His name is Thomas and he has the most gorgeous brown eyes and cutest dimples,” Donna explained.   
“A baby? You’re taking care of a baby? You’re that well off with your job,” Sylvia screeched surprised.   
She couldn’t help but smile, for her mum that chalked up to pride, “yeah. Well, he sort of landed in my lap. So, like I said I’ve been busy so I might not be able to make it to Christmas,” she tried.  
“You will do no such thing. You are raising a baby and you will certainly bring him here to visit,” Sylvia declared. Donna could hear mumbling in the background, “yes dad Donna is fostering a baby and is bringing him to Christmas and boxing day,” she told Wilfred. Rolling her eyes she knew her mum never got a hint but maybe the infant Doctor would be enough to keep her mum off her back.   
Clearing her throat Donna looked down at the Doctor who was just finishing his bottle, “hold on mum,” she instructed taking the bottle and turning him up to burp him, “I’ve really got to go, super busy raising a newborn you know,” she partially fibbed. “I’ll see about Christmas if I can,” she said.  
“Donna I want pictures. Send me pictures on the internet mail so your gramps and I can see,” Sylvia begged.  
“I will if I have time. Really got to go,” Donna repeated hanging up. She set the phone on the pram edge as she began to burp the Doctor, patting his back and rubbing any potential gas up.


	5. Chapter 5

The next few days Donna and the Doctor had set into a new pattern. They would wake throughout the night, for feedings and diaper changes, and go for a walk to get fresh air or run errands, careful to avoid others that she was hesitant to interact with. The rest of their day consisted of tummy time and reading the many books on baby development Donna had picked up verifying that the Doctor was developing above that of a human child. Jack would stop by every other day and call multiple times a day to check in on them. It was at his insistence that Donna was even getting a tree. She knew the Doctor hated Christmas and she wasn’t a big fan after her botched wedding but Jack said it would give her something to do and was bringing by a tree later that day.   
Donna lay there in bed thinking about all the things she still had to do before the train ride the next week to visit her mum and gramps, everything that needed to be packed for the Doctor and all the gifts that still needed to be bought. They had been invited to the Torchwoood Christmas party and although Donna wasn’t in a party mood she didn’t dare tell Jack no. Not that she hadn’t tried. And here she was unable to sleep focusing on everything that needed to be done rather than doing it.   
The only thing Donna heard in the pitch black room was the wail of the Doctor. Rolling over she glanced at the clock before turning the side lamp on, “half past one. You only fed a half hour ago,” she sighed, “wet already,” Donna asked peering into the mosses basket that was still in use despite the perfectly fine crib and bassinette. She put her hand down, checking his diaper but it was dry, his little bottom lip was trembling and fresh tears sprang from his eyes much unlike his typical cries. “Oh baby, what’s wrong,” Donna questioned quickly picking him up and holding him to her. She bounced the Doctor gently pacing the room. Donna noticed that as she began to hum and was closer to the window the Doctor seemed to calm, “are you looking at the stars,” she smiled. “Yeah, you like them don’t you,” Donna noted continuing to sway as she hummed.   
The Doctor began to whimper, “hey, it’s okay, you see all those stars, that great big world they’re all watching over you,” she promised him as she began to sing, “look at the stars, look how they shine for you and everything you do. Yeah, they were all yellow,” she tiredly croaked out as the Doctor stilled in her arms looking at her. “I know it’s not a traditional nursery rhyme but since when has any of this life been normal,” she chuckled continuing, “I came along, I wrote a song for you. And all the things you do and it was called yellow. So then I took my turn, oh what a thing to have done and it was all yellow. Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones. Turn it to, to something beautiful. Do you know? You know I love you so, you know I love you so,” Donna whispered the last part pressing a kiss to the Doctor’s small little head and laid him in the bassinette for the first time since they had moved in. She turned the knob setting his star mobile into motion as twinkle, twinkle little star began to play and yawned crawling back into bed.  
After finally falling asleep Donna was surprised to find the Doctor slept for his longest period yet without a feeding. She sat up seeing it was nearly nine and he hadn’t even made a whimper for a nappy change. Scrubbing her face Donna flopped out of bed over to the bassinette. But the Doctor wasn’t there. Instead was a note reading we are in the kitchen. You were both sleeping so I let myself in. She recognized that hand writing anywhere.   
Laying on his stomach the Doctor was in his pushup position smiling brightly at her as Jack laid on the floor beside him, “you can’t go around letting yourself in anytime you want even if you pay for this,” she grumped walking over to the coffee maker. There was a fresh brewed pot and cup sitting out with creamer beside it, “not even if you come with coffee offerings,” she shot.  
“We had plans and I was worried when you didn’t answer the door or your phone,” he offered sitting up. “It was dead by the way, should be fully charged by now. He’s been fed, changed and bathed,” Jack said as the Doctor gurgled in agreement.   
She curled up in the chair, “I was up half the night,” she sighed sipping the steaming coffee.   
“Did you keep your mom up,” Jack asked rolling the Doctor over and beginning to tickle him.  
Donna watched as the Doctor flailed helplessly giggling, “no, I kept myself up. Thinking,” she commented.  
He picked the Doctor up placing him between the two of them, “were you thinking about how cute my big brown eyes are,” mocked Jack in a fake baby voice.  
“I wish, more like everything that needs to be done,” she shoo trying to put the thoughts off.   
Jack stood walking over to her and sitting on the couch, “let me help,” he suggested.  
“You have enough to deal with running Torchwood,” Donna scoffed watching the Doctor suck on Jack’s finger as drool ran down it.   
“You can’t do this alone,” he reminded her. Turing to look at the Doctor, Jack held him up in the air, “today you two are under my charge,” Jack ordered. “Let’s get your mummy in the Christmas spirit,” he beamed. Jack’s face scrunched as he took a long sniff, “well let’s change your diaper first.” The two of them got up to leave the room but Jack turned to her before disappearing from view, “go, get ready, we can get something to eat out,” he told her.   
Getting dressed Donna didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to go out with Jack and she certainly didn’t want to be in the Christmas spirit. Donna threw on an emerald top and jeans tossing her hair up and refusing to wear makeup. Noticing the pain in her breasts she turned her bedroom heat up to prevent the heat from getting to them and pulled on a sweater.  
Seeing Jack dressing the Doctor she couldn’t help but laugh, “are you seriously dressing him in a button down and jeans,” she laughed.  
“He’s a baby, he has no choice in the matter,” Jack winked fighting to get socks on the tiny feet. Rolling her eyes she went to grab the nappy bag, “it’s already packed,” he said.  
Donna worried her lip, “how are you so on top of things when I feel like I’m struggling to keep up,” she sighed.  
“I’ve been a dad. And I may have extra resources at my disposal,” he smiled picking the Doctor up. “Are you ready,” he asked grabbing the car seat which surprised Donna the most.  
She watched him carefully, “where are we going,” Donna demanded.  
“You’ll find out, come on,” he coaxed handing her the infant Doctor and taking the diaper bag, car seat, sling and stroller.   
Once settled in the car Jack turned to her, “just relax today and have fun,” he begged.  
As much as Donna wanted to say no something in her was ready to not be the one in charge, “okay,” she promised.   
Arriving at the mall Donna wanted to break her promise. There were too many people, and it was so full of the holidays she wanted to puke. Christmas trees were everywhere and even if she still needed more presents she detested this entire holiday this year. Donna went to grab the sling when she realized it wasn’t the one they usually used, “this is the wrong one,” she complained.  
“I thought he might like to use that one and see all the lights and people,” Jack suggested.   
Donna shook her head, “he doesn’t like this one. Now he’s just going to cry the entire time,” she chided.  
“If he does I’ll handle it,” Jack assured her beginning to strap the carrier on.  
“What are you doing,” Donna asked confused.  
Jack paused mid snap, “harnessing this thing so I can carry him,” he answered as if it was plain as day.  
“I don’t think so,” she informed him taking it off and beginning to put it on herself, “I will be carrying him,” she corrected, “you’re too much like the Doctor. If something bad happens you’ll have to run off and you won’t be taking him with you,” she informed Jack. Realizing he wasn’t going to win he let her go, and helped Donna get the Doctor situated smiling when his hand brushed against her breast, “oi, careful with the goods they aren’t in the mood to be manhandled,” she growled enough to cause even Jack to blush.   
Walking in the mall Jack’s smile reached both his ears seeing the fake man dressed as Santa, “oh we have got to get a picture,” he laughed.  
“The Doctor would have both our necks,” Donna warned as Jack reached his arms out.  
Oblivious to what was about to happen to him the Doctor was babbling as he took in the various colors and people around him, “better the reason. Black mail,” Jack said. The Doctor didn’t even stand a chance reaching out to Jack so trusting as they went to stand in line.  
“If he ever asks I did everything I could,” she began to state.  
Bouncing the happy Doctor Jack allowed him to pull on his nose and ears as he blew raspberries at his stomach, “he certainly won’t remember this if he isn’t protesting,” assured Jack.   
“He does like you,” she smiled watching the two of them.  
“Let me come to your mom’s for Christmas,” Jack blurted.  
Donna couldn’t believe her ears, “no, why would you even want to?”  
“It might make it easier,” he paused, “a second pair of hands ad all,” Jack suggested.  
She watched the happy families in line before them, “what it would make is my mum lose her mind,” Donna explained.  
“I could be the nanny,” he supplied.  
Shaking her head Donna bent down so the Doctor could reach her mouth that he was trying to put his hand in. She pressed a kiss to it, “you don’t want to your mean old gran to lose her mind do you,” she laughed as the Doctor began to cry, “oh God, you really must understand what we’re saying huh. You really don’t wanna go to Sylvia’s any more than I do,” she sighed. “Good think Gramps will be there. We’ll sneak out and go watch the stars with him. How do you like that,” she suggested pressing another kiss to his hand as his from turned back into a smile.  
“We’re next,” Jack warned.   
She looked up at the family on the podium, “there is no us buddy. I’m not getting in a photo with him and Santa. It’s bad enough I’m letting you get one of him,” she said thinking of how adorable he looked in his sweater and button down.   
As the lady motioned for them to come up Jack handed the girl dressed as an elf the infant Doctor, he smiled as they took his picture and Jack paid for multiple copies as well as a digital file, “he is so going to kill you,” Donna laughed looking at the finished product as the wandered along the mall.  
“Do you have any decorations for the tree? Stockings? Lights,” Jack inquired.  
Donna took a deep breath, “I’m really not in the mood for Christmas,” she confessed.  
“That’s why you need this,” he urged, “come on,” he said taking her hand.   
Within the next hour Jack had bought all the required necessities for Christmas and decorating a tree, except for the tree of course. He even got Donna to relax enough to give up the Doctor to him as she picked up more gifts. Pausing in the window, she saw the most beautiful telescope, “he’s too young for that,” Jack reminded her catching her staring at it.  
“It isn’t for him. My Gramps would love it,” she sighed. Jack smiled walking in the store, “what are you doing? I can’t afford that,” Donna protested.   
Jack walked up and grabbed the telescope taking it directly to the counter, “I can. How else will your grandpa show the Doctor the stars,” he suggested. Seeing a jewelry store across the way Jack pointed it out, “go pick out something for your mom. It’s on me,” he told her.  
“I can’t, it isn’t,” she stammered.  
“Go,” Jack urged.   
Donna was just browsing she told herself but when she saw the beautiful emerald earring and necklace set she knew she had to get it for her Mum. Sylvia had always loved emeralds. Buying the set Donna went to meet Jack again but he wasn’t in the store. Fear coursed through her as she looked around trying to find them. Donna had just reached a security guard to report them missing when Jack came up to them, “where did you go,” she panted ripping the Doctor from him and holding him close, “how could you just take him like that,” she cried.  
“He needed his diaper changed. All taken care of Jack winked. Are you ready to go home and decorate? I have a tree waiting for you that deserves a proper lighting,” he beamed.  
Taking a deep breath she nodded, “I think we’ve had enough fun for today huh love,” she asked kissing the Doctor’s cheek.


	6. Chapter 6

Her buzzing alarm ran too early in the morning but Donna knew she couldn't hit snooze this time. She had to get up and start packing if they were going to make it to her mum's in time for dinner. Donna checked on the Doctor fast asleep in the bassinette before hopping in the shower and getting dressed. She wanted to look nice but not too nice. Laying out everything she would need, she packed the Doctor's bag with more things than he could possibly use in the next sixteen hours. Donna peeked at him, still asleep and went over with his outfit for the day. Removing him from the bassinette he nuzzled into her, "its okay love, you can sleep longer," she comforted unhooking his sleeper and changing his nappy before getting him dressed.

The cool morning air prevented the Doctor from falling back asleep however as he began to cry becoming aware of his nakedness, "I don't like this any more than you," she noted feeling her breasts ache. Donna looked at the time, bloody hell she wasn't even going to have time to stop by a chemist for some midol before the train either. "Come on," she said sliding his pants over his squirming legs, "we have to hurry," Donna chided picking him up. She pressed a kiss to his cheek, "you rather are cute," Donna beamed as the Doctor smiled at her.

A knock on her door brought Donna back to reality, "that'll be Jack, we've got to go," she said as much to herself as him. Grabbing the bags, Donna tossed them over her shoulder, turning the bedroom light off as she left the bedroom. Before she could make it to the living room Donna could hear the click of the lock, "what have I told you about privacy," Donna instructed, seeing his face.

"For all I know you could have slept through the alarm," Jack offered. "Here let me take those," he said removing the bags from weighing her down.

"Thanks," Donna said looking around. She walked over unplugging the tree that Jack had set up and currently had the Doctor's attention captured. As the lights turned off the Doctor blinked as if it was magic clapping his hands pleased.

Jack laughed witnessing this, "well someone's easily pleased," he smiled.

Donna's phone alarm beeped, "we have to go," she urged hurrying out of the house and locking the door.

Helping them to the train Jack off loaded all of their bags and the Doctors car seat, "are you sure you don't want me to come," he questioned.

"No, go to Ianto's. We'll be fine," she assured him as the boarded, "and Jack merry Christmas," Donna wished, turning to find a seat for her and the Doctor.

As he began to whine Donna prepared a bottle watching the English landscape pass by, "shh," she calmed taking him from the car seat and propping the bottle for him. Donna rocked him once he was finished until he fell asleep, setting him back in the seat so she could get a quick nap herself.

Arriving in Chiswick Donna definitely had mixed feelings about being home. Obviously the Doctor did too, sniffing as he woke up peering out of his car seat. Donna looked around for a familiar face, seeing it she ran over to the old man, "Gramps," she cheered hugging him tightly amidst a ton of baggage trying to fall down, "where's mum," she asked looking around.

"She's at home working on dinner. I couldn't leave my favorite granddaughter to take a cab home now could I," Wilfed beamed.

"I'm you're only granddaughter," she reminded him.

Wilf laughed pulling her in for another hug before letting her go, "so who is this little fella," he questioned.

Donna set her bags down retrieving the Doctor from his car seat, "you two have actually met before," she cautiously said. "This is the Doctor," Donna explained.

She wasn't sure if he hadn't heard her or was stunned into silence, "the alien," he whispered, "what happened?"

"I wish I knew," Donna sighed, "it's a long story and I don't want him to catch a chill. How about a cuppa," Donna suggested shifting the infant in her arms.

Helping her with her bags they piled them into the car so that the three of them could catch up. Ordering a coffee and muffin Donna watched as the Doctor played with his robot flopping it around the highchair that had been provided for them, "that's really the Doctor," he whispered.

"Yeah. I woke up on the TARDIS with him like this. I don't remember anything and he can't help," she paused, "yet," Donna added.

His phone rang startling them both, "we're on our way," he assured whom Donna could only figure to be Sylvia. Closing the phone he pulled money out of his bill fold, "we better be on our way. You know how your mum is," he chuckled.

The Doctor reached up to him as Wilfred stood, "I think he likes you," Donna giggled.

Wilfred ruffled his hair, "do you want drive," he asked picking up the infant Doctor. The Doctor patted Wilf's cheek babbling and smiling at him while trying to pull at his whiskers.

"He must really like me," Wilf chuckled as the Doctor put his hand in his mouth.

Donna watched the two of them, "enjoy it while you can. He's the closest you'll ever have to a great grandchild.

"There's still time," he said, "don't give up," Wilfred encouraged.

Donna buckled the Doctor, ensuring he had his robot while in shaking her head, "I'm too old now," she disagreed yawning as she pressed a kiss to the Doctor's head and sat in the driver's seat.

"You're never too old. You never know what lies ahead," he suggested.

Putting the car into drive Donna couldn't help but agree with him, "well if you would've told me I'd be raising a child that is really a alien I wouldn't believed you," she scoffed.

Driving down the familiar street Donna parked in their driveway, "are you okay," he asked noticing her tense.

"I'll be fine," she promised exhaling sharply and glancing in the back at the Doctor who was wide awake and looking around, "we both will be huh love," Donna noted.

Getting out of the car she grabbed the Doctor and their luggage. They hadn't even reached the door when Sylvia swung it open, "dear Lord did you get a breast job," Sylvia spat seeing her daughter's cleavage.

"No, what are you talking about," she asked looking down and seeing the top button had popped off somewhere on the train. "He must have yanked at it," she suggested holding up the Doctor to cover them.

Sylvia reached her arms out, "come to gram," she coaxed at the Doctor. Looking up at Donna his lip trembled as he clutched onto her desperately.

"He's a little shy," Donna lied trying to hold back her laughter.

"Do you guy want to do presents before dinner," she suggested, "I'd like to catch the train before it's too late."

Sylvia's mouth gaped open, "you're not staying the night," she pushed.

"I told you I have work tomorrow. Besides it's our first Christmas," she reminded her mum.

Obviously miffed Sylvia must have made the decision to forgo insulting her daughter to see her the newest child in the family, "hello," she smiled walking over to the Doctor and holding her hands out to him. "I'm your grandmum," Sylvia introduced herself. Donna had to quickly stifle her laughter as the Doctor started crying and shoved his face in her chest trying to get away from Sylvia, "what's wrong with him," she pushed.

"He's very shy," Donna lied catching her Gramp's smile at this declaration. Sylvia walked over to him, placing her hand on the Doctor's back and he visibly cringed, "let him warm up to you," Wilf suggested to his daughter.

Frowning she turned towards the kitchen, "I have to check the ham," Sylvia said trying not to show the hurt she felt but Donna was able to catch on.

Turning to him Donna gazed into his eyes, "would it hurt you to pretend? I won't let her change your nappy," she whispered kissing his tiny forehead.

Seeing this exchange Wilfred laughed, "he knows what's good for him. The women in this family are temperamental," he sighed.

Donna spent most the day dragging the Doctor around the house as they talked and ate dinner. His eyes were always on Donna or tracking Sylvia, weary she would get too close. He even refused to take any naps despite Donna's attempts. When it was time to open presents Donna pretended to love the book her mum bought her and actually did enjoy the pair of ear rings Wilfred gave her. Donna was pleasantly surprised to see her mum's excited squeal seeing the jewelry set and her Gramp's reaction to the telescope. Especially since he light up like a little kid opening it and eagerly began to set out to see the stars.

Seeing Wilf get ready to leave the Doctor reached out to him crying as if he knew he was about to miss out on all the fun. Rolling her eyes Donna stood up, "alright," she soothed. "Let me find your jacket and we can go too," Donna declared making her Gramps chuckle.

Bundling the Doctor then herself up Donna wrapped a big blanket around the two of them, "I have one we can sit on and cocoa," Wilfred said holding up the thermos and offering his granddaughter a week.

"Don't mind me I'll just be cleaning up from the dinner that I slaved away making," Sylvia mentioned to the two of them.

Peeking back Donna sighed heavily, "I'll help when we get back mum," she promised leaving for the allotment.

Laying under the stars, Donna watched how the Doctor stared up at them babbling and blowing bubbles in excitement as she and Wilfred pointed out the bare eye visible ones. She wasn't sure if he could actually see them or not but she liked to think so. "He sure does like them," Wilf commented.

"Yeah, you should see the bedroom he has," she began, "not that he ever sleeps in it. Do you," Donna added tickling the Doctor's nose and making him giggle in delight.

Setting up his telescope Wilf looked through it, "how are you doing," he questioned.

"I'm fine. I'm always fine," she smiled as Wilfred met her eyes.

He sat down next to her, "I know. I worry about you though," he confessed.

"You don't need to Gramps," Donna protested trying to ease his fears, "I'm taken care of. Even now, he still has my back," she smiled looking down at the Doctor who was staring at her.


	7. Chapter 7

Still lying under the stars the Doctor began to whimper. Donna watched his little lips quiver as tears began to form and he scream at the top of his lungs, “its okay love. Shhh,” she said offering him her finger.   
But he continued to cry rather than suck on it, “maybe you should get him in side he might finally be ready for that nap,” Wilfred suggested, “long day around your mum and all,” he chuckled.  
“Yeah,” Donna agreed as he began to wail even louder, “we’re going,” she encouraged. God her breasts hurt but she had to focus on the Doctor not her bloody self. She needed to calm him down, then she could grab something from the medicine cabinet later.   
Donna pulled him to her standing up and began dancing with him as she walked down to the house singing, “when you try your best, but you don’t succeed. When you get what you want but not what you need. When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep. Stuck in reverse,” she paused kissing his cheek before continuing. “And the tears come streaming down your face. When you lose something you can’t replace,” but instead of calming like the Doctor typically did to Donna’s singing of Coldplay he howled.   
“You’re doing it wrong,” Sylvia instructed as they walked in the house.   
She turned away from her mum, “I know what I’m doing,” Donna insisted. “When you love someone but it goes to waste. Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you,” she sang desperately dancing with him praying for him to calm.   
“Does he need a bath,” her mum suggested.  
“No,” she spat as the Doctor’s breathing became choked through his screams, “you’re okay, you’re safe, nothing is wrong,” Donna promised him.  
Sylvia’s mouth opened in shocked, “Donna you’re leaking,” she gasped.  
“I’m what,” Donna asked looking down at her shirt which now no longer had just the trouble of containing her bulging breasts but also had two separate wet patches developing. “What the fuck,” she panted confused.  
“Is he yours? Your and that Doctor you ran off with? He left you so you thought you could lie? He looks just like him, brown hair and eyes. I don’t know why I didn’t see it earlier,” Sylvia yelped berating her daughter. “You have a love child and you can’t even tell the truth,” she continued.  
Donna started crying unable to contain her own emotions, “he isn’t mine,” she protested.  
The front door knocked as Wilf came in having hear the commotion, “what’s going on,” he questioned.  
“Ask her,” Sylvia glared.   
Donna couldn’t handle this she ran up to her room with the Doctor who was continuing to cry, “I don’t know what you need. God, why can’t you tell me? Please” she begged. The Doctor’s little fist jerked as their eyes connected and he opened his hand grasping at her face. She held her breath waiting for the connection to be established like on the planet of the Ood but the Doctor just cried more. No telepathic message was delivered like she desperately had been hoping for. Nearly done with this whole evening Donna pulled her phone out calling Martha.   
“Hello,” she answered on the third ring.  
Biting her lip Donna took a deep breath, “I know it’s Christmas but I’m in London and something is going on. I didn’t know who to call,” Donna wept, the Doctor still screaming in the background.   
“Is it the Doctor,” Martha worried.  
“Yes, he won’t stop crying but Martha there is stuff coming out of my breasts,” she sobbed.   
Martha didn’t even hesitate, “are you at your mum’s,” she questioned.  
“Yeah,” Donna’s voice broke.  
“I’m on my way,” Martha promised hanging up.   
There was a knock on her door, “can I help with anything,” Wilfred asked peeking in.  
“Um, can you hold him? I have to get our things together. Martha is coming to pick us up,” she cried.  
He came closer taking the screaming Doctor trying to calm him without success as Donna collapsed on her bed, “you know how your mum is,” he started.  
“Don’t. My breasts hurt, I’m apparently leaking Good knows what, the Doctor won’t stop screaming and there is nothing I can do but wait for my best friend to come back,” she blurted. “Which we don’t even know when or if it will happen,” Donna sobbed in unison with the screaming baby.   
She stood going down stair as Wilf followed her, gathering the Doctor’s items up and throwing them in the nappy sack, “you don’t have to leave,” he offered.  
“I know I’m not welcome here. You are welcome to call or come any time. I can pay for it. It’s not an issue,” she promised pressing a kiss to his cheek and hugging him, “I know we’d both love it if you would,” Donna said throwing the sling on and wrapping the Doctor trying to see if he would calm with his robot.   
“At least wait inside,” Wilfred tried.  
Donna hugged the Doctor close to her aching breasts, “Martha will be here soon,” she told them both rocking the Doctor, “besides I have to get the car seat out,” she sighed making the robot dance for the Doctor with no success.   
“I’ll help,” he insisted throwing his coat quickly on and following her out the door. Wilf struggled to pull the seat out of the tiny car as Donna was helpless to assist him.  
She tried rubbing the Doctor’s back, blowing raspberries, even offered him a bottle but nothing worked. “Shhhh,” she whispered in his ear holding him close. Donna was holding the Doctor tightly praying for some magnificent idea to cross her mind when Martha pulled up.  
“What’s wrong,” she asked getting out of the car.  
Trying to hold back her own tears Donna shook her head, “I don’t know. He won’t stop crying. He was fine and the this,” she said looking down at the screaming child in her arms. In all the moments they’d have thus far this was the hardest to remember that the person in her arms was the Doctor. Right now he was a screaming child and she was just a helpless mum.   
Martha reached out to take him, “let me try,” but the Doctor only howled louder clutching onto Donna refusing to let go.  
“I don’t know what to do,” she sniffed.   
Wilfred wrapped an arm around his granddaughter, “you do, just clear your mind. I’m sure you know what he needs love,” he encouraged.  
Biting her cheek she felt so overwhelmed, “I don’t,” she insisted pulling him from her chest. “Take him,” Donna said pushing him at Martha, “something has to be wrong. I don’t know what to do. I’m not what he needs,” she sobbed.   
Taking the screaming Doctor from Donna Martha placed her hand on his forehead, “his temperature is fine. Let’s take him to UNIT and check him over,” she suggested.  
“No, we can’t go to UNIT. Martha if they knew,” Donna protested.   
“It’s a two hour drive to Cardiff,” she said looking at her watch, “I could drive you two and check you at Torchwood,” Martha noted.  
Mulling over her choices Donna felt horrible, “it’s Christmas, you need to be with your family and I already called you away. Just take us to the train station,” she advised, “I don’t know why I called, I’m sorry.”  
“I’m already away,” Martha mentioned, “plus, I should check you out not just him.” Donna bit her lip, unsure what to do, “I can call Jack and see what he thinks,” she continued trying to convince Donna to accept her help.   
Nodding Donna finally agreed, “and what about him,” she said pointing to the still crying Doctor who was reaching out for her despite Martha’s attempts to calm him.   
“I have a secret weapon,” Martha smiled. “Here,” she said handing him back to Donna. He stilled in her arms, still continuing to cry as the howling quietened. Before Donna could ask what it was, Martha pulled out w tiny bottle with a dripper from her pocket, “nicked this off my brother,” she said holding it up.  
Trying to figure out what it was, Donna realized as she held it closer, “you’re going to drug him,” she gasped.  
“Not drug, medicate. I am a doctor,” she reminded.  
Before Donna could say anything Wilfred’s chuckle broke in, “every parent does it from time to time. He’s probably teething,” he realized.  
“Teething? Oh God, I didn’t even think of that,” Donna scoffed, “I’m a horrible mum,” she sobbed pressing kisses to the Doctor’s face, “I’m so sorry I didn’t think of that,” she apologized.  
Martha loomed closer with the bottle as the Doctor tried to hide his face from it, “it will help,” she offered.   
Donna turned the Doctor in her arms not giving him any other option but to take the medication. Refusing to open his mouth, Martha plugged his nose briefly forcing him to open his mouth long enough she could slip the drops in, “there that’ll make it better,” Donna soothed as the Doctor coughed still continuing to cry.   
She continued to rock him gently as he fought his eyes fought to stay open, “like a typical baby, he just doesn’t know what’s good for him,” Martha laughed.  
“Are you better now,” Wilfred asked noticing that Donna had begun to calm too.  
“Yeah,” she agreed, “I’m sorry, I’ve ruined everyone’s holiday,” she apologized.  
Hugging his granddaughter Wilfred shook his head, “no, I had a pleasant time. It was nice to have a baby around, even if he is an alien,” the old man chuckled.   
“Really, it isn’t a bother,” insisted Martha.  
Donna smiled at their niceness, “than you guys,” she sighed. “Can you take him,” Donna asked noticing the Doctor was now fully asleep. “I’ll get the seat in the car and we can get going,” she hinted.   
Taking the sleeping Doctor from Donna, Martha gazed at him affectionately, “he is cuter when he sleeps,” she laughed.  
“Just like his adult self,” Donna cracked struggling with the seat as Wilf tried to help her.  
Once successfully getting it in Donna hugged her gramps, “thanks for everything. I meant what I said, come and visit, anytime,” she assured him watching as Martha got the Doctor situated in the car seat.   
“All ready,” she interrupted.  
Wrapping her arms around him she kissed her granddad, “I mean it,” she said meeting his eyes, “you can bring Netty too,” Donna told him making the old man smile.  
“I’ll keep you to that one,” Wilf chuckled pausing, “I better get back in,” he motioned to the house. “You take care and if you need anything, even just an ear, you call me you hear,” Wilfred made sure his granddaughter knew he meant business.  
“I will,” Donna agreed climbing in beside the Doctor and closing the door.


	8. Chapter 8

Donna woke as they pulled into Cardiff, “I’m sorry,” she apologized.  
“Don’t be,” Martha shushed her, “you had a rough day. He’s slept the whole way and I was fine driving,” she assured Donna.  
Looking at the sleeping Doctor warm in his coverers she couldn’t help but smile, “he didn’t nap all day. Little guy is completely tuckered out,” Donna explained.  
“It looked like you were too,” laughed Martha, “you might want to wipe the drool from your lip,” she mentioned.  
She self consciously wiped at her mouth, “thank you,” she said, “for everything,” Donna continued.  
“It’s nothing really. Christmas is,” she trailed off, “I used to know what to expect, the bickering from my parents but now things are different. Seeing them back together is odd. It used to be all I wanted but now I feel like they didn’t have a choice,” she sighed shaking her head. Donna was about to say something when Martha changed the subject, “Jack should be there already,” she said.  
She scrunched her face, “you called him,” Donna worried.  
“Yeah,” she responded, “no need to worry. You didn’t pull him away from anything, he was already at work.”  
Pulling her pony tail out Donna pulled the straggling hair back up wrapping it once again with the band, “I told him to go with Ianto,” she scoffed.   
“There was something going on with the rift,” supplied Martha.   
As they pulled up beside Torchwood’s base Donna undid her seatbelt, unstrapping the car seat and grabbing it along with the nappy bag. The Doctor jerked because of the movement but his little hand came up to his mouth and he began sucking on it, “always with things in his mouth this one. God forbid if he becomes a toddler,” Donna laughed trying not to think too much about it.  
Martha walked in seeing Jack relaxed leaning back with his feet on the desk, “I thought you were working,” she joked.  
Sitting up quickly he scrubbed his face with his hand, “I was. It’s quiet now. Thankfully.”  
“Since he’s sleeping why don’t I check over you,” suggested Martha.  
Donna placed the Doctor at the desk where Jack was sitting, “care to watch him,” she smiled.  
He smiled looking at the sleeping Doctor as Donna placed the nappy sack beside him, “I think I can manage,” Jack gave her a wink scooting closer, “should I wake him?”   
“No,” Donna quickly answered, “please don’t he didn’t sleep all day,” she begged.   
Jack held his hands up, “your wish is my command,” he winked.  
Rolling her eyes Donna followed Martha into the exam room making sure to close the door behind her. “You said you were leaking,” she inquired putting on gloves.  
“My boobs. They’ve been hurting and he was crying and stuff started to come out of them Martha,” Donna explained.   
Martha motioned to her shirt, “can I have a look,” she inquired. Unbuttoning her shirt Donna removed her bra exposing herself to Martha, “anything unusual,” she asked.  
“You mean other than them spurting stuff when he cries,” she scoffed.  
Looking up Martha met her eyes, “well at least it doesn’t glow,” she offered.  
“Ow,” Donna gasped as Martha gently squeezed her breast causing a yellow liquid to come out.  
Grabbing a cup Martha squirted some more into the container, “I’m going to test this. It looks like it’s just colostrum.”  
“Colostrum,” Donna interrupted, “what’s that?”  
Setting the cup down and labeling it Martha offered her a smile, “think of it as a special super milk full of protein and antibodies that when a baby needs when first born,” she explained.   
“I’m making milk. But I’m not pregnant,” Donna gasped pulling her shirt closed.  
Clearing her throat it was obvious Martha was uncomfortable, “it is possible,” she began, “if you were stimulated,” she hinted.  
“Stimulated? The Doctor has not put his mouth on my breast,” she yelped.  
“Hormones,” Martha offered quickly. “It’s obvious you are attached to him. It’s not unheard of for an adoptive mum that develops an attachment to their child to begin to produce milk,” she offered.  
Donna began to button her top up, “you’ve got to be bloody kidding me,” she sighed, “what’s next I’m going to grow a second heart?”  
Desperately trying not to laugh Martha offered her some gauze pads, “I think you’re safe from that,” she said putting her at ease. “Use these to soak up the wetness, you want to keep your nipples dry,” Martha explained.  
“Well isn’t this just wizard,” scoffed Donna. “Um, is there anything I can do for the pain? These suckers hurt,” she complained.  
Leaning against the counter Martha licked her lips refusing to meet her eyes, "you could excrete. It will relieve the pressure."  
"Excrete," Donna pushed confused.  
"You could breastfeed. I can prescribe you medication to help dry you out but it will take a few days and the pain will get worse before they get better or you can try to breastfeed," she explained the choices before Donna.  
She shook her head, "there is no way in hell I am letting the Doctor put his mouth on my breast, baby or not," she declared.  
“I’ll write you a prescription,” Martha said pulling out a notepad and scribbling on it, “take this and it will dry you up but it’s going to hurt,” she warned.  
Begrudgingly Donna grabbed the script from her hands, “thanks,” she paused, “I’m sorry. I didn’t, I just,” Donna was unsure what to say.  
“I understand. No worries,” she assured her. “Let’s go see if the Doctor is awake so I can look him over,” she suggested.   
Jack was sitting at the table staring at the sleeping Doctor, “why does he need to be looked at,” he worried.  
“He got really upset. My Gramps thinks he’s just teething. Poor little guy just had a fit all day, wouldn’t nap, wouldn’t stop crying,” she explained.  
Glancing at the clock Jack looked back at the Doctor, “It’s too early for him to be teething,” he said dismissing their idea, “when exactly did he calm?”  
“Before we left to come here, so a few hours ago why,” Donna questioned confused as to his line of questioning.  
“There was a lot of unusual rift activity tonight. The rift opened and there were anomalies all up and down it,” he told them, “do you think it’s possible for the Doctor to be keenly aware of circumstances like that,” Jack questioned.  
Donna thought it over, “he is always going on about his highly perceptive time lord powers, I guess it’s possible even as a baby to be aware of the abnormalities occurring,” she supposed.   
“Well then I’m going to get going back to London,” Martha mentioned beginning to yawn, “I have work tomorrow,” she sighed.  
Her yawn was contagious, infecting Donna then Jack, “yea I probably should get home too,” she said giving Martha a hug, “get home safe,” she wished.   
“I’ll walk you two home,” Jack mentioned standing and grabbing the Doctor, “are you ready?”  
“Yeah,” Donna said pulling on her coat.  
The two of them walked Martha to her car wishing her well before getting Donna I the house. Jack placed the still sleeping Doctor in his crib as Donna changed into a pair of pajamas. She came out to find Jack sitting there on her couch offering her a Tylenol and cup of tea, “thanks,” she said curling up on the couch corner beside him. He had Love Actually on the telly making her giggle.   
Jack looked over assaulted, “what,” he questioned.  
“I didn’t think you would fall into this crowd,” she laughed.   
He shot her a glare before offering her a wink, “there is a lot you don’t know about me,” Jack laughed pulling her into a half hug as she relaxed against him.   
“Thank you for being here for the Doctor and for me,” she said.   
Wrapping his arm around her he smiled, “does it feel like Christmas is all around you,” he laughed.  
Donna rolled her eyes, “it feels like a right lot of shit honestly,” she sighed shifting beside him.   
Hearing the Doctor cry from his bedroom Donna sat the cup down, “I got him,” Jack offered.  
She patted his knee, “no it’s fine,” she chuckled getting up. Walking into the bedroom Donna saw him lying there tears springing from his eyes, “hungry there mister,” she asked picking him up. “Let’s get you a bottle,” Donna suggested rocking him gently as they walked to the kitchen. She tried to ignore the throbbing of her breasts as the released more of that colostrum stuff.   
The Doctor must have smelled the milk and began rooting for her nipple, “oh no you don’t,” she shot moving him from her chest as he began to cry causing her to leak even more. Her breasts pulsed with pain, “bloody hell can you take him,” she said holding him out for jack as tears raked her eyes.  
“Are you okay,” he worried hurrying to take the Doctor.   
Donna shook her head, “I just need to get him a bottle,” she assured him.   
Mixing the water and formula Donna handed it to Jack so she could shove some napkins down her shirt to dry her nipples. The roughness hurt almost more than the leaking, “he doesn’t want it,” Jack told her as the Doctor screamed louder pushing away the bottle.   
“Well it’s all he’s getting. Here let me try,” she offered taking him and the bottle trying to get him to feed. It became apparent rather quickly that he wasn’t going to as the Doctor kept turning toward her breast rather than the bottle. “For fuck’s sake,” she growled her own tears escaping and mingling with his.  
Jack came up beside her, “what can I do,” he asked.  
“Nothing. My tits bloody hurt and I’m leaking and now I’m crying because I’m not his bloody mum but my body wants to feed him,” she blurted, “I’m losing my mind,” Donna sobbed.  
He took the Doctor again trying to feed him, “what can I do,” he asked trying to give him the bottle.  
“I need you to find me a breast pump,” she cried.  
Pausing as if he was confused Jack met her eyes, “no store is open at this time,” he reminded her.  
“Then you need to break into one and don’t think I don’t know you know how to,” she warned meeting him dead in the eyes.   
The pulsing pain was getting worse as her breasts throbbed in chorus with the Doctor’s wails, “maybe he just wants to help you,” Jack suggested.  
“By putting his mouth on my breast. NO,” she screamed over the Doctor’s cries. “I’m not his mum,” she objected.  
The small hand of the Doctor reached up yanking on her shirt, “when was the last time he ate,” Jack asked.  
“This morning before,” Fuck how did she forget that? He hadn’t eaten all bloody day. He was fussy but he hadn’t eaten.   
Jack took him, “let me try again,” he offered.   
After a half hour of crying and trying everything to get the Doctor to take the bottle Donna was done, “give him here,” she ordered.   
Doing as she requested Jack handed him off to her again, “I swear to God if you ever bring this up,” she sobbed rocking the Doctor. Donna took a deep breath looking up at Jack, “okay, how do I do this,” she asked giving into the only option before her.  
“You’re asking me how to breastfeed,” he questioned.  
Donna glared at him, “you said you’ve done this before. Surely you saw your wife,” she pushed.  
“Hold that thought,” Jack said leaving the room as the Doctor tried to root on her.  
Rocking him she put her finger in his mouth which he spat out, “I’m trying. I don’t want this. I don’t know why in the hell you do. This isn’t fair you know. You’re a right little shit. I swear to God,” Donna rambled trying to wait for Jack to come back.   
Moments later he returned with her laptop, “okay, take off your shirt,” Jack instructed.   
“Are you serious,” she yelped.  
Jack held the computer up for her to see, “it says to,” he offered innocently, “how else will he feed?”  
Pulling her shirt off with one hand Donna exposed her breast, “I swear to God if you look,” she warned removing her bra. Donna took a deep breath, “what next,” she asked.  
“It says to lace your nipple between his upper lip and nose, encouraging him to open his mouth by brushing his upper lip with your nipple,” he read. “Then when he looks for the breast you bring his mouth to it,” Jack continued.   
She did as was told trying to do exactly as Jack said but by the time she got her breast over to his mouth he had closed it, “it’s not working,” she sighed.  
“Maybe you should try another position,” Jack suggested, “my wife used to breastfeed laying down,” he told her.  
Shifting Donna laid on the couch bring the Doctor up to her breast and trying again. As he latched on her whole breast screamed in pain, “for fucks sake,” she ranted, “this hurts.”  
“If it hurts you aren’t doing it right,” Jack said. “You need to break his latch, it says you shouldn’t feel pain,” he read looking up and seeing Donna laying there trying to feed the Doctor.  
Noticing where his eyes were she glared, “I said no peeking,” she yelled.   
“I wasn’t I was looking at him not you,” Jack tried to explain as he walked over to her, “you put your finger in his mouth to break him away,” he told her. “It says to make sure he gets more of the bottom of your breast than top,” Jack continued to read.  
She couldn’t believe his audacity, “you’re enjoying this aren’t you,” she accused.   
“No, you wanted help, I’m helping,” Jack tried but her tears just intensified along with the Doctors.  
“I need some space,” she said getting up and taking the Doctor to her bedroom. Lying down she pulled him to her, “okay, we’re going to try this one more time,” she warned. He stopped crying meeting her eyes, “I fucking hate you for this I hope you know,” she growled brushing her nipple across his lip and pulling him to her as he took her breast in his mouth. She held her breath waiting for the anticipated pain but it didn’t come, in fact his crying had stopped and instead she heard a tiny gulping sound. Donna looked down at the Doctor suckling and she hated him. She hated him because she loved him so much. She loved this little baby more than words could ever describe.   
Donna’s tears strengthened as she sobbed watching him. There was a knock at her door, “are you okay,” Jack asked pushing the door open a crack.  
“No,” she cried.  
Jack came inside the rest of the way, “what’s wrong,” he asked looking at the tears streaming down her face.   
“I love him. I bloody love him more than I could ever begin to explain. And he isn’t mine. He isn’t a baby, he’s the Doctor. He’s going to break my heart and there’s nothing I can do,” she sobbed.


	9. Chapter 9

“A fully grown female animal of domestication breed of ox used as a source of milk or beef,” that is how the Doctor once described a cow to Donna. That is exactly what the last six weeks had made her feel like. Well, maybe not the beef part. Every time she turned around she was feeding the Doctor. She never intended to but before she knew it there was no turning back. They had tried the bottle so many times but each time he refused and only wanted her. All Donna did was change diapers, feed the Doctor and lay in bed resting while he looked back at her alternating between turning the television on and off to give the Doctor something to look at.  
New Year’s had come and past with prodding from Jack to get out and do more but Donna was content relaxing on the couch holding the Doctor as she watched Big Ben light up with fireworks. In fact the only thing rapidly changing was the Doctor. For an almost three month old, his behaviors were that of a six month. He had begun to sit up, hold his head up and roll over all on his own. There were even signs that he could begin crawling soon as he pushed himself up and would babble as if trying to will his arms and legs to cooperate. Donna loved watching him, as he would grab ahold of something in such surprise curious as to how exactly his hand had captured something.   
In fact, she had no motivation for more and thought it was completely normal that she hadn’t left the house in God knows how long. That is until she was lying in bed one night and smelled something foul, “someone needs a nappy change,” she sighed getting up but the Doctor was clean. Donna sniffed again trying to place the smell, maybe she had leaked or spit up from the Doctor had gotten on something. It was then that she realized the smell was emanating from her, that she hadn’t showered for at least five nights really didn’t care to.   
Jack however wasn’t as kind when he came over later that night. He had stopped by quite a few times providing Donna and the infant Doctor with all their needs such as a pump, fresh groceries and making meals. He even spent much of his time urging Donna to eat despite her protests of lacking hunger. But Donna simply couldn’t bring herself to anything more than a few bites. Tonight he came not alone but with reinforcements. Donna heard murmuring outside her bedroom door and honestly could care less. Nothing really mattered much anymore. It wasn’t until they all came in that she lifted her head to acknowledge them. “This is stopping,” Jack informed her taking the Doctor from her, “hey little guy,” he greeted.   
Martha, Gwen and Ianto shuffled into the room behind him, “give him back,” Donna demanded sitting up.  
“When was the last time you ate a full meal or showered,” Jack questioned.  
Looking over at the table she saw the remnants of the grilled cheese Jack had provided her with last night, “yesterday,” she snarled.   
“You didn’t eat very much,” Martha remarked walking over to her side and sitting on the bed. “Why don’t you take a shower and we’ll all have dinner, together. It’d be nice to have some company yeah” she suggested.  
Donna looked at them all, “listen. I appreciate what you’re doing but I’m just not in the mood,” she tried.  
Reaching out Martha placed her hand over Donna’s, “I think you’re depressed,” she began.  
“Depressed,” Donna shot. “I’m not depressed. I’m perfectly fine,” she objected.  
Meeting the eyes of the others Martha took a deep breath, “why don’t you take him out there so we can talk.”  
“No, don’t take him. Please don’t take him from me. I’ll eat, I’ll shower, I’ll stop crying, please just don’t take him,” she screamed breaking into tears and running after him.  
Jack handed the baby Doctor to Gwen, placing his hands on Donna’s shoulders and meeting her eyes, “we would never take him from you. We’re here to help you. He’s just going to be in the living room so you can do what needs to be done,” he promised.  
Donna crumpled in his arms, sliding to the ground, “I just I can’t do this. I know I’m a bad mum, I know he deserves more, I know but I can’t imagine life without him,” she sobbed.  
Wrapping his arms around her on the floor Jack tried to calm her as Martha came up kneeling beside them, “you’ve been through a lot. Your hormones and body are under a lot of stress. It’s perfectly natural to undergo depression at a time like this,” she offered placing a comforting hand on Donna’s back.   
“I just want to do this right, for him,” she sobbed.  
“I know you do,” Martha offered motioning for Jack to leave, “why don’t we get you in the shower,” she urged.  
Allowing herself to be guided into the bathroom Donna stripped her clothes crawling under the water. She didn’t even care that it was colder than she usually preferred. Going through the motions, that’s all she felt like she was doing. She washed her hair and body turning the water off and found herself met with a towel, “thanks,” she mumbled taking the towel and drying herself.   
“Do you need me to grab you something to wear,” Martha inquired.  
“I think I can handle that myself,” Donna scoffed.   
Offering her a warm smile, “I’ll be in the living room,” she said leaving her alone.  
Donna wrapped the towel around herself before brushing her hair out and pulling it into a wet pony tail. She grabbed a pair of pants and top slipping them on caring less if they matched or not and crawled back into bed. The flannel sheet took her by surprise causing her to take a second look at her bed. They had changed the bloody sheets. Donna didn’t even care as she grabbed a pillow, burying her face in it and beginning to weep. She didn’t look up when the door opened or when she felt warm arms around her trying to calm her tears, “everything is going to be fine,” Jack assured her.  
Sniffing she turned to face him, “you don’t know that. You can’t say that. We don’t even know what happened to the Doctor,” she cried.  
“We will,” Jack assured her.  
Burying her face in his chest Donna laid there not even caring that she was making his shirt wet, “I just want him back,” she sobbed.   
“I know, he will be back,” promised Jack.  
Hearing crying from outside Donna rolled over and wiped away her tears, “I guess it’s time to play mummy again,” she sighed.  
“Have you tried the pump,” Jack questioned, “it might be better to try and separate yourself.  
“Separate myself? I’m too far gone for that. Either way, no matter what happens my life as I know it is over. If I could just remember what the fuck happened in the states,” she growled smacking her head. “I don’t understand why I can’t,” she huffed feeling her breasts becoming ready to burst.  
Jack sat up, “states,” he echoed at what she had just said.  
“Yeah the state we were,” she trailed off realizing what she had said. “Am I remembering,” Donna gasped. “We were in a state. We were in America,” she squealed excited rushing over to the computer and opening the laptop. “I have to find out what we know about the Doctor in the states,” she rambled. But the Doctor’s cries broke her concentration as they got louder, “fuck,” she groaned getting up, “duty calls.”   
Taking the Doctor from Martha she began to retreat back into her room, “why don’t you stay out here,” Martha suggested.   
“Or I could pull my breast out in private,” Donna shot.  
Handing her a flannel Jack made sure she had no reason to escape back to her dark cave, “we won’t look,” he said, “there is a spot on the couch.”   
Donna surveyed her options. They weren’t going to let her out of this one. She plopped into the corner, draping the blanket over her and the Doctor as she pulled down her shirt. Donna carefully rocked him as he ate watching the others clean her apartment, “you don’t need to do that,” she objected.  
“We want to,” Martha smiled as Ianto made dinner, “this is what friends do,” she offered. She sat beside Donna motioning for the others to leave, “I’m worried about you,” Martha began, “we all are,” she paused slipping a pill bottle from her pocket, “these can help with the blues you’ve been feeling. They’re safe for the Doctor and you. I made sure. Donna I just.”  
“No,” she objected, “I’m not depressed. I’m just tired. Anyone who’s feeding a child once an hour would be,” she explained.  
Martha reached out placing her hand on Donna’s knee, “it’s more than that and we both know it. If you really can’t see it then trust us,” she begged.  
“You want me to take these pills and what magically feel better,” she pushed.  
“They aren’t magic,” Martha corrected, “they will help balance your body. You’ve been through a lot, are going through a lot,” she promised, “just think about it yeah? We don’t want to see you like this,” she said getting up. She stopped at the corner of the couch, “the Doctor wouldn’t want to see you like this either,” she reminded Donna leaving her be to feed the Doctor.  
Looking down in her arms the Doctor was happily feeding, content to be held and receive nourishment. “If you could tell me what to do I would greatly appreciate it,” she whispered but the Doctor just gurgled and gulped with his eyes closed. “Can you give me a sign? When are you going to turn back? You are going to turn back right,” she pled.   
“You could try the pump I bought you,” Jack suggested. “It would help with the constant need.”  
“Or supplement with formula,” Martha reasoned.   
Donna looked at them both, “you don’t understand what it’s like. He needs me, what I have, for some bloody reason. It’s my fault he’s like this,” she cried.  
“Hey,” Jack calmed coming over beside her, “how is it your fault,” he demanded to know.”  
She sniffed rocking the still feeding Doctor, “I can’t remember what happened to him. He trusted me to take care of him and I can’t even remember,” she shook. Sensing her unrest the Doctor opened his eyes letting go and began to cry. “Shhh,” she rocked him, “it’s alright,” Donna promised, “nothing bad is going to happen to you love.”  
“I’m worried you’re becoming too attached,” Martha confessed.  
She met her eyes, “how could I be too attached to the Doctor. You were in love with him,” Donna spat.   
“Now, now, let’s not say things we’ll regret later,” he warned, “maybe you should start coming to torchwood. Get out of the house. You can bring the Doctor. No one want’s to separate you two,” assured Jack.   
Swallowing hard Donna shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know if it’s safe. So much can go wrong there,” she thought aloud.  
“But you could have free baby sitters and work as much as you wanted to discover what you’re missing,” he told her.  
Worrying her lip she mulled over the idea but the thought of leaving her house was just too daunting, “I’ll think about it,” she said more to shut them up rather than as a decision.  
“Donna, think about what the Doctor would want. He wouldn’t want to see you like this,” Jack began.  
She scooted away from him, “don’t pretend to know what the Doctor would and wouldn’t want,” Donna growled.   
“You and I both know that he would hate to see you like this,” he tried again.  
Sinking into the couch Donna noticed everyone was staring at her, “I don’t know anything anymore,” she sighed.   
Martha moved closer to them, “then know that we are all here to help you. It can’t be easy taking care of him alone. Let us help,” she suggested.   
“You have to take care of yourself if you expect to take care of the Doctor,” Jack explained.  
They had her there. If she was going to be what the Doctor needed then she had to at least sort of take care of herself. At least enough to keep her head above water, “what do I do,” Donna asked. “How long do I keep this up for,” she trembled.   
“We’re here, whatever you need. A day off, a friend, anything,” he promised wrapping his arms carefully around her and the Doctor.   
She nodded into his embrace as the Doctor drooled down Jack’s shirt, “right now I just need a friend,” she whimpered.  
“Shhh,” Jack calmed her, “you already have that. In fact, you have many,” he promised.   
Hearing the Doctor babble, Donna took a deep breath sitting back up, “is it tummy time,” she asked her voice softening as she met his bright brown eyes staring back at her. She pulled her shirt the rest of the way up to make sure she was covered before standing up. “Can you hand me that mat,” she asked Martha who was standing next to a rolled up tube like thing.   
“I’ve got it,” Martha grinned laying it out on the floor as Donna placed the Doctor on the mat turning on the musical toys to capture his attention.   
The Doctor smiled brightly, squealing in delight as his hand grabbed a hanging star above his face swinging it wildly as Donna watched him from the couch, “penny for them,” questioned Jack.  
Donna looked up hugging herself, “that’s was my best friend,” she sighed still watching the Doctor as he let go of the star and wriggled around.   
“He still is,” Jack reminded her.  
“But he isn’t. He’s a baby. We don’t even know that he knows who we are or what is going on around him,” Donna declared pulling her knee up to her chest, “the not knowing is killing me,” she confessed.  
Jack swallowed hard, “then don’t think about it. You remembered something today. Relax tonight and tomorrow come to Torchwood, let’s see what we can do. It won’t hurt to try,” he proposed. “Do something instead of waiting around for it to happen,” he added.   
She couldn’t help but smile resting her head on his shoulder, “you’re too good to me,” Donna complemented.   
“You deserve it. Anyone willing to travel with him and take care of deserves a hell of a lot for the patience you have to exhibit. Both you and Martha. I don’t know how you two did it. I could only handle him a few days at a time,” he admitted.   
Rolling her eyes she smacked his arm, “shove off,” Donna scoffed. “Slick as a slug you are,” Donna laughed noticing the Doctor push himself up on all fours. He tentatively picked one hand up allowing it to wiggle as he reached out placing it back on the ground as he was staring at a toy he obviously wanted. The Doctor reached out his other hand, moving it forward and dragged his legs behind him much as she had seen dogs do. “He’s crawling! He’s flipping crawling,” Donna cheered standing up and rushing over to him. She kneeled beside the toy as the Doctor startled from her outburst of excitement. He moved his arm again inching toward her before collapsing on his belly and looking around confused about how he had arrived there. “Come on,” Donna cheered holding the caterpillar that he had been so keen to get, “you want this,” she urged smiled wide across her lips.  
The Doctor pulled himself back up, using his knees to propel him forward as his arms held him up growling. “I don’t think his arms are doing what he wants them to,” Jack chuckled as the Doctor began to pout flopping back onto his stomach.   
Jack stood leaning over to pick up the Doctor, “don’t. If you do it for him he won’t figure it out on his own. You know how important that nonsense is to him,” Donna laughed.   
She watched as he propped himself back up, his tiny brown eyes meeting hers and he began crawling again but instead of the toy he wanted her. Donna beamed tossing him in the air as she blew raspberries on his chest pressing kisses to his face, “you are so smart,” she cooed. “I mean of course you are but,” Donna paused, “oh hush,” she said rolling her eyes knowing what the Doctor would be saying if he was there as he burst into giggles.   
“Dinner’s ready,” Ianto called.  
Reaching down Jack offered his hand to help her up but instead Donna handed the Doctor to him, “I just need a moment. I’ll be right back,” she explained as he took the Doctor and Donna got up leaving them.   
Walking into her bathroom, Donna locked the door behind her filling up a glass with water and slipped the bottle of pills Martha had handed her from her pocket. Reading the instructions, Donna took one out staring at the white round powerdy surface, the simple numbers noting the milligrams and a random diamond shape that she had no idea what it meant. She stared at her arch nemesis, the bain to her current existence and popped the pill into her mouth washing it down with water sinking to the floor and curling into a ball as she began to cry.


	10. Chapter 10

Three days of meds and Donna still didn’t feel better. She certainly wasn’t happy about the fact that Jack was coming by nightly and was angered by his constant suggestions to come to Torchwood. Was it seriously to much just to be alone? Her and the Doctor?  
Donna was sitting on the floor looking through the various databases on the laptop provided to her for anything on the Doctor in America as he was playing with his toys not far away. “Of course he was at the Boston tea party,” she sighed scanning through various articles highlighting the United States. Most had nothing to do with her Doctor focusing on mentions of someone named Peri and Erimem, sightings in a town called Mercy with a female and male companion, one at the OK Corral, a run in with Richard Nixon, and another sighting at a New Year’s Eve party in 2000 with someone named Charlie. In fact, from what she could tell the only time this incarnation was ever in the USA was with Martha in New York fighting daleks during the great depression and during a brief run in at area 51. “This is hopeless,” she blurted allowing the computer to hit the carpet with a thump. Seeing the Doctor play with wooden blocks Donna reached into her pocket retrieving her cell phone and dialing the now familiar number.  
“Hello gorgeous,” Jack answered, “can I take this call as a sign you’ve changed your mind about coming in,” he hoped.  
She rolled her eyes, “no. Well,” she paused, “hopefully not. Does the laptop have the same files you have at Torchwood,” Donna questioned.  
“Everything but the physical evidence,” he responded. She could hear the squeak of Jack’s chair as he spun around, “there could be something in there. I take it you’ve found nothing?”  
Frowning Donna leaned back onto the floor staring up at the apartment ceiling, “no. I don’t know what to do. He’s only been there twice from what I can tell. I’m off my game,” she complained.   
“Go for a walk and drop by. Maybe you’ll see something here,” he suggested.   
She worried her lip, “I don’t really feel like it,” Donna lied.  
“It could spark a memory,” hinted Jack who was only met with silence. He took a deep breath, “Donna you don’t know unless you try. You want the Doctor back. We’re doing everything we can but you are the only one who has the memories other than him,” he reminded her.  
Donna knew Jack had her there. It was the one thing she wanted more than anything. “We’ll be by sometime later,” she begrudgingly agreed.   
“Good, I’ll order in,” Jack smiled through the phone.   
“You’ll do no such thing,” Donna ordered, “this is simply work. Once I’m done I’m going home,” she explained.  
Her response was met with a chuckle, “you have to eat Donna,” he tried, “make sure to bring the Doctor along so we can have some guy time,” he snickered.  
“I don’t even want to know what that means,” she flipped back. “I’m going now,” Donna warned before hanging up. Setting the phone down beside her Donna felt a small hand on her knee. Sitting up she saw the Doctor on his shins looking up at her, “what are you doing,” she beamed reaching up and pulling the Doctor to her as he squealed in joy beginning to babble. He had a block in one of his hands and Donna plucked the D from him tossing it over with the rest, “do you want to go visit Jack at Torchwood,” she inquired.  
The baby Doctor slobbered down his front as he clung to her, smiling and continuing to excitedly babble. He pulled himself up tugging on Donna’s shirt, “oh I see what you want,” she blurted. “Alright then,” Donna sighed scooping him as she pulled herself and the computer off the ground making her way to the bedroom. Setting it down on the side table Donna fluffed her pillow ensuring that her back would be supported before plopping herself down and shifting her clothes around to feed the young Doctor. He latched on immediately grasping at her breast with his hand as he stared up at her meeting her eyes. “You make a pretty good excuse to stand Jack up,” she chuckled gazing into his adorable brown ones.  
Forty minutes later when the Doctor’s belly was full he was fighting his routine after snack nap. Down the hall he groggily crawled beginning to cry because he didn’t know what to do with himself. Donna trailed behind him, “what mister man,” she sighed gathering him back up. Rocking him on her hip she strolled into his room grabbing a handful of books, “why don’t we read,” Donna suggested taking him back to her room.   
Settling into bed Donna pulled the blankets close around them tucking the Doctor into her lap, “let’s see. “What do you want to read,” she cooed fanning the books out in front of them, “The Very Hungry Caterpillar, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, Harold and the Purple Crayon, Guess How Much I Love You, or Pat the Bunny, what one,” she questioned watching the Doctor for where his interest laid. He squealed in delight reaching for the white and green cover showcasing a tiny mouse in blue overalls.   
“If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s going to ask for a glass of milk,” Donna began as the Doctor stared at the pictures of a mouse standing on a kitchen counter. “When you give him the milk, he’ll probably as you for a straw,” she laughed continuing on. Donna pressed a kiss to the side of the Doctor’s head, “he seems a lot like you in the kitchen,” she giggled as the Doctor tried to turn the pages for her. He leaned his head against her breast still watching the pages, “I think you missed a page,” Donna corrected noticing the Doctor swipe through two instead of one, “Then he’ll want to look in a mirror to make sure he doesn’t have a milk mustache,” she continued as the Doctor rested his head against her now covered breast. “When he looks in the mirror, he might notice his hair needs a trim,” she began again noticing that the Doctor’s eyes began to close. Donna watched him as she went through one more page, “When he looks in the mirror, he might notice his hair needs a trim,” she laughed as the Doctor’s arms fell down at his side like he had suddenly became a wet noodle in her arms.   
She gently closed the book staring down at him, so precious and sweet in her arms. Donna carefully shifted him beside her as she curled around him watching him sleep. His long lashes fluttered as he fast entered into deep sleep. Donna closed her eyes next to him after watching his tiny chest rise and fall as he breathed in and out.   
Three hours later Donna woke to an empty bed and a dark room. “Doctor,” she called frantically searching for the light switch. Donna looked around at her unmade but very empty bed, “Doctor,” she yelled jumping out of the bed and searching around the floor. “Where are you,” she worried. How stupid could she be falling asleep with a crawling baby.   
Her door opened, “he’s fine,” Jack said walking in holding a smiling Doctor.  
“What is wrong with you? Why do you always take my baby,” she angrily shouted pulling the Doctor from him ad frightening him with her own worry. “Shhh,” Donna tried to calm him not having intended to scare him.  
Jack stepped back from her, “I thought you could use a break,” he offered. “Chinese is on the counter when you calm down,” Jack cautioned.   
Caring less about what he had to say Donna hugged the Doctor close, feeling his heart beat race against her own. Donna looked up at Jack catching her breath again, “I’m sorry,” she offered Jack as the Doctor placed a small but steady hand on her chest as if to reassure her.   
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he apologized.  
“You never do but you come in here doing the same thing and expect a different result,” Donna scolded.  
A smile crossed his face, “isn’t that the definition of insanity? Funny how you seem to be doing the same thing,” he noted. “I’ll be in the living room when you’re done sulking but I’m not leaving until you agree to come to Torchwood with me,” he told her leaving Donna and the Doctor alone in her room.   
She looked down at the infant in her arms, “why are you friends with that man,” she sighed bouncing him up and down. The Doctor just looked at her brightly smiling so that both his dimples shone. Donna leaned in pressing a kiss to each one, “you are so flipping cute like this,” she beamed allowing the anxiety to be washed away by his giggles of glee, “and I swear to God if you even slightly remember this I’ll deny everything,” she laughed.   
Donna slunk out into the living room with her tail between her legs after the smell of food finally made her stomach grumble with desire. She knew it was almost time to feed the Doctor again but Donna also knew that she needed to eat something herself. Jack was sitting on the couch watching the telly. He didn’t even look up as she sauntered in plopping the Doctor in his lap although a small smile broke across his face as he knew he had won. “Mushu is on the right,” he guided.  
Looking at the vast array Donna made herself a plate, with plenty of her favorite Mushu pork. She always had loved those little pancakes for some reason and remembered how the first time she had ordered it with the Doctor he was completely confused as to how to eat food inside a pancake spilling it all down the front of his tie. Sitting on the other end of the couch Donna watched the Doctor pulling on Jack’s buttons and trying to pry his watch from his wrist unsuccessfully, deciding to gnaw on it instead.   
“When you’re ready say the word,” Jack prodded.   
She looked up shocked, “you’re awfully sure of yourself,” Donna replied.  
“I just know people well and I know that you would do anything for the Doctor. That means leaving the house and coming to Torchwood whether you want to or not,” he said offering her a wink.   
Her eyes fluttered back to her meal ignoring his response, “you know nothing about me Jack Harkness,” she growled taking another bite. Jack didn’t respond right away. Instead he sat there quietly for a moment as if thinking over his options before deciding on his course of action. Standing he grabbed his coat and the Doctors from the rack, “what are you doing,” Donna questioned.  
“The Doctor and I will be playing,” his voice trailed off as he slipped the coat onto the Doctor’s tiny arms, “with the pterodactyl,” he added before shutting the door behind him.  
Pterodactyl, over her dead body. Donna set the food on the cushion next to her and hurried to the door but Jack and the Doctor were already out of sight. She pushed her slippers onto her feet rushing down the stairs after them. Reaching the bottom of the stairs Donna practically keeled over out of breath, “I’ve got to start working out,” she panted adjusting her breasts which had tried to knock her out on the way down.   
When she had finally gathered herself and made the few feet to the Torchwood base Jack was sitting at his desk with the Doctor in front of him giggling in glee as he tickled him, “she can’t see what is the best for her right now,” Jack said aloud pretending like she wasn’t there. “I know you asked me to look after her if anything should ever happen but she is more stubborn than you. The two of you together are a right fit,” he continued.   
She hovered in his doorway, “he asked you to take care of me,” Donna questioned confused.  
Jack looked up smiling, “yeah. He worries about you. I imagine he worries about us all as if he didn’t have enough on his shoulders,” looking down at the infant who was chewing on his fingers.   
Donna came up beside him, “he’s a good man. For an alien,” she paused.  
“He does have his faults,” Jack added.  
“Oh, I’m fully aware of that she laughed harder than she should have. Gaining her breath again Jack was watching her oddly. “What,” Donna worried, “do I have something on my face?”  
He shook his head, “no. I haven’t seen you smile like that this entire time. More or less laugh like that,” he noted. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are when you laugh,” questioned Jack.  
“Now I know you’re lying,” she sighed reaching out for the Doctor, “I think you’ve had enough fun for one day. You certainly aren’t going to be playing with any dinosaurs.   
Turning to prevent her from reaching the Doctor Jack scooted back in his chair, “as long as you’re here,” he began pointing to a wall of boxes, “all of those contain information about the Doctor,” he supplied.  
“I know what you did and I understand but I’m just not in the mood,” she confessed.  
“Donna, this isn’t your fault. I know you think it is but it isn’t,” he tried.  
She scooted around him successfully taking the Doctor into her arms, “you don’t know that,” she shushed him, “you can’t because I don’t even know that,” Donna admitted.   
“I know that you would never do anything to hurt the Doctor,” he started, “but if you won’t look for an answer then you are going to continue to blame yourself,” Jack tried to get her to understand.  
Flopping onto his couch she didn’t want to confess her body still ached from that little bit of exercise, “suppose I do look and I find nothing? Then what?”  
“Then we move onto the next thing,” answered Jack. “That’s how life is. We have to keep going and we will,” he addressed.   
Worrying her lip she refused to look at Jack instead focusing on the Doctor who was now chewing on his robot, “I don’t see how I can move on when he’s stuck like this,” she whispered barely audible.  
“Then don’t move on, fight to find a way to help him,” he boomed startling her. “I know you have things going on, I know you are keeping a lot inside Donna. I’m trying to be there for you, to prove that you can trust me but I don’t know how to help you if you don’t tell me what you need,” he explained.  
Donna could feel the tears brimming at her eyes, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know anything other than I miss the Doctor and desperately want him back,” she whispered.  
Standing Jack walked over to where Donna was sitting beside her, “then let’s get to work,” he said taking her hand and leading her towards the room they had filled with anything related to the Doctor. “This is everything we have on him,” Jack showed her opening one of the boxes. “Some of it are things that belonged to one of his regenerations, other is stuff that we’ve kept from UNIT,” he paused, “if this doesn’t turn anything up we could always turn there. They have a special area with things of his and files I can only imagine about over there.”  
“Yeah,” Donna said distracted by a strange but familiar pen in the box Jack had opened. She reached in grasping it in her hand and pressing the clicker. The pen’s tip light up blue as it began pulsing, “a sonic pen. The sonic pen. Oh my God,” she gasped. But whatever Jack’s response was went unnoticed.   
Suddenly Donna was in a white room sitting at a desk. In her hand was a pen, she was watching someone sign their name on an oak desk, “John Smith,” she read aloud. No. That wasn’t right. It was the Doctor he was signing John Smith. She looked up at him as he handed her the pen, “your turn sweetheart,” he chimed handing the pen over so she could sign her own name. She took the pen from him and began to do as told, initiating in several areas. Where were they? Look around the room she chanted to herself hoping for another clue, anything for where they were. “Adoptive mother,” she read from below the line she was signing.   
“Donna, Donna are you okay,” Jack worried kneeling by her side now holding the Doctor.  
She blinked her eyes up at him, “yeah,” she said drawing a long breath, “I think so.”  
“Are you sure,” he asked as she began to get up.  
Accepting his hand of help to get from the floor Donna collapsed in a nearby chair. “I don’t know. It was weird. One second I was here holding the sonic pen the next I was in an office with the Doctor,” she started to explain.  
“Did you remember something,” Jack prodded eagerly.   
“Yeah,” she nodded slowly, “we were at an adoption agency. I don’t know why. I didn’t see a name. But we were adopting,” she said in confused disbelief. “He called me sweetheart,” she recalled as a shiver ran down her spine.  
Jack settled beside her, “do you think? Is it possible you two have been together,” he carefully asked.   
“No,” she dismissed, “no. We couldn’t. I’d have remembered that,” she stopped and met his gaze, “I would remember being with him right,” Donna begged of him to confirm.   
He looked at the Doctor within his arms, “I would think that one would remember a relationship but if something traumatic happened and with your memory gaps,” he began.  
“They aren’t gaps,” she protested, “I can’t remember. I wish I could,” she said allowing silence to fall between them. Donna was not feeling extremely queasy. “I think I’m going to go back. I’m not feeling well at all,” she said standing. Donna was so out of sorts that she didn’t even grab the Doctor from Jack, she just began walking to the entrance.  
Jumping up and following her Jack cradled the Doctor, “let me walk you home,” he offered. She didn’t even protest just slowed down to Jack’s pace.   
Coming to the surface Donna still didn’t care. Her mind was reeling. Could they have been a couple? What had they been doing at an adoption agency? Were they adopting? She really was barren and old and something had happened that completely bollixed everything up and where was he? Nowhere to be found.  
“I’m going to stay,” Jack told her as Donna unlocked the door.  
Walking through it she didn’t bother to even look at him, “okay,” she numbly said going and crawling into her comforting bed. How had things gotten so out of control? And where did they go from here? How did she get back? What worried her the most was that this whole time she had thought that remembering would be beneficial. That it would make everything magically better. But the truth of the matter was nothing was magic. It didn’t exist.


	11. Chapter 11

She didn’t mean to pull back from Jack but she just couldn’t process what was going on in her head. Could she be married to the Doctor? She had to know. Picking the computer up Donna turned the bedside light on. Logging into the Torchwood files she typed in Doctor and marriage hoping that something might pop up.   
“1562 marriage to Queen Elizabeth I,” she read aloud, “well so much for her being a virgin,” Donna scoffed. “1782, married to a Scarlette in order to tie him to Earth,” she made a mental note to ask him about that later wondering if that’s why he really kept returning. Other than that there was just one engagement to an Aztec but most of the articles were about all the marriages he had interrupted or been present at. Scrolling down Donna gasped seeing a photograph of herself and the Doctor. Her white dress and the Doctor’s lean frame. He looked so young. That felt like lifetimes ago. She looked at another picture of them, he was putting a ring on her finger. “The ring,” she exclaimed looking down. It was the same golden biodamper. It was the biodamper! They weren’t married.   
Rushing out into the living room Donna found Jack where she had left him, “we aren’t married,” she told him. “Look,” Donna said pushing the computer into his lap, “see same ring,” she beamed. “I didn’t forget. We aren’t married.”  
“Then why would you be wearing it,” he asked.  
Rolling her eyes she took the computer back, “it’s a biodamper. The Doctor gave it to me when we first met. It has nothing to do with,” she paused. “It masks the bio-signature of the individual making me untraceable,” she muttered recalling what the Doctor had once told her. Closing her eyes she tried to recall the flashback she had. The Doctor’s hand. Was he wearing a ring to? She played over the quick snippets and saw a flash of gold, “he was wearing one too,” she recalled. Her eyes widened, “we were hiding who we were,” she whispered turning to Jack, “whatever we were doing it was big.”  
The Doctor giggled crawling over to her and tugged on her pants, “are you saying this was caused by what you two were doing,” Jack questioned.  
“It had to be,” Donna said picking the Doctor up and pressing a kiss to his chubby little cheeks, “do you remember,” she hoped looking into his swirling brown eyes. He tugged on her shirt, “oh that’s what you want,” she sighed. Closing the computer the rest of the way she pulled a blanket over from the couch top to cover herself while feeding the Doctor.   
Jack place a hand on her shoulder, “this is a great start. It’s something to go on,” he offered. “I know how you are when you put your mind to it,” Jack told her, “only you and I have ever found the Doctor without the help on another. It’s a special club,” he mentioned nudging her to the side playfully.  
“Then why does it feel like it’s not enough,” she pouted.  
He turned facing her, “because it won’t be until you have him back.” Standing he made his way over to the fridge, “you have hardly anything in here,” he accused, “what do you want or dinner? I’m going to make a run to the store again.”  
Donna rolled her eyes, “you don’t have to,” she began.  
“I want to. Haven’t you realized that yet,” he pushed, “will you two be alright,” he ensured.  
Patting the Doctor’s back as she fed Donna smiled down at him, “we’re always alright,” she promised allowing him to leave.   
Removing the blanket she looked down at the Doctor who was beginning to kick signaling that he was almost full, “I wish you could just tell me where to look. You’re so much better at this. I’m better with you. We’re quite a team you know,” she sighed.   
The Doctor stilled meeting her gaze and for a moment, albeit brief she swore she saw her best friend. He detached allowing her to fix her top and smiled brightly at her milk dried around his mouth. “What happened there,” she pled feeling the tears well up in her eyes. As he tried to sit up she adjusted him and he laid his head against her chest momentarily as if he was hugging her. That was one of the things she missed most of all, his hugs. Well, other than the simple sound of his rambling voice. He sat up again and Donna couldn’t resist tickling his full tummy. Squealing in ecstasy she watched his tiny toes curl inside his onesie, “I’m going to have to see if you do that as a grown adult,” she laughed at his feet.  
Lying down she turned the telly on, “what do you want to watch,” she giggled as the Doctor started gnawing on the remote effectively changing the channels as he chewed. Donna pulled him up close to her snuggling into the crook of his neck. “You still smell like him,” she paused, “like you,” no that wasn’t right either, “you smell normal,” he voice squeaked. Relaxing his head against her face he dropped the remote leaving a slobber trail falling down his front. Automatically wiping it she rolled her eyes, “you’re a right mess,” Donna laughed, “and I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she clarified pressing a kiss to his cheek.   
Hearing the door jostle she looked up, “what did you do forget your key,” she chided raising to open it. Before Donna made it to the door it burst open. In front of her stood two figures in black.   
“Shit, you there’s someone I this one. What do we do,” the one snapped at the other as Donna backed up holding the Doctor closer to her. “Oi, stop it right there,” he called grabbing her elbow before she could put much space between them.   
She leaned the side of her body without the Doctor toward them trying to create as much space as possible, “please take whatever you want just don’t hurt by baby,” she begged.   
The other closed the door behind him, “your baby is the last thing we’re after,” he told her walking closer. He reached up and grabbed a curl of her hair winding it around his finger, “we continue as planned,” he told his partner, “if she cooperates maybe we’ll have time for a detour,” he smiled through his mask.   
“Please,” she begged.  
“Sit down and shut up,” he demanded shoving her down on the couch.   
The other man came up to him, “fifteen minutes in and out,” he reminded his peer.  
The first man crouched in front waving a knife from his pocket, “anyone else in the house,” he dared make sure she saw the blade.  
“No, no, I’m the only one,” she promised.  
He reached out and patted her head, “now that’s a good girl,” he prodded turning to his partner, “get everything,” he told his partner. Noticing he hadn’t left he took a deep breath, “go,” he demanded.  
“I promise I won’t say anything. I haven’t seen your face and I’ll count to a thousand or whatever you want,” she tried to reason with him. “If you let me go I won’t say a word,” Donna continued hoping she could appeal to him.  
Once his partner had left his knife holding hand trailed downward taking inventory of Donna’s body, “I have plans for you,” he purred. “Come here, let me get a better look at you,” he said pulling her up so she was standing.  
“I got chow mein,” Jack beamed popping open the door arms full.  
Flummoxed the perpetrator pushed her to the wall holding a knife to her neck and pointed his gun pointing at Jack, “get out here,” he yelled at his partner. “You lied to us. You said you were alone,” he growled.  
“Hey, hey. Don’t hurt her,” Jack yelled. “Why play with a girl when you can play with a man,” he winked dropping the bags and pulling his own gun.  
The other burglar came out from the bedroom. Seeing the situation before him he panicked, “let’s get whatever cash they have and get out of here,” he almost begged his own partner pointing his gun too at Jack.   
“No,” he argued pulling her to him as if she was a shield.  
Jack inched forward, “we don’t want any trouble,” he coaxed, “I’m going to grab my wallet. You can take it. Go ahead and take her purse too. Go on and get,” he suggested.  
“What would you do to keep your wife and child safe? How much do you have in the bank,” the first man asked.  
She could see Jack’s trigger finger flinch. Donna wouldn’t have cared if the Doctor wasn’t still in her arms, “Jack don’t,” she warned. Trying to look at her captor she tried to plead to his inner something, “I give you whatever you want. Whatever,” she clarified, “just please let Jack take my baby. Let him take him to safety,” she pled.  
“So that he can leave and go get help? I don’t think so. I’m no idiot,” he spat.   
Donna shook her head furiously, “no, no, I don’t think you are. So then. Your buddy here can stay out here with his eyes on Jack. Let Jack take my son and we can go in the back,” she hinted swallowing hard.   
“Don’t,” Jack began to protest.  
She couldn’t even meet Jack’s eyes, “after you’re done, take my money, take his, just leave simple as that,” she attempted to coax him.  
“Let’s just go,” the other growled.   
It caught her off guard enough that she quickly looked up and Jack grabbed her attention by mouthing to her, “duck,” he said. Shaking her head Donna couldn’t let him try to save them. She couldn’t risk the Doctor and Jack’s life. “Duck,” he mouthed again adding a head nod to the right with it. Instead of following his instructions Donna stood firm. She could see his finger itching to pull the trigger, “three,” Jack whispered, “two,” he continued as his finger tightened on the trigger. For fuck’s sake he was actually going to do it no matter what, “one,” he mouthed before yelling, “duck,” as a gunshot rang out followed by several others. Donna dove into the hallway protecting the Doctor with her body.   
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she heard one of the assailants yelling as she crawled into the Doctor’s room. Donna put him in the crib using her strength to push the bookcase in front of the door. Getting it properly lodged she grabbed him and hid in the closet, “shhh,” she comforted him struggling to reach the cellphone in her pocket. Donna was shaking as she tried to dial 999 so much that she hit the eight twice and had to clear the number just to call emergency.   
It felt like forever before she heard a friendly voice, “emergency, what service do you require,” the operator asked.  
“Um, police, no ambulance, I think I need both,” she whimpered.  
There was a knock at the door shifting her attention away from the phone call. Her breath hitched it was him, he wanted her to fulfil her promise. “Donna,” called Jack through the door, “Donna, it’s all right. You can come out. We’ll sort everything out,” he promised.   
“Sorry. Never mind, I was mistaken,” she told the operator hanging up. Donna crawled out of the closet, pressing a kiss to the Doctor’s head as she set him in the crib. She had to use her entire back to push the bookcase from its place of protection. Pushing the door open Jack looked worse for the wear but he was alive. She threw her arms around him, “I’ve never been happier to see you,” Donna declared hugging him within an inch of his life. When he hugged her back she let go taking account of any wounds he may have. There was a bullet hole through his jacket, “Jack,” she exclaimed pulling his coat back and seeing the blood soaked through his shirt. But when she looked at the hole there was nothing penetrating the skin.  
Her finger grazed where there should be a bullet, “I can’t die,” he confessed.   
“What,” Donna squeaked, “at all?  
He through his head back in laughter, “neither I nor the Doctor know,” Jack explained..  
“The Doctor,” how could she have temporally forgotten about him? Turning she swooped him back up in her arms hugging him to her chest and making sure he was okay too. “Not a scratch on him,” she smiled kissing his chubby cheeks.  
Jack raised his hand to where the knife had been swiping his finger across it as she winced in pain, “you’re bleeding,” he realized.  
“It’s nothing,” dismissed Donna.   
Taking her arm much nicer than the attackers had he leaned in closer to get a look, “I need to wash it to see how deep,” he declared guiding her to her bedroom to sit. “Do you have a first aid kit,” he asked rummaging through the bathroom.   
Donna stared at the Doctor rocking him gently, “yeah, it’s under the sink,” she said. “You’re so brave. You didn’t even cry once,” she proclaimed smiling at him.  
“Like that even scared him,” Jack laughed, “he’s been in closer scrapes. We both have,” he admitted opening the case and removing an alcohol wipe. “This might hurt a bit,” he warned putting the swab to where she had been cut.   
Breathing in quickly she tried not to whine, “nope, not one bit,” she lied refusing to take her eyes off the Doctor.  
“Donna, you’re shaking,” noticed Jack. He moved the first aid kit sitting beside her and holding her, “you’re safe now. It’s okay,” he comforted.  
“You don’t know that. What if they come back,” she protested  
He pulled back meeting her eyes, “one is tied up with a flesh wound to his leg. I will find out who his partner is and guarantee they will never be back,” he promised.  
“Someone else could break in,” Donna sobbed.  
Jack thought for a moment, “you’re right, they could,” he confessed.   
“Thanks,” she scoffed.  
Tightening his arm around her Jack guided her head to his shoulder, “I will make sure that doesn’t happen. Someone is going to always be with you from now on. It is dangerous out there and if someone found out about the Doctor you could be in danger so we are going to ensure that never happens,” he told her.   
“Really,” she almost begged.  
He nodded, “yes,” confirmed Jack. “I’m going to call my team and we are going to clean this mess up. You stay in here, relax, don’t worry about a thing,” he proposed.   
Donna tried to relax, tried to focus on the Doctor, tried to watch a movie, tried anything but focusing on what was going on outside in her living room. Finally her curiosity got the best of her when she was listing to pops coming from outside the room, “what are you doing,” she asked walking in on Ianto using an odd looking machine on the carpet.  
“Getting the blood out love,” he explained.  
She nodded, “oh,” Donna said looking around, “where’s Jack?”  
“He’s out at the moment,” Ianto said continuing to clean, “can I get you a cuppa?”  
Shaking her head she snickered at his proposition, “I should be offering you that,” Donna laughed adjusting the Doctor on her hip. “Do you want one,” she asked.  
“I’d love one,” he agreed allowing her to make tea.  
The kettle had just began to scream when Jack returned, “what are you doing out here,” he asked shocked to see her up and about.  
“It’s my flat,” she reminded him.  
Jack met her eyes after locking the door, “actually no,” he joked. “You should be in bed relaxing,” he said.  
“I was hungry,” protested Donna.  
Coming up beside her Jack guided her back to towards the hall, “then I will bring you something to eat,” he argued.  
“I’m not a child,” huffed Donna.   
“I know,” he promised, “you just don’t need to be around this right now.”  
She couldn’t believe how he was treating her. Fuming she burst back into the living room, “I don’t know what you think you’re doing Jack Harkness,” she paused seeing Ianto and Jack in the middle of a kiss, “oh. Oh, I’m so sorry,” she stammered covering the Doctor’s eyes and she backed out of the room. “If you wanted privacy you could have just said,” she giggled leaving them alone.  
A little while had passed before there was a knock on her door, “I have dinner,” Jack offered opening the door.   
“Thanks,” Donna smiled. Noticing he was going to sit she shook her head, “no go out and be with Ianto,” she insisted.   
Jack took a bite of prawns, “he’s already gone.”  
“Oh, he didn’t have to leave on my account,” she offered.  
Reclining on the bed he shrugged his shoulders, “I know,” he offered yawning.  
“You can sleep in here,” suggested Donna, “I mean if you want,” she added.  
His eyes widened, “really,” Jack clarified.  
“Yeah, why not,” she shrugged.  
Standing Jack slid his jacket off, “if you insist,” he chuckled beginning to undress.  
“What are you doing,” Donna protested when he took his pants off.  
He turned around to face her, “I sleep in my pants,” he said unbuttoning his shirt, “is that not okay,” asked Jack.  
“No, it’s fine,” she clarified taking another bite of chicken. Jack crawled into the bed beside her, “shove over,” she said motioning to him.  
“What,” Jack protested.   
“Well, you’re not sleeping next to me,” she sassed placing the Doctor between them.  
He burst into laughter rubbing the Doctor’s belly, “even now you’re preventing me from getting too close to your companions,” he sighed watching Donna set the empty containers aside and turn off the light. “Never changes,” he chuckled as Donna cuddled into the bed clothes with the Doctor.


	12. Chapter 12

"Mmmm," she moaned waking up. To say she felt comfortable was an understatement. The warm skin surrounding her made a perfect cocoon with the blanket. That was until she moved her cramping leg and felt a morning surprise pressing into her. Jack, that had to be Jack. When Donna opened her eyes to get a grasp on the situation she realize she was holding onto Jack as tight as he was her. Extraction was not going to be easy. The only way to handle this situation was to hit it straight on, "Jack I have to pee," Donna mumbled pushing on him as she untangled her arms and he rolled onto his back.

His smile beamed through her, "you make a good cuddle buddy," he laughed. "Much better than the Doctor," Jack continued. The Doctor, he was in the bed last night. Donna looked around, "I changed his nappy and put him in the bassinette," Jack explained motioning to the sleeping baby inches away seeing her eyes searching.

"How did he sleep," she asked standing to check on the sleeping bundle and ignoring the pains of protestation from her side.

Jack chuckled, "don't you remember," he asked quizzically.

Racking her brain Donna realized she didn't, "I must have been knackered," she sighed feeling another ripple of ache.

"You fed him and I changed him and he slept pretty much the entire night," he recalled.

Wrapping her arms around herself hoping that would alleviate the sting Donna went to the ensuite. Doing her business and brushing her teeth Donna ran water over her face noticing a bruise on her collar bone not that far from the cut on her neck, "I look like a lorry ran over me," she sighed coming from the bathroom. "Why is it so chilly," Donna realized shivering against the cool air.

"You were hot last night. Are you sure you're alright," Jack worried. "Maybe I should call Martha or Owen to check you over," he suggested.

Shaking her head Donna turned up the furnace, "no, I don't like that Owen bloke and Martha has better things to be doing than driving all over to come see me," she dismissed. "Besides, I'm just tired. I'm fine. Promise," she told him crawling back under the bedclothes to warm up.

He watched her for a few minutes before deciding Donna was telling the truth, "how about I make breakfast then we can head down to Torchwood. I can scan you simply enough plus it would get you out of the house," he hinted.

"On one condition," she began nibbling her lip, "can I sleep more first," Donna begged.

Chuckling Jack nodded, "I think you earned that yesterday," he nodded offering her a wink. "Any requests for breakfast," inquired Jack.

"I'm sure anything you make will be fine," Donna mumbled burrowing back beneath the covers.

A few hours later Donna woke to singing. Tip toeing out of the bedroom she spotted Jack standing before the Doctor, "so I look in your direction but you pay me no attention do you? I know you don't listen to me cause you say you see straight through me don't you? But on and on from the moment I wake to the moment I sleep I'll be there by your side just you try and stop me," his voice cut off seeing Donna standing in the threshold staring at the almost manically grinning Doctor.

"Got a thing for Coldplay like spaceman do you," she giggled.

Jack pointed at the grinning baby, "look at how happy it makes him. Just like you said. How could I deny him that," he shrugged. "Breakfast," he suggested trying to change the subject.

Jack stood leaving the Doctor on the couch and plated up what appeared to be homemade biscuits and gravy for Donna, "it looks lovely," she complemented as he handed her a plate.

"The gravy ended up lumpy but it will do," he laughed taking a bite off of the plate he had fixed himself.

He watched Donna for a few minutes, allowing her to eat but she could see the wheels turning, "what," she pushed.

"How did you find the Doctor," Jack finally asked.

Taking another bite Donna shrugged, "I don't know," she paused, "I tried to live without him but that day was just so invigorating. Nothing compared to it," she sighed.

"So you just decided you wanted to find him and did," Jack pondered aloud, "it took me years and I had his hand," he explained.

The Doctor sat between the two of them content that he had his two important people beside him. Donna's mouth dropped open, "how stupid of me," she gasped smacking her head against her hand, "that's exactly it. That's how I found the Doctor," Donna rambled jumping up and rushing to her computer.

"Wait, what is," he questioned confused as the Doctor reached up pulling on his suspenders.

"How I found him. I looked up wacky stuff because I know he'd be involved eventually," she paused sitting back down and beginning to type. Her search results for unexplained United States turned up massive, "over six million results," she whimpered, "this is going to take forever."

The Doctor reached for Donna tugging on her hair, "six million is nothing for a super temp like you," reasoned Jack. "I'm sure you'll have that tackled before you know it," he assured her.

"I need it now. I need to remember. Look at him. That's the oncoming storm. I need to fix him before we need him Jack," she groaned. Silence hung in the air between them, "what if it's my fault," Donna's voice quivered.

He leaned in closer forcing her to look at him, "is that what you really think? How could this be your fault? Donna, if you can't remember surely there is a reason," Jack promised. "Look at his face, would he trust you if you had done this to him? Surely not," he encouraged.

Donna took the Doctor from between them as he immediately relaxed in her arms and started rubbing his eyes, "someone's tired," Donna cooed gently rocking him.

"Nah I think he just likes it when you hold him. Can't fool me," Jack grinned.

She looked down and the tiny boy, no time lord in her arms, "I've got to start searching through those results," she sighed, "maybe you and uncle Jack can have a day," Donna suggested. His bottom lip began to shake displeased by her comment.

"You always can start tomorrow. Don't pressure yourself Donna," warned Jack.

Knowing he was right, even if she didn't want to admit it, Donna rolled her eyes. "Fine. I guess one day won't hurt anything too much," she compromised setting her computer aside and taking another bite while balancing the Doctor in her arms. She was getting pretty good at this mum stuff if she was willing to admit it.

Jack finished his plate and took it into the kitchen, "and don't think that a day off means you're getting out of that medical screening," he reminded her.

Damn. He did remember. Donna bit her lip, "it really isn't necessary. I feel fine. Promise," she said trying to weasel her way out.

"You already agreed," he firmly stated beginning to wash up after making breakfast.

Oh how Donna wished she hadn't. "I was half asleep. I can't be held accountable for those agreements," she argued.

Jack popped his head out of the kitchen, "I'm not that easy," he replied.

"That certainly isn't what I've heard," Donna scoffed wincing at her comment after it came out of her mouth. "I'm sorry," she apologized, "you've done nothing but help," she paused. "You have that in common with him you know, taking care of others, trying to save the day," Donna smiled, "I used to hate when he did that to me, force me to go to the sick bay and get checked out, try to protect me by offering himself. I used to hate that about him," Donna stalled taking a deep breath, "but now I just miss it. I miss him. Even the things I used to hate like when he'd eat out of the marmalade with his fingers or leave half eaten food around because his brain would wander off and remind him of something else he needed to do. Now, I just wish he'd come bounding into my bed and wake me up for another misfired adventure."

Coming out of the kitchen Jack sat back down beside her. The Doctor was reaching up to Donna's face where tears were streaming down almost as if he was trying to catch them and take her pain away. "You know that'll happen again. We'll fix him," Jack promised placing a comforting hand around her shoulder.

Allowing herself to fall into him Donna smiled at the Doctor whose childlike face still resembled concern. "I need him now. Jack, I think I need him more than he needed me," she confessed.

"From what I can tell you two needed each other. You just fit," he offered rubbing her back.

The Doctor had pulled himself up and was resting his head over Donna's heart almost like he was trying to hug her, "is that right," she asked the Doctor, "do we fit? Is that why everyone and their bloody cousin keeps thinking we're married?"

He only smiled at her in response, "I think you have your answer," Jack chuckled.

"Oh, if the alien stuck in a baby's body says so it must be true," she laughed.

"That's not the weirdest thing I've heard so yeah," he confirmed.

Donna couldn't help but smile as the Doctor clapped his hands at Jack's comment, "sometimes I swear you understand every word we're saying. Like you're right there. And then other times you seem so far away," her lip trembled threatening more tears.

"He is right here Donna," promised Jack.

She nodded gazing into the Doctor's brown pools, "I know but he's my best mate and I can't even talk to him," she sighed.

"What do you think you're doing right now," pushed Jack.

Plopping down in her lap the Doctor grabbed for her hand, bringing her fingers to his mouth and sucking on them. "But he can't talk back. What's the point of that," she paused cackling. "I used to hate when I couldn't get a word in edgewise. What's that saying? Be careful what you wish for," she sighed.

"I used to wish I could travel all through time. Look at me now," Jack offered.

Worrying her lip she shook her head, "it isn't any good. This complaining that I'm doing. Just a bunch of rubbish. I'm sorry," Donna apologized.

"No, it's things you need to get out," Jack stopped her. "You know, if you want, during this time that the Doctor can't talk back to you, you could talk to me. I'm not trying to take his place," he began.

Donna wrapped an arm around him, "oh Jack, thank you. You truly have become a friend," she grinned. Tugging on her shirt as if to remind Donna that he was there the Doctor's bottom lip was stuck out in a pout, "he's not going to replace you. Got that spaceman," she smiled lifting him up in the air and blowing raspberries on his stomach until he squealed with glee, "I'm going to have to try this on the adult version," Donna laughed.

"Me first," Jack volunteered as they both erupted in giggles.

Some time had passed since their giggle fit and they had both elapsed into silence watching the Doctor tug on Jack's suspenders or pull himself up as if he was going to walk but then plop himself down instead, "I wonder if he's ever actually going to take a step or if he just likes getting lugged around everywhere," Donna finally remarked, "must be nice after all the years of running," she grinned sticking her tongue at the baby Doctor who was shooting her a glare from the floor.

"Maybe he'll skip walking and go right to running," suggested Jack.

Donna nodded, "that'd be him," she sighed.

"Are you ready now," he finally asked.

"Ready," replied Donna innocently avoiding Jack's eyes.

She heard him clear her throat, "Donna," he called.

"Oh, I was rather hoping you would have forgotten about that. I really am find Jack," she began to protest.

He stood reaching down and swooping up the Doctor, "we'll be in the hub," said Jack moving towards the door.

Crossing her arms and sitting back on the couch Donna remained there, "fine by me," she shrugged.

"Are you going to make me force you out of the house," he questioned.

Unsure Donna shrugged again, "force is a relative term and something that the Doctor wouldn't approve of," she supplied.

"The Doctor also wouldn't approve of you not being checked out after everything that happened last night," he reminded her. Met by silence, Jack decided to change tactics. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number, "Hi Owen it's Jack, I was wondering if you could stop by Donna's," he started.

Pushing herself up Donna waved her hands in surrender, "I'm coming, I'm coming. No need to call in reinforcements," she growled. Jack closed his phone, "is that what you do just hang up on your team?"

"In order to hang up on Owen I would have had to actually call him," explained Jack mischievously.

"A right prat you are, a total knob," she barked shoving him in the shoulder.

Jack held the Doctor out as a defense, "don't make me drop him," he joked.

"Oh shove off," Donna roared taking the Doctor from Jack's hands and slipping on a pair of slippers from beside the door, "if we're going to do this thing let's get it done," she ordered.

"Yes ma'am," saluted Jack following her out the door and to the hub.

Donna never liked being in the hub. It wasn't Jack's fault, nor the Doctors. If anyone's fault it was that of the TARDIS'. Something was so eerie about seeing the TARDIS unmanned just sitting there, useless without her operator. It was probably the only reason why she had chosen to work in a small room rather than where all the desks were sorting through the Doctor's things. Seeing the TARDIS like that every day made Donna want to cry. It wasn't right. And if she really took the time to admit it to herself, Donna was mad at the TARDIS. Why couldn't she have restored Donna's memory? Or fix the Doctor? Isn't that what she was supposed to do? Protect him? Especially from his worst enemy, himself? Maybe that's why Donna felt so angry towards the TARDIS, because she was angry at herself for not doing the same things, for not being able to.

Jack led he downstairs to the health scanner, "what do I have to do in this," she rumbled wanting it to be over as soon as possible so they could all leave.

Stepping behind a set of black controls the dark room light up some, "just stand there and look pretty. Should be easy since you do it so often," he flirted.

"Should be easy for me to kick your ass since I do it so often," Donna retorted.

She watched as her body became visible on the screen before them, "can you set him down? He's interfering with the image. Two isn't always better than one," Jack said.

"Bet that's the first time you've admitted that," laughed Donna as she set the Doctor on the ground.

"It certainly will be the last," confirmed Jack pressing another button as the screen focused on Donna depicting the bones and organs inside her.

Donna could see some areas on the screen highlighted but she didn't know what that meant, "so what's the conclusion? Am I going to live?"

Walking from behind the console Jack pointed to the screen where there were three highlights on her ribs, "you cracked three of them," he answered and your am too. I don't think it's anything too bad from the way you've been acting and from the scan but I should give Martha a call to make sure," he explained walking over to a cabinet. "Until then these should help," Jack said grabbing a bottle and tossing them to her.

Catching the blue bottle Donna looked for a label, "and just what are these," she asked not finding one.

"Pain killers. Should help with that pain you're refusing to admit to," Jack grinned like the cat that had the milk. Maybe, just maybe, he did know her pretty well.

The Doctor pulled himself up using her pant leg and began reaching up for her babbling to get Donna's attention, "want to be held again eh," she laughed bending down.

He grinned reaching out for her amber locks and trying to eat them, "mmm," the little time lord responded.

"Always had had a thing for gingers," Jack reminded her.

Her hand cradled the Doctor's chubby cheek, "he's onto you," she giggled as he continued to play with her hair.

"You shouldn't be holding him. You need to take it easy so your ribs heal," explained Jack taking the Doctor from her.

Reaching out the Doctor's bottom lip protruded out, "mmmmummy," he whined grasping for her.

They both paused looking at each other then the Doctor, "did he just," she began.

"Mummy," the Doctor repeated as if in an answer.

Jack nodded, "yes."

Donna grinned brightly taking the Doctor back, "you said your first word didn't you," she smiled pressing a kiss to his cheek, "now you're never going to stop," she commented rubbing their noses together. Realization sunk in, "he doesn't remember," she worried.

"That isn't necessarily the case," tried Jack to calm her. "Give it time," he supplied.

Turning to go upstairs Donna's shoulders reflected the lack of hope coursing through her, "that's what you keep saying. But he should know my name. It's time to face the fact. This isn't the Doctor anymore," she realized aloud.


	13. Chapter 13

Six weeks. Six weeks of taking it slow. Six weeks of Donna going out of her mind as Jack forced her to relax so her body could heal. Six weeks that thankfully were over today. Donna stretched out, refusing to open her eyes not wanting to start the day. As much as she was happy to be in the clear, the daunting task of searching through the various things that could have happened to the Doctor loomed over her. As much as Donna wanted to figure out what happened, the realistic expectation of all the wrong turns and let downs made her want to hide under the covers forever.

"Mummy," she heard the Doctor call through the baby monitor, "mummy I'm hungry," he continued.

Rolling her eyes Donna heaved herself out of bed, stretching pain free as she had been the last couple weeks now that her ribs were healed and made her way to the Doctor who was standing up in his crib, eyes trained on the door, "did you sleep well," she asked seeing his bright face.

"Mummy," he cheered as Donna picked him up. The Doctor cuddled into her neck, resting his head on her collar bone. He couldn't be more content if he tried.

Pressing a kiss to his cheek Donna carried him into the living room, "are you going to start walking today," she joked.

"No," the Doctor giggled shaking his head.

Setting him down Donna turned on the television to something he'd like. She still couldn't believe that the oncoming storm preferred Pippa Pig to anything knowledge based, "what does my special guy want today? Pancakes," Donna suggested.

"Eggs," he cheered wriggling up and down while clapping his hands together.

Donna opened the fridge, "eggs it is," she smiled. Like his older self, the Doctor loved using words and after his first word, his lips had just kept on rolling.

She was overcome by a sharp pain radiating through her forehead, "it's actually simple. We explain that your eggs are no longer viable and thus our need for a child," the Doctor explained pacing around the console room.

"There are other options for that route," Donna scoffed. "If we go in we have to make it believable," she sighed.

Turning the Doctor slapped his head, "I'm so thick sometimes. We aren't compatible," he exclaimed. "We could never have a child. Your genes are far less superior to mine. It would take a miracle."

"Thanks," sighed Donna.

The Doctor sat across from her, "no. It's perfect. Why else would we need to adopt other than our genes could not procure a child for ourselves," he suggested.

"Maybe I don't want our child to have your pompous attitude," she laughed.

His eyes shone brighter than his two dimples, "oh Donna Noble you love my arrogance," he commented. "Go on and get dressed, we have a family to make," he reminded her.

Letting his words sink in Donna shook her head. He really needed to learn how to properly word things.

"Donna, Donna can you hear me," called Jack's voice.

Her eyes fought the want to open as pain throbbed in her temple, what happened," she moaned finally forcing them open and meeting Jack's eyes.

"Mummy," she heard the Doctor cry.

Her hand flew to her head, "where is she," Donna worried sitting up too fast.

"Whoa there, take it easy," suggested Jack placing a hand on each on her shoulders to keep Donna from wobbling, "take a minute before we try to get you up."

The throbbing of her head made it hard to focus on Jack's face, "what happened? Did you say," she inquired

"You passed out," he frowned letting his hands fall as she leaned against the wall.

She watched as Jack continued to crouch before her, "how you'd get here," questioned Donna confused.

"He called me," Jack motioned to the Doctor who was standing in the play pen rocking it to get out.

Donna shook her head confused, "but how?"

Smiling Jack stood reaching his hand out to her, "let me show you."

Carefully Donna took his hand and let him assist her to the couch. Sitting down she watched as Jack picked the Doctor up and placed him on the ground, "mummy," he sobbed standing and rushing over to her. Well as fast as his little legs would take him.

"You're walking," Donna gasped.

"I told you he'd go straight to running," chuckled Jack sitting beside them on the couch as the Doctor got comfortable in her lap, hugging her close.

Placing kisses on his forehead Donna refused to look at Jack, "I remembered something," she finally confessed.

"About the Doctor," he inquired.

Nodding Donna watched the child Doctor in her lap, "we were on our way to adopt," she paused. "Not like together but to figure out something. I think there was an oddity the Doctor picked up on and we were posing as a couple trying to come up with a plan as to why we needed to adopt," Donna explained.

"That should help narrow down your results," Jack smiled.

Realizing what Jack said Donna met his eyes, "you mean I'm actually allowed to go to work now," she growled.

"You've been a good housewife these past six weeks. I think you've earned it," he snickered.

The Doctor grabbed Donna's hand pulling on it, "mummy I'm hungry," he whined.

"Apparently I can't stop the motherly duties yet," she sighed moving the Doctor so she could stand.

Before she had a chance Jack was up on his feet taking the Doctor from her, "how about we go out for breakfast," he asked the toddler.

Frowning the Doctor reached for Donna, "mummy," he called.

"I don't think he's giving me an option," she realized reaching out and taking the kicking boy from Jack's hands. "You want eggs still," Donna cooed standing up and cuddling the Doctor on her hip.

Nodding he buried his face in her chest, "I wuv you," the Doctor promised tugging on her shirt.

"I know baby boy and I love you too but you have teeth now so solid food it is," she firmly reminded making the Doctor frown.

At his kicking Donna set him down, "mummy," he argued pushing his bottom lip out and blinking his golden eyes at her.

"Oi, you're not getting what you want that way mister," warned Donna intending to prepare the breakfast she had been interrupted during earlier.

"He certainly has a little temper," Jack laughed watching the pouting toddler.

The Doctor crossed his arms shaking his legs in anger, "it isn't fair," he pouted.

"Life isn't fair love," explained Donna. If life was fair she wouldn't be here. For that matter either would he. They'd both be on the TARDIS running from some insane alien.

Jack came up behind her wrapping his arms around her, "you'll get him back," he tried to comfort.

Turning in his arms she buried her face allowing the tears to escape that she'd been holding in since the Doctor's first word wasn't Donna, "and if we don't," she paused too scared to say the words. "Jack, I don't think I can keep going on like this. I miss him. It grows every day," she sobbed.

"Hey now," he soothed, "it will be alright. Everything's alright," promised Jack.

Unable to control her humor at his words Donna let go of his shirt. "Alright," she laughed. "Nothing is alright," Donna breathed. "We're all so fucked. One day something is going to happen and we'll have a fucking toddler unable to help save the world."

"I can help, my whole team can," supplied Jack trying to give her hope.

Shaking her head Donna cracked two eggs into the pan, "it's not the same and you know it," she scoffed watching the edges begin to sizzle as she scrambled them, "make yourself useful and pop in some toast will you? He loves marmalade toast with his eggs," she explained.

"Donna," continued Jack.

She shook her head, "not now."

"I'll feed him, you go research. Take some time," he tried.

Taking a deep breath Donna worried her lip, "and what you'll swoop in and save the day? You can't keep doing that. Go be with your team," she tried.

"I am with my team. I belong with you and the Doctor now," promised Jack wrapping his arms around her. "You're the only one who can save him Donna. I know you can," he encouraged.

Feeling so overwhelmed Donna knew she had to get away, "here," she said handing Jack the spatula and leaving him in the kitchen.

Standing the Doctor grabbed onto her leg as Donna began to walk past him, "mummy," he protested.

"Stay with uncle Jack," she ordered prying his arms from her leg and leaving him in the living room. She couldn't reach her bedroom fast enough. Locking the bedroom door behind her Donna sunk to the floor. Jack was right, the Doctor was never coming back if she didn't do her job but what if she wasn't good enough? Curling up Donna wrapped her arms around her knees. It was too much. How could the Doctor expect all of this from her? She was only going to fail him yet again. "Come on Donna, get it together," she sighed wiping the tears away. Now certainly wasn't the time to fall apart. Pushing herself p Donna grabbed her laptop and laid down on her bed, turning it on and accessing the Torchwood files. "Shit," she growled remembering that Jack had changed the password on her. Standing to unlock the door she cracked it, "what's the new Torchwood password," hollered Donna.

"Tenth regeneration," replied Jack who had been humming in the kitchen.

Tenth regeneration. How stupid was she? "Thanks," Donna muttered closing the door and plopping down on the bed. Logging into the Torchwood files it was time for Donna to shine as she typed in her search parameters. Doctor and Children. "Only 5.8 million. Fucking great," she scoffed worrying her lip. "Well, there's no better place to start," she began by clicking on the first search result.

Names she had never heard of like Susan Foreman, someone named John and another called Jill. Yet another hit resulted Donna on someone called Miranda and a girl named Ace, both of which the Doctor had adopted and reared. One hit talked about a distant grandchildren Alex, Ian, Barbara and David who had once traveled with him. There were other links that led to various nameless photographs of suspected children that belonged to the Doctor, listing them as actual time lords. By the time Donna reached a file on Jenny her eyes were starting to get heavy for the great deal of reading. However, none touch on what she was really looking for. Nothing was even close.

Donna had just began to close her eyes when she heard a knock, "I brought a late lunch," called Jack.

"Mummy are you done yet," begged the Doctor pounding on the door nowhere as nicely as Jack had knocked.

Smiling at his need for her Donna rolled her eyes, "come in," she snorted closing her laptop and rolling onto her side. "And what do I owe this pleasure," she asked.

The Doctor bounded for her reaching up knowing that he wouldn't be able to climb up on Dona's bed alone, "are you done yet? Can we play? I miss you," he pouted as Jack set tray on the bed.

"You missed lunch and breakfast so I though you could use something. Plus this little guy keeps begging to come ask you if you're done," he pointed at the Doctor who was contently sitting in Donna's lap.

Meeting the child Doctor's eyes Donna's smile grew, "you do, do you," she laughed raising her hands up and beginning to tickle him.

"Stop mummy," he pled wriggling about.

Holding her hands slightly over his belly giving him a reprieve Donna lowered her face inches from his own, "you think I should take a break," she asked.

Eagerly nodding the Doctor grinned, "come play mummy," he hinted at his approach again.

"How about you help me eat my lunch and we watch some telly," Donna suggested.

His smile couldn't be brighter if she had personally handed him a bunch of bananas, "I love you mummy," he smiled as she carried him out of her bedroom.

"How was your first search," questioned Jack picking the tray back up.

Donna plopped down on the couch, "as I suspected," she sighed, "completely useless."

The Doctor made a grab for the sandwich on her plate, "oi, spaceman," she chided handing him a smaller much more manageable piece for a child of his age.

"You can't give up hope so soon," Jack tried to comfort.

"I didn't say I was now did I," she retorted grabbing a piece of sandwich for herself. Taking a mouthful Donna watched the Doctor happily munching away. "I knew it wasn't going to be easy," Donna began, "I just thought that it would be faster. I thought we'd have him back. What kind of a life can this be for him? He doesn't even know how magnificent he is. It's a shame," she noted still watching him.

Reaching over Jack placed his hand atop hers, "everything comes with time. I've been around long enough to see those I love most die. It's the one thing the Doctor and I understand that no one else gets," he explained.

"I've seen loved ones die. I've seen enough death that I would never wish on another," Donna argued. "My Gran, Lance, My Dad, the people of Pompeii, Jenny, those in the library," she paused, "I've seen enough death so I don't want to hear it."

Shaking his head Jack rubbed his thumb across her hand, "I'm not saying you haven't. It's different," he tried to help her comprehend. "It's one thing to lose those you love or witness destruction of others. But to lose those you shouldn't, your children, your wife, your," his voice caught in his throat, "it's not the same. Something you only can know if you've experienced."

Standing Donna had to move, she had to get out of there, away from him. Her hand hovered over the door before she turned to Jack marching back over to him, "I've lost too. Josh and Ella. They may not have been real but they were real to me. They were my children. And now I've lost him," she growled pointing to the Doctor.

"He's right here," Jack reminded her.

"That is not him," Donna boomed. "Does he look like the oncoming storm to you? Does he look like the Doctor? He doesn't remember who he is let alone any of us. He is completely unprotected and so are we," she exploded.

Unsure what to say or do Jack just sat there for a few moments watching Donna's ragged breathing become normal again, "what is causing this," he finally asked.

"I don't know," she hissed gently sitting on the table across from him and the Doctor who was staring at her, tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry," apologized Donna reaching out and cupping the Doctor's cheek. Tears blurred her vision, "I love him Jack," she muttered.

His had met her shoulder, "of course you do. We all love the Doctor," he emphasized.

"No, I love him," Donna pointed to the baby version of the Doctor. "I miss my best friend but I love him. I love it when he calls me mummy, the smile he gets on his face first thing in the morning, the way he curls his toes when he's ecstatically happy," she sputtered hiding her face in her hands.

Jack took a deep breath, "are you saying you don't want to change him back," he carefully asked.

Donna's eyes widened, "never. I wouldn't, couldn't. But what if we can't Jack? I promised him forever and what if it's just different than we thought it would be," she suggested. Silence hung at her proposal. Even the child Doctor's eyes were set on her, uncertain of what was going on around him. "I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe I'm just losing my mind," Donna scoffed, "I should get back to work," she willed herself getting up."

A hand on her wrist was the only thing that stopped her, "I'm sorry about what I said earlier. You know we're working on it too. I didn't mean to put pressure on you," he tried.

"You didn't. I just," her eyes stared at the child beside him, "I have a lot on my mind," Donna trailed off. The one thing she didn't have was a fee mind. Every thought she had focused on the Doctor. Not his adult self but the child who relied on her. She had gotten too close and if he was ever going to become himself one day Donna needed to get her mind straight before that happened.


	14. Chapter 14

Feeling the blanket shift Donna burrowed further under the covers, "not yet," she whined as an arm wrapped around her waist.

"He's still asleep, you have time," promised Jack placing his head at the base of her neck. Donna's eyes shot open, "what time is it. You have to get out of here before he sees," she worried. "He can't know you're spending the night.

Donna could feel his smile as air hissed out from Jack's laugh, "he wouldn't know what it meant even if he did," Jack protested.

"One day he would. Once he's the Doctor again," she paused pushing him away from her, "shove off and go get dressed," Donna order glimpsing at the clock. Jack pulled her closer to him just as she saw the time. 6:30, "he'll be up soon enough. Go on, get," she urged.

Letting go of her Jack rolled onto his back, "what does it matter if he sees me. Even if something were to happen," he began.

Standing Donna started to the bathroom, "we've been over this before. He can't know," she reminded him bending to toss Jack's crumpled shirt at him, "go on," she said locking herself inside the bathroom. Her worn face stared back at her, "what are you doing," Donna sighed staring at herself. She hadn't meant for it to happen. Donna was just so distraught of another fruitless search night. Three months, surely b now there would have been something. It hadn't taken her this long to find the Doctor again. But no, she was faced with children wearing gas masks, Madam De Pompadore and baby Rose Tyler. Not to mention all the black tape. Search results with little information she could view all because they were from the future and Jack shouldn't even have them. But, even that was better than rereading the file from the Library or Pompeii about all those they couldn't save.

"You okay in there," Jack knocked startling her from her thoughts.

"Mummy, are we going to the zoo? Is that why uncle Jack is here," the Doctor pounded echoing Jack's knock.

Rolling her eyes Donna knew that Jack couldn't escape now. "Baby I think uncle Jack has work to do today. Important work," she said squelching his plan.

Taking a deep breath Donna pulled her hair up in a pony tail before opening the door. Taking along with it her hope for a hot shower. "Aww," said the now pouting Doctor.

"Actually nothing important. I'm sure I could swing going to the zoo," Jack grinned.

Donna bit back the fury building within her in front of the Doctor. Couldn't he see she wanted to be alone? Last night had only been a weak moment. "It's over an hour each way. I'm sure your team needs you," she hinted turning to the Doctor and swooping him up, "wouldn't you like it to be just you and mummy," questioned Donna.

"I want uncle Jack to be there," the little Doctor pouted.

"Then I'll be there," Jack affirmed. "Why don't we get you dressed so your mom can get ready and we'll all go out to breakfast," he suggested.

The Doctor grinned madly, "yes," he yelped kicking so Donna put him down as he ran eagerly from the room.

"You don't have to come," she whispered just loud enough so Jack could hear.

He stepped closer closing the distance between them, "I want to. More so I think you could use another around. You can't just keep burying yourself I the files and closing the world out."

"I can do as I damn will please," she snapped pulling her arm from his hand. "I'm doing my duty. Don't you dare infer that I'm not," spat Donna.

Jack grabbed her wrist again, "I'm not the enemy," he protested.

Turning to face him their lips were inches apart, "no one ever thinks they are," dared Donna, "but anyone that can hurt him is my enemy," she warned.

"I'm not going to hurt him," reasoned Jack.

Her eyes darted from his, staring at the door worried about how long it would be before the Doctor returned. "I didn't say you were," Donna confessed.

Jack moved to face her, "then what," he pleaded.

"I can't remember Jack," Donna stammered. "Three months and no flash backs. Why can't I remember? What did I do to him," theorized Donna.

Placing his hand under her chin, Jack forced Donna to meet his eyes, "nothing," he promised. "Donna how could you think you would ever hurt him," he implored.

"Then why can't I remember? What happened so badly that the both of us can't remember? Don't you think that if it wasn't that bad I would," she raised her voice losing track of her thought.

Jack shook his head, "neither of us would ever hurt the Doctor," he urged.

"And what do you think him finding us in bed would do to him," spat Donna.

Ignoring the sinking of his shoulders Donna waited for Jack to answer, "he's a little kid he won't know otherwise," he argued.

But that wasn't good enough. It wasn't sure enough. "What about when he's an adult. Or when," Donna stopped to bit her lip and stop it from quivering hoping that the pain would prevent the tears from falling. "when he turns back, he'll think, he'll know," she tried to explain.

"He'll know what? That we slept in the same bed together? You only have one bed and refuse to let me move in with you. It's not that I haven't asked a million times," he tempted.

"It would just be more confusing. This isn't about us. It's about him. We can't ever forget that," urged Donna.

She could hear the padding of his feet signaling the Doctor was in route back to the bedroom. "Mummy are we still going to the zoo," he asked.

"Yeah baby of course we are anything you want today is your day," she promised.

The toddler Doctor looked between Jack and Donna unsure what was going on, "is Uncle Jack coming," he questioned noticing the tears run down her face that Donna had tried to hide not only from him but from Jack. Unsure Jack looked to her for the answer wanting to know what to say and not wanting to make a bigger mess than they were already in, "yeah baby he's coming," she answered.

"Are you sure," Jack worried.

Nodding Donna couldn't take it back even if she changed her mind seeing the grin the Doctor had, "yay Uncle Jack," he squealed jumping up and down as he clapped his hands together. Excited the Doctor grabbed Jack, pulling him from the room and leaving Donna alone with her mind.

Whether she was willing to admit it to Jack or not, isolating herself these past few weeks and making it just her and the Doctor had become a dangerous space. Although Donna argued it was for the best it was more of a preemptive way to protect herself full time. Donna had been aware no matter what she was going to get her in this. Someone always got hurt. It was the way of life with the Doctor. With the life he leads someone always has to pay the price and this time it was Donna.

The fact was she should be used to it by now. It wasn't her first rodeo. Donna had lost Lance and been unable to tell anyone what really happened, so this was just another day, just like in the library. Losing two kids and a husband were just another price to pay for traveling with the Doctor. What scared Donna wasn't any of this, no, it was the questioning about whether the price was worth it for even a moment of his greatness. That was what caused Donna the deep doubts in the darkness of the night causing her insistence of not wanting to be alone. But she owed him, and this is what she wanted so desperately from the day she told the Doctor home so it was the price she had to pay.

Flipping through her closet Donna picked out a pair of jeans and a shirt. She'd showered yesterday and that would have to be good enough. Today wasn't about going above and beyond, today was about just being. Slipping into her jeans and button down there was no need for makeup. Donna wasn't trying to impress anyone. Worrying her lip she pushed the thoughts from her mind by going to pack the Doctor's bag. Despite the greatness he once was for all other purposes he was just a child now. A child who grew at a more rapid rate than others and who had a love for knowledge that surpassed that of an ordinary child. To any passerby he was just a normal child who called her mummy, had his favorite stuffed animal kasterborous, and when he had bad dreams it was she who wiped away his tears. The only thing that even reminded her, he was different was his two beating hearts, the hearts that Donna would often place her hand over to feel beat trying to convince herself that this wasn't just a bad dream.

Donna had just finished packing his bag when he ran out jumping onto her back, "rawr," the Doctor yelped trying to scare her.

Running out after him Jack shook his head at the scene before him, "ahh," feigned Donna. "Some monster has got me! Help," she pretended to be terrified as the Doctor wrapped his tiny arms around her neck and she toppled sideways to the floor.

"I'm the great intelligence," he cackled, "you belong to me now," the Doctor informed her.

Jack walked over swooping the Doctor up and tossing him into the air, "not if I have anything to say about it," he laughed catching the Doctor and tickling him.

"Nooo, it doesn't work like that," whined the Doctor, "she's supposed to turn into a snowman," he protested.

Sitting up Donna crossed her arms, "a snow man? And why is that," she questioned getting up off the floor.

The Doctor shrugged, "I don't know. It seems right," he answered.

Looking over to Jack Donna's eyes wondered if he knew what the Doctor was on about. "How about breakfast," Jack said changing the subject.

"Yes," the Doctor cheered kicking his feet as Jack set him back down. Donna did love the way his tiny converse looked so adorable on his feet.

Running over to her the Doctor wrapped his arms around her leg, "mummy can we go now? Can I have pancakes," he begged.

Laughing Donna ruffled his brown locks, "whatever you want baby," she promised. "Are you ready," Donna asked the both of them.

"Anything else you need," questioned Jack.

"No, I think we have everything," she said opening the front door as Jack took the bag she had packed. The Doctor ran past them hurrying down the stairs. "Don't run," she warned as Jack hurried after the Doctor so she could lock up.

The car ride to breakfast was full of Pippa Pig, but by the time they reached the Bristol Zoo Donna was ready to steal the TARDIS and blink both Teletubies and Pippa Pig into nonexistence. When they reached the zoo, the way his face light up was unlike any other time she had seen it. Donna could barely keep up as the Doctor ran from the car to the door eagerly awaiting for her and Jack to catch up. No doubt filled by the sugary pancakes he had devoured an hour before. "Mummy I wanna see the giraffes," he complained.

"The giraffes," Jack smirked, "lets go get a map," he suggested picking the Doctor up and letting him sit on his shoulders.

Anyone watching them would have thought they were the perfect family. Little did they know the reality of their situation. "Giraffes, giraffes, giraffes," chanted the Doctor as they made their way to the enclosure. Seeing the first giraffe the Doctor's mouth dropped hanging open in awe of the massive animals before him. "Mummy will I be big like them one day," he asked.

"One day you'll be really tall love, but not that tall," she explained.

His face sunk in realization that he would never be as tall as the giant giraffe, "what if I drink lots and lots of milk," the Doctor hoped aloud.

"You can grow up big and strong like your uncle if you do that," chimed Jack.

The light in the Doctor's eyes light back up, "really," he asked.

"Yeah bud, of course you can. One day you might even use a gun," he winked.

Hearing this Donna couldn't contain her laughter, "or not. No guns. Never guns," she affirmed. Even if they were going to wind up raising the Doctor he was not going to be a gun person. It went against the being of who he was.

"Can I learn how to shoot one," he begged.

Before Jack could answer Donna shook her head, "no way. Absolutely not," she ordered meeting Jack's eyes. "He is not ever going to shoot a gun. Do you got that?"

Bringing his hand up to his head, Jack saluted her in understanding of her order, "whatever you say," he promised.

"I'm serious Jack. No guns," Donna pushed.

"But mummy," protested the Doctor.

Donna put on her serious face, "no," she repeated.

For a moment Donna could tell he tried to decide whether or not to throw a temper tantrum, but alas he decided against it as he bent down to whisper into Jack's ear, "can we go see the hippos now," he begged.

"Oh I wish I was a hippopotamus, oh I'd hop and I'd dive, do a happy little jive," Jack sung marching towards the hippo water land as the Doctor joined in singing his song.

Coming up on the hippo encampment the Doctor bounced with glee, "pygmy hippos. That means they are smaller," he explained.

Sometimes, he was too cute for words, "you are a little genius aren't you," Donna boasted.

"Mummy why are they in the water," he asked only seeing the top of their heads.

"Because they're trying to stay cool," answered Jack for her reading the sign.

Scrunching his face up the Doctor seemed dissatisfied by the response he was given, "but why," he questioned again.

"You know when you get hot and start taking off your jammies," Donna tried.

He nodded, "yea it doesn't feel comfortable," the Doctor agreed.

"Well, they don't have clothes to take off so they have to get in the water love," explained Donna.

"Oh okay," beamed the Doctor accepting her answer.

Not being able to see the hippos made him tire of them quickly and soon they were onto elephants, red pandas, meerkats, river otters and penguins. Donna was becoming worn out herself, not being used to the typical running that she once had been. She was about to suggest they go as she heard the Doctor's tummy growl, "what do you want for lunch love," she asked him.

"Everyone knows that you have to have hotdogs," suggested Jack.

The Doctor's eyes got wide, "hot dog," he wondered, "mummy what's a hot dog," he asked.

"It's cooked meat in a bun," Donna tried to explain.

"I think he'll just have to try one," Jack pushed.

Bouncing the Doctor smiled, "yes mummy. Please mummy," he pled.

"Yes baby. It is your day," she agreed as they made their way to the stand.

Donna spied a table alone in the corner that was still empty, "go on and get him anything he wants," she told Jack. Cleaning the table she ensured that it was good enough for the three of them as Donna watched Jack order food and tug the Doctor along on his shoulders still.

"You have a lovey family," a dark haired woman came up and said looking at Jack and the Doctor as they made their way back from ordering food.

Startled Donna smiled, "um, thank you," she partially questioned unsure how else to reply.

"How old is your son," the woman asked.

Trying to think quickly Donna looked at the Doctor. How old did he look? A year? Year and a half? "He's fifteen months," she replied hastily.

"They grow so fast," the woman replied. "Make sure you remember every moment. You have a very lovely family," she replied.

Donna watched Jack and the Doctor eagerly willing him to hurry up by pulling on his hair so he could eat, "yes I am lucky," she said aloud realizing it wasn't untrue.

Turning Donna realized that the woman was no longer standing there. Looking around she couldn't find her at any of the other tables either. "Something wrong," worried Jack on high alert noticing Donna's alarmed face.

"I was just talking," she paused, "there was someone just here," she tried to explain.

Jack set down the food they had ordered and helped the Doctor down from his shoulder, "lunch," the Doctor cheered sitting next to Donna and curling into her side with a hug, "thank you mummy. This is the best day ever," he squealed.


	15. Chapter 15

On the way home Jack got the brilliant idea to cook for them all and Donna knowing better couldn't resist. After they got home Jack turned to the kitchen as Donna got the Doctor unwound from the day with bath time and a good scrubbing to get the dirt and face paint off despite his protests. She did have to admit what a wonderful day this had turned out to be especially as she sat next to the Doctor washing him clean. If she wasn't careful she could become used to this. Well, more so than she already was.

After drying him off and getting him changed into pajamas Donna settled into dinner. Realizing only then that the bath she had just worked so hard on would soon be a waste of time once the Doctor got his hands in his spaghetti. "I didn't think this through," she snickered sitting.

"If he makes a mess I can clean it," offered Jack.

Leaning over Donna pulled the Doctor's sleeves up, "its fine," she smiled as the Doctor started licking his lips hungrily.

Eagerly the Doctor grabbed a meatball and started taking bites, "remember to chew," warned Donna. The last thing either of them wanted was to have to give chest compressions to the tot Doctor.

Grinning madly at her the Doctor smiled showing her his chewed up meat, "yes mummy," he agreed garbled.

"Somethings never change," she sighed causing Jack to burst into laughter.

Using his fork, unlike the Doctor Jack watched the mess unfold before them, "he has always loved food," acknowledged Jack.

"Oh did he take you on a taste testing tour as well," she snickered eating her own dinner.

Jack set his fork down for a moment, "no. I was never that lucky. We've been through a lot though. I owe him my life, well, apparently Rose. But if I had never met him I wouldn't be the man I am today," he confessed.

"Is that a good thing then," questioned Donna.

Silence hung as Jack pondered the answer, "yes. I have had a wonderful family because of the life I've been given at the hands of the Doctor. I wouldn't trade any of it," he admitted. Watching Donna he took a sip of wine, "would you?"

Not expecting his frank answer or for the question to be turned on her Donna wasn't sure what to say. "He did save me from being fed to a spider," she offered.

"That wasn't what I asked," Jack pushed.

Quickly she shoved a bite of spaghetti into her mouth. It was one thing to ponder this though in her mind but another altogether to say it aloud. "He's my best mate. Who wouldn't want to travel time and space with their best mate," Donna said.

"A lot," Jack interrupted. "When that travel comes at a high price like we've paid most would decline not go searching him out like we both have," he laughed.

"I guess that makes us insane," Donna reckoned.

Nodding Jack glanced over at the Doctor who was half done with his meal, "about as insane as him," he suggested.

Donna looked over seeing a orange clad face, "the only time he's ever quite is when he's eating and causing trouble," she giggled. "But at least I'll get by with a simple face wash. No spaghetti in his ears this time," she commented, "maybe he's learning."

"Spaghetti in his ears," grimaced Jack.

Twirling her own wine glass Donna took a swig, "the things this boy does. At least when he was grown he could clean himself. I have to keep the marmalade on the top shelf of the refrigerator or he'd have a bath in it every day," she bellowed.

When she looked back to the Doctor his plate was empty and he was watching the conversation between her and Jack carefully, "do you want more," she asked.

"No, I'm full," he smiled rubbing his stomach satisfied.

Reaching for a napkin Donna dipped the edge in her water glass pulling his face closer to her to wash off the drying spaghetti sauce, "what do you say to uncle Jack," she questioned.

"Thank you," he wriggled trying to get away from Donna as she moved onto his hands.

Finishing wiping his hands clean she leaned in pressing a kiss to his head, "are you ready for bed mister," Donna encouraged.

"Uncle Jack can I stay up late," begged the Doctor.

Standing Jack began to clear the table, "that falls into your mother's territory," he advised not wanting to get involved.

Pulling him up from his chair Donna gave the Doctor a hug and kiss and patted his behind, "go brush your teeth," she ordered.

"Okay mummy," the Doctor agreed realizing that an argument would go nowhere. Even for a toddler he knew when to pick his fights with Donna.

Picking up the last few dishes from the table Donna tossed the left overs into Tupperware and into the refrigerator, "I'll clean those," she instructed, "go relax," Donna ordered. Putting the dirty cooking bowls in the sink she took one look and decided to take a break. Grabbing her glass of wine Donna collapsed on the couch where Jack had made a spot for himself, "I'm leaving the dishes for later," she sighed propping her feet up on the table, "thank you for dinner, it was great," she smiled relaxing into the cushion.

The Doctor came toddling out and crawled up onto her lap, "did you brush your teeth," she asked smelling the mint that still lingered on his left cheek. Donna reached up and wiped it off with her thumb as the Doctor scrunched his face.

Scrambling over to Jack before she could get it all he giggled, "stop mummy," he laughed, "it tickles."

"It tickles," Donna echoed, "I'll show you what tickles," she beamed pulling his shirt up and puffing her cheeks out blowing raspberries on his stomach.

He squealed in delight kicking and pushing her away, "mummy stop," he hollered.

Pulling her face back Donna's smile reached both her ears, "okay, okay," she agreed meeting Jack's eyes who gave her a wink.

Jack raised his hands aiming his fingers, "but I'm not done," he quickly let on tickling the Doctor's sides.

"Mummy, make him stop," he howled between bursts of laughter.

Rescuing him from Jack, Donna hugged the Doctor close to her chest as he snuggled into her. She had just raised her glass taking another sip of wine when the Doctor scrunched his face as if trying to make a decision, "what's wrong bug," she queried noticing his expression.

"Are you going to become my daddy," he innocently questioned.

Inhaling the wine wrong down the wrong hole Donna began to choke, coughing to help the liquid escape her lungs. "Are you okay," Jack asked patting her back, ensuring she was breathing fine.

"Yeah," she gasped shaking her head trying to hide the mixture of shock and horror. "I think its bed time for you mister," Donna said giving the Doctor her stern face.

Trying to escape her grip he frowned "mummy," the Doctor began to protest.

"You need to listen to your mom," Jack encouraged.

Resigning the Doctor stood up, "okay," he grunted.

Donna paused standing up, "go tell your uncle Jack goodnight and thank him for the zoo," she reminded the Doctor.

"Thank you uncle Jack," the little boy replied in monotone crawling up and placing a kiss on Jack's lips. Donna laughed and the adorableness of it all. It was something she would always cherish.

The Doctor ran over to her holding his arms up as Donna bent down picking him up, "what book do you want me to read," she questioned.

"Le Petite Prince," the Doctor cheered.

Laughing Donna rolled her eyes, "again," she clarified.

"Always," the Doctor agreed.

Turning the light off and flicking on the night light she walked in the room Donna pulled back the comet covers and tucked the Doctor in, "you got mister kasterborous," she asked as he wrapped his little arm around the well loved robot.

"Yes," he chirped, "Le Petite Prince," the Doctor chanted.

"Okay, okay," Donna smiled taking the book from the shelf and slipping her shoes off so she could crawl into bed next to him. She wrapped her arm around the Doctor as he rested his head against her breast just like he had so often when a baby, it was almost as if it was his safety zone. Donna pressed a kiss to his messy brown hair, "I love you," she proclaimed.

The Doctor looked up at her smiling, "I love you too mummy," he grinned moving his head up for a kiss.

She opened the book and began to read, "once when I was six years old I saw a magnificent picture in a book called True Stories from Nature, about the primeval forest. It was a picture of a boa constrictor in the act of swallowing an animal. Here is a copy of the drawing," she paused making sure the Doctor could see the picture. "In the book it said: 'Boa constrictors swallow their prey whole, without chewing it. After that they are not able to move, and they sleep through the six months that they need for digestion,'" she continued.

"Mummy is that why I'm tired after dessert," he asked meeting her eyes.

"Yes baby, now shh. Try to close your eyes okay sweetheart," Donna encouraged turning back to the book. She knew if he closed his eyes he would soon be asleep but just like his adult self the Doctor resisted the call of sleep as long as he could. "I pondered deeply, then, over the adventures of the jungle. And after some work with a colored pencil I succeeded in making my first drawing. My Drawing Number One. It looked something like this," she said making sure the book was open wide enough he could peek at the picture. "I showed my masterpiece to the grown-ups, and asked them whether the drawing frightened them," she read.

"Mummy are my drawings masterpieces," he interrupted again.

Donna smiled pressing a kiss to his head again, "baby everything you do is a masterpiece," she affirmed trying to get back to the reading. "But they answered: 'Frighten? Why should anyone be frightened by a hat?' My drawing was not a picture of hat. It was a picture of a boa constrictor digesting an elephant. But since the grown-ups were not able to understand it, I made another drawing: I drew the inside of a boa constrictor, so that the grown-ups could see it clearly. The always need to have things explained. My Drawing Number Two looked like this," Donna recited partially from memory.

She peered down to see if the Doctor was looking at the picture and upon conformation his eyes were closed Dona set the book aside cradling him for a few quiet moments. Gently lifting his head and placing it on the pillow Donna ensured his blanket was carefully tucked around him and mister kasterborous before flicking on the constellation light and setting his room aglow with the Earth's view of space.

Hearing the clinking of dishes Donna grabbed her glass of wine and came up beside Jack, "you didn't have to do that," she scolded.

"I think the word you're looking for is thank you," Jack reminded her.

Donna rolled her eyes, "thanks," she spat out leaning against the counter taking a big gulp.

"What's wrong," he asked turning the dishwasher on and facing her.

Considering his question she took another swig, "what if he never remembers," she sighed, "do I continue this forever? Will he never know how special he is," Donna wondered.

"You show him he's special every day," he replied. Noticing her unresolved conflict Jack took a deep breath moving closer to her, "what's this really about," he pushed.

"I miss him," Donna paused, "almost as much as I love this. I know I'm his world cause he thinks I'm his mum but," She drank another mouthful, "I miss feeling important." she croaked.

Jack wrapped his arms around her like the Doctor used to, "what you're doing is important," he promised.

She missed the way it felt to be hugged by the Doctor. His hugs were like nothing else she'd ever experienced, "don't lie to me," she started.

He brought his mouth down beside her ear, "you are important," he whispered sliding his hand under her blouse and flicking her nipple with his finger. Donna's mouth opened searching for his as her breath quickened. Jack picked her up resting her on the counter as he began to pull at the buttons on her blouse. Loosening them his mouth sought out her breast pushing her bra out of the way and taking it in his mouth.

Jack yanked at her pants unbuttoning her jeans and pulling them down to reveal her black underwear. His mouth navigated south along her body as he kneeled before her pressing his lips to her wet lace and dragging her legs towards him further. Donna closed her eyes reaching down and grabbing a hand full of hair, "mummy," she heard a scream come from the Doctor's bedroom, "mummy," he shrieked again.

"Stop," Donna said pushing Jack away from her and pulling her jeans up. Donna pulled her top together fastening a couple buttons and tucked her hair behind her ears. "Mummy's coming baby, it's okay," she soothed hurrying toward him.

Frazzled Jack stood there, "I can go," he offered as Donna rushed past him.

Seeing his tear filled cheeks Donna clicked on his bedside lamp, "you're okay baby, its okay," she calmed pulling him onto her lap and rocking him gently. The Doctor clung to her desperately, clawing at her shirt wanting to be as close to her as possible. "Shhh," she calmed hugging him close to her. Once he had stopped crying rocked him gently, "baby it was just a bad dream," she explained.

He sniffed as she wiped his tears away, "mummy why do I keep having bad dreams," his voice shook.

"I don't know baby," Donna soothed rubbing his back, "but they're just dreams. There is nothing to be fearful of," she assured him. "Do you remember what this one was," she asked.

The Doctor nodded, "it was a big blue circle and they wanted me to look in it. One boy looked and started crying. I didn't want to look mummy but I didn't have a choice," he shivered.

"Let me cover you up baby," she told him tucking him back in bed beside her and wrapping his blanket around him and tucking Mister kasterborous in the crook of his arm once again. "You don't have to look if you don't want to baby," Donna assured him.

He was still shaking, "they were gonna make me mummy," he wept.

"It's over now. If you have that dream again you don't have to look. I promise. You don't have to do anything you don't want to," she paused when she noticed his smile, "well other than what mummy says," Donna quickly added.

She scooted down in the bed, wrapping herself around him, "mummy I'm scared to go back to sleep," he whimpered.

"I'll be right here baby, I promise," Donna assured him. She laid beside him listening as his breathing evened out. "I'm never going to leave you," Donna declared. When the Doctor began to snore she knew for sure that he was asleep and slipped out from his bed. Leaning over she pressed a kiss to his forehead brushing the brown fringe from his forehead, "sleep well Doctor," she whispered leaving his bedside lamp on in case another bad dream threatened his rest.

When she went back to the living room she was secretly hoping that Jack would have left but he was sitting on the couch, "you're still here," she said surprised.

"We were interrupted," he smiled moving closer.

Donna shook her head, "or, we were stopped from making a mistake," she corrected him. "I can't, not when I have the Doctor to look after. He needs to come first," she said walking over and drinking the rest of her wine.

Jack inched toward her, "and he always will, Donna I'm not going to prevent that," he promised.

"What if something happens," she argued.

Jack held his hand out, "nothing is going to happen that you don't want," he encouraged.

Reaching out she took his hand, "stay the night. I just, I can't be alone. Not right now," she asked biting her lip ashamed to show her needs.

"Any time," Jack smiled following her to the bedroom.


	16. Chapter 16

Donna could feel someone pulling on her arm. As she opened her eyes her lamp came into focus, "mummy why is uncle Jack in your bed," the young Doctor asked.

She felt the Doctor pick up Jack's arm off her and tuck himself in between the two of them preventing Jack from touching her. Donna took a deep breath rolling over trying to figure out what to say, "I was tired any your mummy let me sleep here rather than drive all the way home," Jack answered giving the two of them more room.

"You could have slept on the couch," he told Jack making Donna giggle.

Pulling the Doctor to her Donna pressed a kiss to his cheek, "uncle Jack is very old and sleeping on the couch isn't good for old people," Donna laughed. "Now where is my good morning kiss," she asked.

The Doctor leaned in swiping his nose back and forth with hers, "eskimo kisses," he cheered before getting a very serious face. He stared into her eyes, "mummy is it time for breakfast yet," he questioned.

"Come on," Jack motioned, "let's go make mummy breakfast," he grinned.

Bounding up the Doctor started jumping on the bed, "can we have french toast? Please mummy please," he begged.

"That's up to uncle Jack," she told him pulling him down, "and what have I told you about jumping on beds," Donna scolded.

Jack stood up revealing his batman underwear and pulled on his pants, grabbing his shirt from the ground and slipped it on. The Doctor raised his arms up to him and Jack picked him up, "let's go make your mom breakfast superman," he smiled leaning over Donna quickly and pressing a kiss to her temple, "take a shower, relax, I've got this," he whispered before turning to the Doctor in his arms, "give your mom a kiss," he urged so the Doctor planted a wet goopy one on her lips.

Donna laughed at the two maniacs in her house, "oi, don't make a mess," she warned resting back in the bed. She hadn't meant for the Doctor to find them but thankfully the situation had been explained away easily enough. God forbid if he had caught them last night in the kitchen. She shook her head riding her mind of the disaster of a thought.

Throwing the covers back Donna got out of bed and padded to the bathroom. She looked at her tired frame in the mirror. She pulled off her t-shirt and let her pajama bottoms and undies slid to the floor. Her body ached wanting to be touched but she was the only one that would be touching it. Donna turned the shower on before glancing at her bath Turning it off she switched the faucet on. She deserved a break, so she'd take one. Jack had it under control.

Dipping into the warm water Donna rested her head on the tub edge closing her eyes. She had just slid down an inch further when she felt something prodding her back. Reaching around she pulled a plastic spaceship from under her and tossed it out of the tub, "bloody toys," she growled.

There was no denying that having a second pair of hands around for the Doctor was nice, especially how well he and Jack got on. Maybe she needed to think ahead, be realistic with what might happen or might not happen in the near future. Every day it was becoming more apparent that the Doctor wasn't going to return to his normal self. Each day Donna was just continuing to fail him. Maybe it was time for plan B. Just maybe she should listen to Jack's suggestion and let him move in. The Doctor would have a father figure and this wasn't Jack's first time doing this. Donna would have a second support and they could just be two people who love the Doctor helping to raise him into the man he has always meant to be.

Pounding on the door disrupted her from her thoughts, "mummy are you gonna come out," the Doctor hollered through the door trying to fiddle with the handle.

He hadn't quite ever figured out handles. Donna wondered if it was because he was always sonicing everything open all the time, "yeah baby I'll be out shortly," she promised.

"It's almost ready and I'm really hungry," he declared.

She couldn't help but laugh, "you can start without me love," she encouraged. There wasn't even a thank you just loud footsteps running out of the room, "don't run," she yelled after him. Resting her head back down.

It was clear that Jack was great with him and the Doctor had more fun when Jack was around. Hell, she had more fun when Jack was around. As much as she somewhat hated to admit it Jack had become a great friend and confidant. Almost rivaling that of her friendship with the Doctor. It wouldn't be that difficult to say yes.

A little while later there was a knock on the door, "um, Donna, I'm going to need the bath after you're done," Jack's voice rang through.

Donna bit back the laughter, "syrup," she questioned.

"Yeah," Jack admitted.

Pulling herself from the tub Donna yanked the drain before wrapping a towel around herself, "it's all yours," she rolled her eyes tossing the bath chair back into the tub.

"Mummy I don't need that," the Doctor protested as he ran in to the room.

"Don't get your mother sticky," Jack shot chasing him in. He tackled him before the Doctor was able to touch her and began pulling off the syrup covered pajamas. Leaning over Donna turned the water on allowing it to get the right temperature for his time lord skin before filling the tub, "you even got it in your hair," Jack complained.

Sitting on the tub edge Donna watched the two of them, "well you said yes to French toast," she shrugged.

He picked the now naked Doctor up, setting him in the tub, "your breakfast is on the table and coffee is freshly made," Jack instructed hinting for her to leave.

Standing Donna looked at Jack and the Doctor, "the two of you behave yourselves," she ordered leaving them alone.

Picking out a clean top and pants Donna could hear the Doctor splashing around as Jack tried not to get soaking wet, "you can play if I wash you first," Jack tried to reason.

"It's useless trying to compromise with him," Donna hollered, "just take the wash cloth and get it over with. He's a squirmier," she warned.

Although she was tempted to stay and listen to Jack fight the Doctor during bath time Donna decided to make use of the Doctor's current distraction by eating breakfast and giving Wilf his weekly call. Sitting down she gulped a bit of her coffee to help her get her edge before dialing the number. Hopefully he would have remembered to charge his cell this time so she wouldn't have to call the house and risk getting her mum. Shuddering at the thought of their last accidental phone conversation Donna dialed the familiar number.

"Hullo," Wilf answered.

Donna couldn't help but smile at the sound of his voice, "hi Gramps," she cheered. His voice was always a source of comfort for her.

"How is my favorite granddaughter and her alien doing this week," he questioned.

Taking another sip of coffee Donna curled up in the chair, "good. We went to the zoo yesterday. I'll send you an email with pictures later," she promised.

"The zoo? That's more like the Donna I know. I'm glad you're getting out of the house again," he said.

She could hear the smile on his face through the phone, "only because Jack made me," confessed Donna.

"Good man," he chuckled. Unsure what to say Donna just sat there for a few moments letting his laugh die out. "Sweetheart what's the matter," Wilf worried.

Unsure how to say what was on her mind Donna bit her lip, "nothing," she lied.

"I know you better than anyone remember," he warned.

Standing Donna moved closer to her front door so she could escape out if it Jack and the Doctor appeared. "I don't know what to do Gramps," she confessed.

"About what love," the old man wondered.

This conversation shouldn't be had on the phone but right now there was no other option, "I don't think he's ever going to come back," she sobbed.

"You have to have faith," argued the old man.

Crumpling against the door Donna allowed her body to slip down, "it's never been like this before. Usually he's come up with a plan or helped me know what to do. I keep trying but I'm not cut out for this. I'm failing him," she sobbed.

"Darling you could never fail him as long as you have hope. You're doing the best you can. You needn't be too hard on yourself. He trusts you," he tried to instill hope in her.

Wiping the tears from her eyes Donna sat there quietly, "he put trust in the wrong person," she murmured.

"What happened to the brilliant Donna Noble the Doctor always so proudly told me stories of," he reminded her of the wonders she was capable in dire circumstances.

That Donna wasn't here anymore. That Donna felt miles away. "I'm not her anymore. I'm just a single mum incapable of anything."

It hurt Wilfred to hear his granddaughter talk about herself like this, "Donna," he began.

"Jack wants to move in and I'm thinking about letting him," she confessed.

Wilf cleared his throat, clearly surprised by her comment, "I didn't know you two were becoming something," he said.

"We aren't," Donna clarified. "I think it might be best for the Doctor to have someone around. Someone who can bring brightness into his life," she explained.

Unsure what to say Wilf remained quiet, "are you sure," he questioned.

"I think so. I don't know. Everything I once knew is so radically different," she sighed.

It was clear to everyone but her that she had decided even if she wasn't positive, "it sounds like you want this," he told her.

"I don't mind having another person around. It could be worse," she concluded. "He's great with the Doctor and the Doctor loves him," claimed Donna.

He let out a chuckle, "I think the only one he doesn't love is your mum," laughed Wilf. "If you think it's the best do it. Donna you are the only one who knows what is best for you and the Doctor right now. If you think that it would be better for you all then do it," he encouraged. "Trust your gut. I think you'll find you know what's right. You've grown so much since you started traveling with him," he insisted.

"Thank you Gramps," she almost sobbed as relief flooded her. "I miss you. I think it's time we arranged another trip," she suggested.

The smile was clear in his voice, "anything for you," Wilf promised. Donna could hear her mum in the background, "I have to go," he whispered.

"I know Gramps. I love you," she told him.

From the sound the phone was clearly moving as if he was trying to hide it from Sylvia, "I love you too darling," he said before hanging up.

Now Donna knew she had discuss things with Jack. Finishing her breakfast Donna sat there alone. Maybe a second set of hands and a great friend to share things with wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Making herself busy by cleaning the dishes and tidying up the place Donna could hear the Doctor laughing so loud it sounded like he was screaming. "What's going on in here," Donna asked barging into her own bathroom. The scene before only left one option. Donna had no other choice but to burst into laughter. Jack was sitting in the tub fully clothes as the Doctor continued to splash him and scream in delight, "what happened," she choked out.

"I slipped," mumbled Jack.

Grabbing one of the Doctor's towels she rolled her eyes, "I can tell," she giggled. "Come on love, let's leave uncle Jack to clean up," she said as the Doctor stood so she could wrap him in his monkey towel. "I'll get him dressed. Why don't you clean up and then we can have a chat," she said picking the Doctor up and tossing Jack a towel for his own use.

Helping the Doctor get dressed Donna brushed his hair out, knowing that it wouldn't stay tamed for log, "mummy can we go to the park," asked the Doctor pulling his pants on.

"I don't know baby," she paused unsure. Every time she took the Doctor out it worried her. Something could happen to him, someone could find him, the possibilities of things that could go wrong were endless. Hearing the front door close startled Donna as she handed the Doctor his shirt, "stay here" she warned tiptoeing out of the bedroom. The living room was empty. Donna moved onto the bedroom but Jack wasn't in there or in the bathroom. Realizing he must have just left to get a change of clothes Donna went back to the Doctor who's hair was already messed up. "Is your shirt on backwards," she laughed seeing him trying to adjust it properly.

Using his mouth to help adjust the shirt the Doctor couldn't respond until Donna helped him untangle himself, "I can do it," he whined.

"I know cause you're a big boy," she insisted.

Crawling up onto his bed the Doctor reached out for Donna, "can I have a piggy back ride," he begged.

The one thing she couldn't do was say no to that. Turning around Donna shrunk down so the Doctor could wrap his little arms around her neck and grabbed his legs, "where are we off to," she questioned.

"Television room," cheered the Doctor excited.

Galloping into the living room and bucking the Doctor off Donna flopped down beside him on the couch pulling him into her lap, "what do you wanna do today," she asked.

"Park," yelped the Doctor, "please," he pouted.

She was just about to explain why that wouldn't be a good idea when Jack came back. Hearing the Doctor's please for the park he grinned brightly, "why not mum," he winked.

"You really think two days out in a row is a good idea," she quipped.

Jack came over grabbing the Doctor from her, "do you want to go to the park," he asked.

"Yes," howled the Doctor.

Setting him down Jack pushed him in the direction of his room, "go get shoes and I'll talk to your mum," he told him.

"You think you can talk me into it," Donna mused.

Pulling her to her feet Jack nodded, "yes. We can talk there. Let him have fun. I won't let anything happen to him," he declared.

"Are you sure you can keep him safe," pushed Donna.

Laughing and trying not to take offense Jack nodded, "have I failed you yet? Go get some shoes," he encouraged her as well.

Slipping her trainers on Donna could here Jack egging on the Doctor's enthusiasm. Like he really had to do that. "Can we get ice cream," begged the Doctor.

"Yes," he promised.

"Oi," interrupted Donna and causing both Jack and the Doctor's faces to flash with terror. Donna bent down swooping him up "if you get ice cream so do I," she giggled.

The Doctor's terror filled face quickly turned to a huge toothy grin, "wooo," he cheered.

Walking to the park Donna couldn't help but notice how at ease she was when Jack was around them. She wasn't panicking like when they had to run to the store. She was actually at ease. The was no need for her to worry because Jack had everything handled. As soon as they arrived the Doctor struggled to get off of Jack's shoulders, "be careful," Donna warned as he ran to the play area just a meter away.

"You wanted to talk," Jack reminded her.

Like she really needed reminding. "Yeah," she sighed crossing her leg and getting comfortable on the bench.

"Go on," he urged keeping an eye on the Doctor who was gleefully playing.

Biting her lip Donna worried the hem of her shirt refusing to look at him, "yes," she simply said.

"Yes," Jack repeated confused.

"I've been thinking about what you've suggested. The Doctor loves you. You're great with him. Hell, you're great with me," she began to explain. "I'm going to take you up on your offer. I think it would be best if you move in with us. Especially since its looking more like the Doctor we knew won't be returning," she confessed.

Jack sat there listening to Donna's decision, "on one condition," he started.

"What's that," questioned Donna.

Laughing Jack shook his head, "he's not calling me daddy," he ordered.

"No sir," giggled Donna in conformation pausing for a moment. "Can I ask why," she inquired.

His eyes which had still been watching the Doctor met Donna's, "I'm not fond of those I've flirted with calling me daddy," he confessed making Donna keel over in laughter.

"Fair enough," she gasped between laughs. "I do have one other condition," Donna said sobering, "we're just friends. Nothing funny. Just friends," she repeated.

Nodding Jack reached his hand out, "deal," he agreed shaking her hand. "When do you want me to move in," Jack questioned.

"Whenever. I mean I think the proper thing would to be tell the Doctor first," she realized aloud looking to where the Doctor was playing. "Who is that with him," Donna asked alarmed.

Glancing toward the Doctor Jack saw the same thing Donna did. A dark haired woman was sitting on the far part of the play area next to the Doctor obviously talking, "I don't know," he confessed.

As soon as the words dropped from his mouth both Donna and Jack were in a run for the Doctor. Worried about who this woman was that was talking to him. Peering over his shoulder the Doctor saw them closing in, "mummy," he cheered seeing Donna.

Seeing Donna and Jack the woman got up and started to leave. Reaching the Doctor, Donna grabbed him, holding him close, "what did I tell you about talking to strangers," she pestered.

"I'm not supposed to talk to them," the Doctor answered confused and shaken by the fear flooding from Donna.

She set him down on his feet, kneeling to his level, "they why were you," demanded Donna.

"I wasn't talking to a stranger mummy," he answered.

"You don't know her," Donna spat trying not to shake him at the anger raging within her.

Huffing Jack reached them, "she's gone," he wheezed.

"How can she just be gone? She was just here? Where did she go," pestered Donna now even more scared.

Jack kneeled to meet them, "I don't know," he tried. "Hasn't your mum told you not to talk to strangers," he began to scold.

"She isn't a stranger," pouted the Doctor.

"Then who is she," demanded Donna.

The Doctor's eyes began to well up, "I don't know," he cried.

Realizing how terrifying it must be for his mum and uncle to yell at him Donna took a deep breath trying to calm herself, "I'm sorry baby," she soothed hugging him close to her again. Her eyes met Jack's over the Doctor's shoulder.

"She knew my name. You told me that only friends know our name," the Doctor argued.

If she knew his name then she had to overhear her or Jack using his public name somewhere. But they hadn't been anywhere except the zoo. "Oh God," she gasped still trying to remain calm. "I think she was the lady from the zoo," Donna worried.

Scrunching his face Jack stood up pulling the Doctor with him, "I think we should go," he said seriously.

"Jack we have to figure out who she is," piped Donna. "Why is she talking to him," she worried.

He wrapped an arm around Donna, "we will get to the bottom of this," he promised.


	17. Chapter 17

Donna didn't let the Doctor sleep in his own bed for a week. It took much convincing from Jack as well as a security upgrade to even let him go to the bathroom without her keeping an eye on him. He promised that Torchwood would figure out who the mysterious woman was but in the five weeks since no progress had been made. Well, other than having Jack constantly around the house due to his fast packing. Oddly, Jack living there wasn't as disturbing as Donna had worried about. They had both set their boundaries and that their only goal was to support the Doctor in the best way possible. So what if that meant Donna got to have a cuddle buddy and the Doctor had a constant security guard on call?

Unfortunately, Donna was on high alert tonight. Jack had been called away with an incident that needed to be dealt with. Something with the rift again and the Doctor had unusually wakeful all night. It was times like this that Donna doubted her mothering skills, she had already given the Doctor a bath, read him three stories, and sung him to sleep before he finally entered into a deep slumber. Climbing back into her own bed Donna pulled out the photo album from beside her bed. Flipping through the photographs she couldn't help but think of the fun times she and the Doctor spent together.

Oh what she wouldn't give to go into the TARDIS library and see his half sleeping form on the sofa. He always knew when something was wrong, even if she wasn't willing to admit it. Their late night library chats had been one of her favorite things. Donna would take his half falling book and the Doctor would deny he was sleeping in spite of the loud snores she heard. Then he would realize any normal human would be asleep at this time of night and try to figure out what was wrong. Usually offering Donna a seat beside him and his shoulder, turning the telly on until she was ready to talk. How she missed that, missed him. She just wanted that again. More than anything.

The noise at her door startled her, "mummy why are you crying," questioned the Doctor as he hurried over crawling into bed.

"Nothing's wrong baby," promised Donna as she moved the covers, sliding the book onto her side table and allowing the Doctor to snuggle up to her beneath the bedclothes.

"Why are you crying," he asked again.

Sniffing Donna wiped at her face, "I'm okay baby promise," she reassured him.

Placing his hand on her temple the Doctor met her eyes, "please tell me," he begged.

Donna sighed pressing a kiss to his cheek upset that she had allowed him to see her like this. "Sometimes when adults get sad they cry," she offered.

"But why are you crying," he asked. "Is it because Jack went to work," he pushed.

Dona pulled him closer, "no baby," she assured him.

The Doctor gazed into her eyes, "you can tell me mummy. You know I'm not going anywhere. You'll always have me," he reminded her.

"I know baby, I know," she shushed rubbing circles on his back.

Settling down he rested his head on her still meeting her eyes, "do you love uncle Jack?"

Despite her attempts Donna couldn't hold the laughter in. "I love uncle Jack the same way you do. He's really wonderful," she chuckled.

"But you aren't going to marry him and leave me," the Doctor tried to implore.

She cupped his tiny chubby cheek, "baby I would never leave you either. It's us against the world. Got that?"

Stretching the Doctor smiled as if that was all he needed to hear to make his day. Breaking the temporary silence he opened his mouth forming another sentence, "do you cry because you're lonely," he questioned.

Unsure what to say Donna couldn't believe how insightful he could be at such a young age, "sometimes," she paused, "not all the time," Donna prefaced, "adults do cry when they're sad or lonely, yes," she explained.

"You miss him huh," the Doctor asked.

Confused Donna moved his messy brown fringe from his eyes, "who," she inquired.

"Daddy," he said taking her by surprise. "I see you looking at his picture sometimes, at pictures of you and him. I wasn't trying to be sneaky. You get so sad after," he confessed.

Shit. He had seen her looking at photographs of her and himself. And on more than one occasion. How much of a dunce could she be? "I do get sad sometimes when I look at those," she admitted. "Not a bad kind of sad, rather a happy kind of sad. Those are good memories. Just like the memories we make together," she promised. How else was she going to explain to him that those are really photos of what he'll look like one day and a life he has no recollection of?

Snuggling up to her face the Doctor seemed to accept her answer, "did you snuggle with him like this," he smiled.

"Sort of. Sometimes," she laughed thinking about the times the Doctor would come into her room in the middle of the night trying to wake her excited about something, or eve those more rare occasions when he was willing to seek comfort rather than be the strong one.

Reaching across the Doctor placed his hand on her temple, "feel better mummy," he encouraged before moving his nose back and forth with hers, "eskimo kisses," he offered.

"Yes baby eskimo kisses. Now go to sleep," Donna yawned.

The Doctor laid his head on her pillow staring her in the face, "I love you mummy," he promised.

"I love you too," echoed Donna watching him close his eyes. She laid there watching him, hoping he would stay asleep this time. Hoping that he wouldn't remember how sad she always seemed, that it wouldn't negatively affect him or make her bitter like her own mum. Donna tried to fight her own sleepiness with the constantly wearing thoughts but her stinging eyes won over and closed.

Suddenly she was laying on a table with music playing in the background. Donna was aware of everything going on but unable to move. People were talking around her but she couldn't focus on them. All she could do was focus on the pain and how it raked through her chest. "Bullet shot," she heard one nurse say.

"His heart isn't where it's supposed to be," said a woman, blonde, oh so pretty.

It hurt so much Donna tried to scream. Stop, I'm awake she tried to protest but nothing came out. Nothing changed. Her body just laid there as she was transported to another table. Cold, she was so cold. Until she wasn't anymore. Gold bursts jetted around her as her body ached in protest. It was engulfing. And then as soon as it had begun it was gone.

Donna was surrounded by pale rocks. She was running, struggling, trying to get to the TARDIS. Trying to get the woman in her arms to safety. It hurt to breathe, hurt to think, but every step had to continue. Collapsing at the door surrounded in dust, Donna trembled reaching for her key, willing her hand to still to open the door and get them both to safety. She barely engaged the dematerialization as explosions echoed in her ears and they landed in the vortex. It was all she could do to get the vial in Donna's hand into the girl's mouth before Donna collapsed on the TARDIS grating. It was only then that she realized how different the inside of the TARDIS appeared. Much lighter than the TARDIS she was accustomed to. The girl held onto her as she came to, "Doctor," she said but the rest Donna couldn't make out. The pain was too Earth shattering. It clouded her mind before the gold came back again.

"Don't touch me," a woman yelled pulling away from Donna.

The room was dark and shaking with electrical surges sparking, "I'm not part of the war," she pled, "let me help you."

"Time lord," she spat as if it was the worst thing she had ever encountered.

But Time lords weren't bad. "Yes, I'm a time lord but I'm one of the good ones. Come with me," she begged.

"No, get away from me," the woman growled creating distance between them and locking a door.

Donna tried to open the door, "I'm not leaving this ship without you," she tried as they crashed. Falling to the ground Donna felt something hit her, there was no point to live, no point to go on. So she closed her eyes, everyone she cared about was already dead anyways.

Jerking away there was a woman kneeling before Donna, "we restored your life," the woman said, "you have four minutes," she explained.

"Four minutes, but that's an eternity," complained Donna.

"You have so little breath left. Speak wisely," the woman in red warned. "We can bring you back with our elixir. The war threatens all of reality. You are the only hope," she appealed.

She could feel her life ticking down before her, "it's not my war. I would rather die than fight," she argued.

"You're dead already," the woman in red responded. "The universe stands on the brink. Will you let it fall," she demanded.

Donna could feel her fingers tremble, anger raging in side, "make me a warrior," she acquiesced taking the cup from the woman and drinking its contents. As soon as the chalice dropped the gold radiated from her body.

"Mummy yelped, the Doctor. Jerking awake Donna met the Doctor's tear filled eyes staring right at her, "mummy I had another one," he sobbed.

"Shhh baby, it's going to be okay," Donna calmed wrapping her arms around him and moving him to her chest rather than head level like he had been.

The doctor cuddled into her looking for protection, "mummy they were doing things to me," he sobbed.

"I know baby it'll be okay. Mummy won't let them hurt you. They can't hurt you. It's just a dream," she promised as his snuffles began to slow. No matter what she tried to do his nightmares always came back. Oh what Donna would do to make them stay away.

His trembling arms clutched her shirt, "I don't wanna go back," he cried.

It wasn't fair that he constantly had these bloody nightmares plaguing his sleep. Maybe if they talked it out this particular one wouldn't come back just like the others, "go back to what baby," questioned Donna.

"I don't want to grow up," he shook.

Her heart sank, "I promise when you grow up you won't hurt like that. Mummy is never going to let anything bad happen to you," she declared.

"I don't wanna be an adult. It hurts too much," he whimpered.

Realizing what he said Donna felt even worse about herself. What kind a mum was she being that the Doctor never wanted to experience the type of pain she was in? They both needed Jack whether she was willing to admit it or not. He was the only person that constantly brightened things up around there. "Being an adult isn't like that love," she tried.

"Bad things happen," he argued.

"Yes," she soothed, "bad things do happen baby but so do good things. Good thinks make the bad ones less bad," she tried to explain.

The Doctor looked into her eyes, his lip still quivering, "but it's too much pain. I don't want to hurt like that," he shook.

"You won't hurt. Mummy won't let you," Donna promised.

Laying his head on her shoulder he finally began to calm, "I love you mummy," he sighed.

"I know. I love you too," Donna responded.

She laid next to him watching his breathing until she heard the door click. By now Donna knew the sound of Jack's boots padding across the floor to their room, "rough night," he asked seeing that Donna was still awake.

"You have no idea. Nightmares all night," she sighed brushing the Doctor's fringe out of habit.

Jack walked across taking his suspenders off, "is he asleep," he asked peering at the two of them on the bed.

Looking down Donna could see his eyes fluttering, "I think so," she decided. "How was work," Donna inquired.

Kicking his bots off Jack unbuttoned his shirt, "long. The rift keeps acting up like this with no rhyme or reason. The readings are incredible but we have no idea why," she sighed sitting on the edge and taking his trousers off.

"Hmm," Donna pondered.

"I do have something for you to look at though," Jack grinned.

Laughing Donna shook her head, "we've talked about this," she rolled her eyes.

"Not like that," he giggled. "I have some photographs for you to look at," he revealed.

Donna knew immediately what he was referring to, "you found her," she realized. Carefully moving the Doctor's head from her shoulder Donna covered him with her blanket and snuck from the bed, "well come on don't make me wait," she pestered wrapping a sweater around her and making her way to the living room.

Sitting down Donna watched as Jack pulled out a file folder, "is this her," he asked showing Donna a photograph of a young brown haired woman with shoulder length hair.

"Yes," she exclaimed taking the photo from his hands. "I'm sure of it," Donna assured him, "what's her name?"

Apprehensive Jack showed Donna another photograph, "we aren't sure. We're doing a facial recognition search currently," he answered.

"You aren't sure," she paused seeing the second photo Donna couldn't believe her eyes, "she's from the past then? A time traveler," she questioned seeing at the woman with her hair tucked up clearly from the 1800s.

Jack nodded showing Donna yet another photo, "we believe its Oswin Oswald. Or at least it was at one point. We really aren't sure," he confessed. Every photo in the file were from different era's, "there's more," Jack warned pulling out another one.

"She knows the Doctor," Donna gasped seeing this Oswin with the TARDIS.

Taking another photo Jack looked it over before handing it to Donna, "it appears that way. At the very least she's been following you both for some time," he said.

"She was at the library. Who is she Jack? Is she a time lord," Donna worried.

He shrugged his shoulders before standing and opening a bottle of wine, "I wish I knew. We're on it. We'll know. Soon we'll have her whereabouts tracked and we can ask her ourselves," Jack promised pouring her a glass.

"If she's going to hurt him," Donna worried.

Handing Donna the glass he poured Jack wrapped an arm around her, "I'll never let that happen. You know that," he promised.

Donna shook thinking of all the possibilities, "things are out of our control," she whispered taking a sip.

"You're always taking these things too hard," Jack began.

"Maybe because everything turns to rubbish. We go to the zoo a girl that's been following the Doctor for God knows how long finds us. What am I taking too hard," she roared pushing his arm off of her.

Recoiling to give her a minute Jack just sat there, "he's the Doctor, you have to remember he always finds a way out," he tried.

"He's a child right now. His biggest worry is that you're going to become his dad or that his mummy is sad. He isn't the Doctor right now," she boomed. "You just don't get it. It's a blink of an eye for you. You're so much like him. Well, it's not a blink of an eye for me. It's my entire life. I don't live for thousands of years," she sighed.

Tentatively Jack placed a hand on her shoulder, "I know that. You're still looking for what caused this so are we. We'll get there Donna," he promised.

"You keep saying that and nothing is happening other than the same disappointments, same arguments, same day in day out life," her voice broke as she crumpled into a ball. "I'm not enough to help him find his way back," she cried.

"Mummy," the Doctor softly called standing sleepily in the doorway.

Jack stood to go to him, "come on buddy let's get you back in bed," he suggested.

"I can do it," Donna interrupted wiping her tears away. Scooping up the Doctor she rocked him before laying him in his bed and cuddling up next to him and his favorite robot.

The Doctor watched her briefly, "if you don't live for thousands of years then I don't want to either," he finally said.

Dona couldn't take it anymore, she was like poison to him like this, "life gives us things we can't always handle but somehow we make it through," she said rubbing his back. At least he hadn't caught onto her lies yet so she could still pretend they lived in a perfect world even if she was constantly aware of the daily stressors. She didn't even care who fell asleep first this time. It had been too long of a night and as long as she was beside the Doctor she knew he was safe. She'd give her life to make sure he was safe. Donna would do anything for the Doctor.


	18. Chapter 18

The next few days didn't improve. The rift was acting up and driving aliens to crazy measures meaning Jack was gone most the day and night. And the Doctor's patience with Donna was starting to wear thin as she was forcing him to entertain himself while she tried to whittle the now three million search results down after adding United States to her latest parameter.

"Mummy will you read me a book," the Doctor begged tugging on her arm.

Donna sighed setting her laptop down, "baby I'm busy right now. Give me five more minutes," she tried.

"You said that twenty minutes ago," the Doctor pouted.

Looking at her clock she realized that not only was he right but he was completely exact. It had been twenty minutes since he asked her. But Donna just wanted to get done with this as soon as possible. Every minute spent not looking into sightings of the Doctor in New Mexico and San Francisco with children could mean another day with him stuck as a child. "You're right love," she agreed. "It's almost bedtime," she announced, "how about a bath then book," Donna suggested.

His face lit up as the Doctor jumped on her lap, "yeah," the Doctor cheered wrapping his arms around her neck.

"You also have chocolate on your face," she laughed knowing that as he kissed her cheek at least some would transfer to her.

What she didn't count on was the evil smile the Doctor got immediately before wiping his entire mouth on her ensuring that he face was now the dirty one. "Ewww," she whined as the Doctor giggled.

"Now you need a bath too," he laughed. Donna pulled him into her lap letting her fingers do the punishing as she accosted him in tickles, "mummy no," he yelped as she began to lift his shirt to blow raspberries on his tummy.

The Doctor tried to kick his way free but Donna had too good of a hold on him, "you're all mine," she cackled throwing him over her shoulder as she hauled him off to the bathroom.

Setting him down Donna started the water, "you made my stomach dirty," he said scrunching his face.

"I guess it's a good thing you're taking a bath then," Donna scoffed rolling her eyes at his protestation. Checking the water she noticed the bath was almost ready, "off with your clothes mister," she ordered.

Stripping the Doctor ran at her. Luckily Donna was used to his tactics by now and grabbed him before he tried to dunk her, "mummy," he whined as she sunk him in the tub throwing in his tugboat and spraying whale.

"Don't even mister," she scolded. "What book do you want to read," asked Donna.

Thinking for a moment the Doctor bit his tongue trying to decide, "Harry Potter," he decided on.

"Again," Donna inquired making sure that was really what he wanted.

"Always," the Doctor assured adding a head nod for added effect.

Plopping down on the floor Donna reached in wetting the cloth to wash the Doctor, "twelve pages," she negotiated.

"A chapter," the Doctor mumbled as she washed his face.

Moving onto his stomach which was now also covered in chocolate Donna shook her head, "twenty final offer," she said.

He pondered it as Donna washed his hands and arms then legs, "deal," he grinned.

Donna grabbed his shampoo, squirting some in her hand, "close your eyes," she instructed as the Doctor tilted his head forward to help her access his brown mop. He wriggled under her fingers as she worked his hair into a lather humming with his mouth closed to prevent soap from getting inside it. Something that took him way too many times to figure out how to avoid. "Tilt your head back," she said scooping up water to rinse his hair.

As soon as the water hit his skin the Doctor opened his mouth again, "will you read me two chapters tomorrow," he tried.

"Baby you've already have it memorized," she told him trying to get out of two chapters.

She held her arms out to help him up and rinsed his whole body off, "but you read it better," he complemented.

"I have work to do love," Donna argued grabbing his towel and wrapping it around him.

Scooping him up he pressed a kiss to her cheek, "but you love me more than work," he pouted.

"How about we see tomorrow," suggested Donna flopping him on the bed and picking out spaceship pajamas for tonight.

Unzipping them she sat on the bed holding them out for the Doctor to hop in, "but you'll forget," he worried.

Pausing Donna met his eyes. If only he could understand that everything she was working on was for him, "I promise I will try to stop working earlier so we can have some mummy and me time okay love?"

Smiling he nodded in agreement stepping in, "okay," the Doctor grinned as Donna zipped his pajamas up.

Pulling him onto the bed with her Donna tucked him under the covers, "what chapter were we on," she asked settling herself down.

"Nine. Page one hundred and fifty nine," the Doctor precisely remembered.

Smiling Donna reached for the book off his bedside table and opened to where the book mark was stuck, "you ready," she asked watching the Doctor snuggle in with Kasterborous.

"Yes," he smiled brightly reaching up to rub his eyes.

Knowing that signaled his soon demise to sleep Donna couldn't help but swoon over his adorableness. He really was quite adorable, "'Malfory tricked you,' Hermonie said to Harry. 'You realize that, don't you? He was never going to meet you. Filch knew someone was going to be in the trophy room, Malfoy must have tipped him off,'" Donna began to read.

She looked over and noticed that the Doctor was clutching something in his hand, peering over the book Donna saw he was holding his wand Jack had bought him. Little dork she internally snickered, "Harry thought she was probably right, but he wasn't gin got tell her that. 'Let's go.' It wasn't going to be that simple They hadn't gone more than a dozen paces when a doorknob rattled and something came shooting out of a classroom in front of them."

"Lumos," the Doctor shouted startling her.

Setting the book down for a moment Donna looked him in the eyes, "and what does that mean," she questioned.

"It's a spell. It makes their light go out that was Peeves doesn't see them and make noise," the Doctor beamed.

"Of course it is," she sighed going back to reading, "It was Peeves. He caught sight of them and gave a squeal of delight."

The Doctor frowned, "I guess I wasn't fast enough," he pouted.

"I'm sure you were. We're just at the wrong part of the book," Donna encouraged. Boy did he have an active imagination that was constantly running. "'Shut up Peeves. Please. You'll get us thrown out.' Peeves cackled. 'Wandering around at midnight, Ickle Firsties? Tut, tut, tut. Naughty, naughty, you'll get caughty.'"

He pulled on Donna's arm, "see that's what I said," the Doctor pushed.

"I know baby. You were right but if you don't lay down you'll never fall asleep," she warned. "You'll get caught out of bed at the wrong time," Donna tried to make it more similar to the book so he would be likelier to listen.

Sinking further under the covers his eyes widened, "I don't want Filch to find me," he trembled.

"I know," Donna grinned, "so you better be very quiet and listen to mummy's every word," she hinted. "'Not if you don't give us away, Peeves, please.' 'Should I tell Filch, I should,' said Peeves in a saintly voice but his eyes glittered wickedly. 'It's for your own good, you know.'"

"No," the Doctor yelped, "don't tell Filch," he shook.

Donna couldn't believe how into the books he really got having heard them at least three times. "Shh," she reminded him. "'Get out of the way,' snapped Ron, taking a swipe at Peeves. That was a big mistake. 'Students out of bed!' Peeves bellowed, 'students out of bed down the charms corridor!'"

"Oh no," gasped the Doctor.

Expecting him to be playing along again Donna took a deep breath and glanced over but the Doctor was holding his head, "what's wrong love?"

"I think Voldemort is trying to read my mind mummy. It hurts. It's throbbing," the Doctor answered.

Pressing a kiss to his head Donna stuck the bookmark back in, "you don't have a fever but I think you have a head ache," she explained. "Let mummy go get you some medicine," she said leaving him for a moment. Donna went to the cupboard for a pre Doctor approved medication that Martha had provided them with. She took the squeeze bottle and gathered a few drops inside the administer. "Here you go baby. Open wide," she instructed waiting for the Doctor to open his mouth, "it will make it all better I promise."

The Doctor swallowed scrunching his face, "it taste like pear," he complained.

"I know love but it'll make your head better," she comforted.

He pulled his covers up, "mummy will you sing me to sleep instead," he asked handing the wand to her.

"Yeah baby. I can do that." Donna sat beside him, pulling him close to her, "bones sinking like stones all that we've fought for. Homes, places we've grown all of us are done for. We live in a beautiful world, yeah we do, yeah we do. We live in a beautiful world," she sang rocking him gently. "Bones sinking like stones all that we've fought for. Homes, places we've grown, all of us are done for. We live in a beautiful world, yea we do, yeah we do. We live in a beautiful world, yeah we do, yeah we do," she continued watching his eyes flutter closed. "Oh all that I know. There's nothing here to run from. Cause here everybody here's got somebody to lean on. We live in a beautiful world, yeah we do, yeah we do," she whispered checking to ensure he was fully asleep.

Thankfully he was. Donna snuck out of his bed tucking him in and went back to the couch. She opened her laptop back up and was about to scan some more results when she decided better of it. The truth was she had been ignoring the Doctor too much lately, trying to protect herself, trying to protect him, and it wasn't fair. Not to him. He was just a child. He didn't understand. Closing the computer again Donna crawled in her own bed. Tomorrow would be their day. Whatever he wanted. He deserved a treat for how patient he'd been with her these past few days. One day off couldn't hurt that much right?

Startling herself awake it took Donna's eyes a few moments to adjust to the darkness. It was nearly four in the morning and Jack still wasn't back yet. She heard someone clear their throat in her doorway. Jumping Donna realized it was only the Doctor, "what's wrong baby? Did you have another nightmare," she questioned.

"Donna," he said.

"Yes baby, Donna is mummy's name," she sleepily told him picking up the blanket for him to crawl under. "Uncle Jack's at work come give mummy a cuddle," she suggested.

He just stood there not moving, "Donna it's me," he told her.

"Huh," she yawned turning the light on, "what's wrong love?"

The Doctor took a step towards her, "your name is Donna Noble. I met you on your wedding day. I'm the Doctor, a time lord from the planet Gallifrey," he announced.

Shooting up in bed Donna pinched herself "am I dreaming," she asked.

"No," the Doctor declared.

"You're really you again," she cried going to him. Before he could say anything it sunk in, "oh God you're you. You're back. You remember everything." Donna knew she was moving to the ground but she couldn't focus enough to keep hold of reality as the tunnel closed in.

"Donna," the child Doctor called rushing towards her as she hit the floor.

Coming to she could hear pacing along the floor. Very Doctor like pacing but the strides weren't quite right, "ow," she moaned.

"She's unresponsive on the floor," he said. "Well how long until you get here," he demanded.

Swallowing Donna cold feel her whole body ache, "I can't believe I passed out," she grunted.

"She's awake," he realized moving back to her side allowing the phone he had been on to hit the floor. "Donna can you hear me," he questioned.

Looking into his tiny eyes made her stomach churn. It had been everything he had wished for every day, "this is so wizard," she hoarsely said.

His smile melted any doubt. There was something about it that was so Doctor like, so unlike the child he had been hours before, "that's more like my Donna Noble," he grinned tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Jack is on the way. How are you doing?"

"I should be asking you that," she sighed.

The Doctor laughed, "me? Oh I'm always alright," he promised.

"Yeah, I've heard that one before. How are you really spaceman," she asked starting to sit up.

He started to help her before realizing that he wasn't much help the was he currently was, "other than not being able to do anything on my own, good. Can't wait to get back in my body. Well, my full size body," he confessed.

"You remember everything? How you got like that," questioned Donna.

Sitting before her the Doctor nodded, "I take it you don't," he realized.

Reaching for the pillow he had placed under her head Donna pulled it close, almost protectively, "only a couple things. We were in the US and pretending to be married to adopt a child," she recalled.

"Yes," the Doctor nodded checking the time. "There were a lot of adults going missing in Utah, in their parks. I thought it was odd that the same company who had the highest ratio of infants placed with families were heading the search. Turns out they were being kidnapped and turned back into children," he tried to remind her.

Biting her lip Donna shook her head, "I can't remember any of it," she sighed. "I'm as useless as the TARDIS," she hummed. "Will she be back to working order now that you have all your memories," Donna inquired.

"Oh, that old girl, she's always been alright. Never better actually," he beamed.

Donna looked up meeting his eyes, "you mean now that you are," she ensured.

"Nothing happened to her. Unless, did Jack do something," the Doctor worried.

Taking a deep breath she played with the pillow seam, "I don't know how to tell you this but," she paused, "when we landed the TARDIS, she hasn't been herself."

"Nah," scoffed the Doctor, "she's fine. Just didn't let you two mess about," he told her.

This whole time the TARDIS had been fine. Nothing wrong yet she just left the Doctor the way he was. "Then why didn't she help you," demanded Donna. "She just sat by and let everything happen, let me raise you, let you know nothing of who you are," she growled.

"Oh Donna how thick can you be," he laughed. "Of course she's been there. We're linked. She's been my number one protector," he explained.

"Your number one protector," Donna echoed.

He nodded, "yeah, she was doing a lot of work. Do you think bringing us here to Jack was a fluke? She only had to wait until my brain was receptive. She's been the one helping me with my memories this whole time," he enlightened her.

"What," Donna huffed feeling anger rise inside her.

His hand ruffled his hair carelessly oblivious to her issue, "you really didn't think that I just randomly named my stuffed animal Kasterborous. Everyone knows that Gallifrey is in the constellation of Kasterborous at galactic coordinates ten-zero-eleven-zero-zero by zero-two from galactic zero center," he announced.

"No everyone doesn't know that," spat Donna. They sat there in silence, the Doctor weary of what to say next. How dare he act like she was the stupid one. It's not her fault she didn't know what to do. So what if he named his animal Kasterborous? How was she to know that it was of significance or anything he said? He was just a little boy that wanted her to chase away his nightmares to her. "Oh my god," she gasped. "Your nightmares. They wern't just dreams were they," Donna realized.

Trying to shove his hands in absent pockets the Doctor settled on finding them in his lap, "no," he replied.

In that moment it didn't matter how old he was. Before her Donna saw that scared child begging for his mummy. That all really happened. It wasn't just something she could promise away. This was the Doctor's life, his every day terrors. Terrors that not even she could take away.


	19. Chapter 19

"Donna, Doc," hollered Jack bursting through the front door.

"We're in here," answered the Doctor.

He was clearly out of breath, "you're you," he huffed taken aback of the two of them sitting on the floor. "Is everything okay," Jack asked aware he had walked in on something important.

Pushing herself up off the floor Donna nodded, "yeah. Let's go get your body back," she said. Their earlier conversation wasn't over yet. But maybe he deserved a reprieve for now. At least until he was a full grown adult again.

"Er," the Doctor paused tugging on his ear.

Donna hovered in the doorway in front of Jack, "you can fix this right," she worried.

"Yep," he popped standing. "I think you should stay here," suggested the Doctor, "it would be best," he reiterated.

"Best for who," Donna growled, "because I'm not special like the TARDIS and your precious Oswin I can't come now?"

His eyes widened taken aback by Donna's reaction, "no, no, no, don't do that. It isn't about you," he stopped dead. "Well, it is," the Doctor admitted, "but not like that. You've been there. They'll recognize you. I can't put you in danger like that. What if something happened to you this time? Something worse," he tried to make her understand.

"Oh, but you can go by yourself and get into trouble," she spat. "I don't think so," Donna threatened.

Closing the gap between them the Doctor reached up taking her hand, "they've never seen Jack and don't have a clue as to what I look like now," he tried.

"I can stay on the TARDIS," Donna pled.

Staring at the ring on her finger he spun the cool gold, "like hell you would. We both know that. I can't worry about you right now," he firmly told her.

"What about me? What about my memories? How will I get them back then," she begged.

"I'll fix it. Promise. Just let me get myself sorted first. I need to close them down. Torchwood can do the rest, they can ensue everyone is properly returned," he motioned to Jack.

Nodding Jack cleared his throat, "I'll call my team. We should be going then," he hinted.

"We're not done here," warned Donna, "I have more to say to you mister," she told him.

The Doctor smiled shaking his head, "I bet you do," he laughed. "Come on Jack," the Doctor instructed.

Following them to the door Donna watched the two of them, "Doctor," she said before he left, "come back yeah?"

"Of course Donna Noble," he beamed turning to Jack, "I need your assistance with the stairs," he said. Jack bent down to pick him up, "and if you tell anyone," he began.

Jack chuckled, "I already have enough dirt on you from the past nine months to black mail you through your next twenty regenerations," he laughed.

She watched as the two left her sight and locked the door behind them collapsing to the floor. What was she supposed to do now? How did they move on from this? Was it even possible? Slowly Donna stood, bracing herself against the door. She made her way to the bedroom and removed a suit case. Strolling through her closet Donna began to pack her clothes up. Unsure what for. Beginning to gather her other belongings she carefully put everything in its place, everything but the photo album. Looking at her cell phone Donna wished she knew where they were, if they were safe, what they were doing.

As much as she didn't want him here she didn't want him gone. Crumpling on the floor she grabbed the photograph album again. Clutching it to her chest Donna wasn't sure they could ever go back to the way things were, that she could go back. She'd experienced too much, seen what life could be like. The life she had been robbed of yet again, even if she had only accidently wound up in it.

Opening the album Donna scanned the photos she had memorized so many times by now. Her ruined wedding day, the two of them at the reception. Secret be told Donna was happy of the fact that the photographer had snapped a few of them. The two of them dressed in Roman gear that she had snuck on her phone while at Pompeii, one taken begrudgingly by her Mum to commemorate beating the Sontarans when they came around for tea later. Donna stilled on the photo of Jenny, now a bittersweet reminder of what the Doctor could have had. Something that was yet again stolen from him. On the next page was one of the two of them with Agatha Christie. One of her favorite visits if she was honest with herself. Even the detox wasn't that bad. They looked so gob smacked at the one from the Edifice. Oh the row they had when the Doctor realized they had been transported. She really loved the picture she had taken of the Gallifrian skies with the Chiswick street.

Yet another displayed them in Calcutta before all hell broke loose. Things were never an easy go with the Doctor. One showed them at the art gallery, one of those silly ones you take in the gift shop. Oh, how the Doctor loved little shops. It really was a bit of an obsession. Then again he had many odd quirks that became obsessions like the way he curled his toes when he was content and how he always allowed his hand to linger on her bare stomach tracing circle. Donna took a breath. That was an odd memory. The one Jack had provided of them on the roof top when he biodamped her was next. This was beside her favorite picture of all the Doctor dressed to the nines in his tux and Donna in that beautiful dress she borrowed from Nerys before it was ruined at the astronomy reception for Gramps. It was only tied with one she didn't remember. Donna was in an ivory form fitting dress dancing with the Doctor. They were both obviously unaware of it being taken but the way they were looking at each other sent tingles down her spine.

The rest Donna figured had been manufactured by the TARDIS to provide as evidence for their happy marriage. Their wedding was displayed, the two of them looking madly in love obviously eloping was followed by several of them traveling on what appeared to be a honey moon. One at a beach, others showing them going to a concert. For some reason Donna thought it was the Beatles but that couldn't be right because it wasn't real. None of it was.

There was no mistaking the wheezing sound she heard. Donna knew what it meant. They were home. He was home. Back, not home, the Doctor was back. Back to himself and back to fix her memories. But all she wanted was for them to disappear. She heard a click of the door and resisted the half of her that wanted to run to him and never let go. It was easier to give into the part that wanted to hide from him but Donna was frozen to the ground where she sat.

"Donna," he called coming down the hall.

Her breath hitched realizing that there was only one set of feet meaning Jack wasn't there. Her heart raced with ever step closer he took, "hmm," she said trying to act casual. Maybe too casual.

"Hello," he beamed standing in the doorway.

Donna knew what to expect. She knew when he came back the Doctor would be himself but seeing it was more than her brain could handle, "oh," she gulped taking in his brown pinstripes. "Everything is good? Yeah," she questioned.

"Yes. Same old me," he smiled giving her a wave. "Is that our photographs," he asked walking over and sitting beside her. Nodding she didn't know what to say as the Doctor took them from her flipping through, "this is my favorite," he beamed pointing to one of her laying beneath an umbrella. "You were so mad I took it," he laughed, "tried to make me delete it until I showed you what I saw. The way the light hits your skin and hair frames your face. You're beautiful," he sighed reaching for her hand.

She gulped unsure what to say, "I don't want to regret anything," blurted Donna.

"What would you regret," the Doctor asked curiously, not letting go of her hand.

Staring down at their intertwined fingers she worried her lip. "Telling you," she finally said.

"Telling me what," he pushed.

Licking her lips she closed her eyes not wanting to see the hurt spread across his face, "I can't travel with you anymore," she confessed.

"Oh," the breath escaped from him. "You don't me to help with your memories before you make a decision like that," he clarified.

Shaking her head Donna hoped he would let go of her hand soon, "no," she paused taking a shaky breath, "Doctor I want you to take them."

"All of them," he spat turning to her rather than sit beside her, "Donna," his voice ran out as he tried to form words.

"Just these last few months. I can't face you like this. I can't miss being your mum, being a mum," she answered. "The TARDIS isn't any place for a baby," she explained.

He reached out taking her other hand, "look at me," he pled. Shaking she obeyed his wish, "what is the last thing you remember," he begged.

"Waking up in the HUB," she said.

The Doctor squeezed her hands, "no, before that," he forced.

"It's just, it's bits and pieces, of us in the TARDIS and, and applying for adoption," she stammered.

It felt like he was scooting closer but he wasn't even moving, "before that. What do you remember before that? Donna, please," he implored.

Closing her eyes again Donna relaxed her mind. She had tried this before with the aid of Jack and nothing had resulted. "It's all blank, blackness. Like it's foggy, like I can't grasp it," she huffed opening her eyes, "it's no use. They did this didn't they," she said giving up.

"Can I show you? That morning? That last day? Please," he hoped.

Her eyes fluttered to the wall, "I don't want," she began.

"Donna just one more thing, let me show you, let me help you remember," he tried. "If you don't want to after that I'll do what you want," the Doctor offered.

Debating her decisions she nodded, "and then you'll erase everything? So I don't have to remember? So I don't hurt," her lip quivered.

The Doctor cupped her cheek wiping away a stray tear, "oh Donna Noble I would do anything you asked. Anything," he promised.

Agreeing she nodded, "okay," she said quietly.

His hands searched out her face as he loomed even closer to her. Donna could feel him directly in front of her, his lips just inches from hers. "Oh Donna Noble I hope you forgive me," he muttered.

"Forgive you for," her voice trailed off as she was instantly back aboard the TARDIS. Donna was lying in bed curled up with the Doctor. "In and out," she questioned pressing a kiss to his chest.

The Doctor smiled, "have I ever let you down before," he purred.

"Yes," she giggled moving her hand up his chest to play with a tuft of hair. "And then we go tell mum and gramps yeah," she hinted.

Gulping loudly the Doctor puller her closer to him, "do we have to ruin our honeymoon yet Missus Noble," he hoped.

"And going undercover isn't ruining it," she snapped.

He moved hovering over her, "I think that I'll make it more than worth your while," he charmed dipping his head to her breast, "I have many ways," he reasoned making contact.

Donna opened her eyes, "what the fuck was that? What the fuck is wrong with you," she yelled. "How could you implant false memories like that," she demanded slapping him across the face.

"It's not like that. It's real. We weren't pretending. We're married," he volunteered. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. It wasn't supposed to go this wrong," he explained.

Standing Donna stormed out of the room, "why are you doing this," she snarled.

"Because we were happy, because I, I love you," he offered.

Turning she raced towards him angrily, "two hours ago I was your mum. Fuck, I've been your mum for the last nine months. And I was a rubbish one at that. I couldn't figure out how to fix you and you deem me unfit because the TARDIS did all the work," she berated.

"In no way did I mean what you did wasn't good enough. You're brilliant. I know you did the best you could. You always do," he clarified. "Donna, I wouldn't have made it through without you," he urged.

She paused, "then tell me this," she began, "tell me why I don't remember any of it? Hmm? If we were married why don't I even remember that?"

"I'm not sure. Possibly your human brain couldn't take the trauma that they tried to put you through. I had to get you to safety. They had just begun the wipe, maybe it got more than I thought," he confessed.

Donna took a deep breath trying to calm herself to listen to what he was about to say, "what wipe," she asked.

"They wipe memories before they turn their victims back into infants. They found out we weren't who we said we were and took me. I tried to fight it, tried to get to you as they wiped my memories and injected me. It didn't work they way they expected. The last thing I did was get you to safety. I had to. I couldn't let them ruin my Donna," he pointed out.

He had tried to save her. His last moment as the Doctor was to try to get her back to the TARDIS. To ensure she was safe even though he wasn't. "I don't remember any of it. I don't. I can't. I'm so confused," she sobbed.

Wrapping his arms around her the Doctor hugged her tight, "shhh, it's alright," he soothed. "We're going to figure this out, one step at a time. I promise," he declared.

"Why didn't the TARDIS help me remember," she cried.

The Doctor pressed a kiss to her hair, "I think she knew it would just confuse you more. I believe she did try. Jack told me about your flash backs. I think that was her. She wouldn't leave you unprotected. You're hers as much as I am now," he assured her. "Your human neural inputs don't work quite the same way as mine do," he explained, "the connection you two have isn't the same," offered the Doctor.

Pulling away from him she wiped her face, "what do I do? Just let you give me my memories back and all my feelings return? Everything we just went through doesn't matter? I was your mum," Donna paused realizing, "I bloody breastfed you. Oh my God," she shrunk.

"We'll make it through just like we always do," the Doctor offered. Walking over to the refrigerator Donna pulled out a half drank bottle of wine, "it's the morning," he reminded her.

She snickered, pouring herself a glass, "I'm well aware. Like we've ever been confined by time before spaceman," shuddered Donna. "This is all a lot to take in. I just. I need to mull it over."

"I can make it all better if you let me," he tried.

"By giving me all my memories back. Yeah, you mentioned that. But it doesn't change the conflicted feelings I've been having or the fact that I'm your wife and pranced around pretending to be you mum," she chided relaxing on the couch. "It's a bit to make sense of. You're telling me all these things but nowhere in any of the Torchwood files did it say so. There are documents blacked out with future companions. Not one word about me," she realized aloud.

He sat down beside her, "they don't know everything," he offered. "If you let me fix your memories we can go from there. I remember everything that has happened since turning back," he reasoned. "I know you lost some things. I don't blame you for you know," the Doctor hinted.

"No. I don't know. What don't you blame me for," she huffed.

He reached up tugging on his ear, "Jack," he said. "I know he's very handsome. All my companions have had a thing for him at one time or another," disclosed the Doctor.

"You think we? Oh God. I knew," she cackled. "Nothing happened," she divulged.

The Doctor's hand moved from his ear to his neck, "there is no reason to lie. Neither of you knew you were married. Now you know but if you love him. I could. I would. You two could be together. If you don't want to be with me that is," he fretted.

Setting her glass down Donna reached across, "we kissed. Once. Something could have happened that night but it didn't. I wouldn't lie to you about this," she insisted gazing into his eyes.

They were in the TARDIS library sitting on the settee, "don't do that ever again," insisted the Doctor.

"You can't keep me safe spaceman," she dismissed his concern.

His hands were on her face pulling her to him, "Donna I wouldn't be able to go on without you. I'd be lost," he confessed.

"You'd find yourself another pretty blonde," she scoffed.

Leaner closer the Doctor pressed his lips to hers allowing one hand to tangle in her hair as the other remained on her chin, "you are irreplaceable," he declared giving her room to breathe.

"What was that," panted Donna.

Beaming the Doctor released his hold on her, "I'm sorry. I got carried away. I. Why don't you see how magnificent you are," he stuttered.

"This is where you yell detox," Donna reminded him, "you ate something right? Someone tried to poison you?"

His face stilled, "I would call it more of a spell," the Doctor tried to explain. "I love you Donna Noble," he proclaimed.

"Donna, Donna are you okay," the Doctor called.

Opening her eyes, she was laying on the couch facing the ceiling, "I. We were on the TARDIS," she recalled. "You told me you loved me," she said in disbelief.

"I do," he maintained.

She sat up, "don't touch me. Did you do that? Was that memory from you," exploded Donna.

Holding his hands up innocently the Doctor shook his head, "no. It wasn't me," he reassured her.

"I need time. I need to think," demanded Donna. Agreeing the Doctor sat back from her, "alone," she trilled.

Standing the Doctor watched her, "I'll be here when you're ready," he encouraged leaving her in the flat.


	20. Chapter 20

How did she wind up here? What the hell had she done to deserve this? Nothing made sense anymore. It was her own fault really. Donna had hoped for the day the Doctor would come back and now that he had everything turned into a bigger mess than it was before. How the hell did he think she could just walk away from everything they went through, everything she went through. It wasn't that simple, not for her at least. She was mad, no furious. And if Donna didn't find a way to cool off she was going to burst.

Angrily she made her way for the shower, turning the water on cold to shock her body into something else, it had to feel something other than this. Because right now all she wanted to do was slap the Doctor senseless and hug him forever. She was too conflicted. Stripping Donna slipped under the freezing water clicking the door behind her. It felt like ice cubes raining down on her.

"Go away," the Doctor moaned, "I'm fine," he lied.

Pushing his ensuite door open Donna swallowed hard seeing him sprawled on the shower floor, "like hell you are," she rebuked him. He was hunched over holding a wound and allowing the water to wash it away. It looked to Donna as more like he was just bleeding out, "why didn't you go to the medbay," she demanded turning the water off.

"I can handle it. Have for the past 900 years," he grunted. Kneeling beside him Donna put pressure on the wound, "how did you know something was wrong," he asked as she inspected it.

She looked up briefly meeting his eyes, "like always. The TARDIS told me. Come on, help me get you to the bed you big loaf," she smiled still keeping pressure.

"I'm fine Donna. Time lord," he reminded her but she wasn't having it.

"If you don't let me help you and bleed out until you regenerate I'll have your neck and make you regenerate again," she spat.

Knowing he was done for the Doctor helped her support him as they hobbled to the bed, "usually you're in here under much different circumstances," he purred.

"Stop being sly. It's not going to work," she cautioned. "I'll be right back. Don't you dare move," she ordered. Moving to the medical area Donna grabbed some goo that the Doctor had used on her several times before to help cuts heal and a couple bandages and cleaning supplies to cover it up until his time lord abilities kicked in. When she walked in the Doctor had his hand inside the open wound, "what the hell are you doing," she yelled.

His eyes rolled to her, "inspecting the damage," he murmured. "It's superficial, missed my kidney thankfully. I love these kidneys," he smiled weakly removing his now bloody hand.

Donna sat beside him, "you're a complete and utter dunce," she accosted beginning to clean the wound.

"You love me," the Doctor mocked. She opened the antiseptic allowing it to touch the damaged skin, "ow," he gasped.

Leaning in and blowing on it gently she smiled, "stop being such a baby. God only knows why I've fallen for a five year old," she sighed wiping it off before administering the goo and a bandage to keep it covered.

"Because one day you'll be my wife and the mother to my children," he grinned flopping his head back onto the pillow.

Taking the used supplies Donna shook her head, "now I know you've lost a lot of blood," she snickered at his craziness getting a wet cloth to wash his hand free of his own blood.

Very seriously the Doctor reached for her hand, "I'm serious," he protested wiping blood on her accidently. Pointing to the bureau the Doctor motioned for her to go look, "under the ties," he instructed.

Wearily Donna stood still holding the wet cloth. She opened the drawer with her clean hand fishing around, "what am I," she stopped feeling a box. Immediately she knew what it was, "you're bloody serious," she gushed removing the box from its hiding place.

"Come here, bring it to me," he begged. Stunned she didn't know what to do. Donna numbly followed his words returning back to his side and handing him the box. "I've been keeping this safe for you. Been trying to find the right time. I guess now is as good as any," he said opening the box.

Inside was a gold band, her gold band, the gold band from the first day they met, "Doctor," she whispered.

"Donna Noble will you do me the honor of becoming my lifelong companion. As long as we have together," the Doctor asked.

Shocked, the only thing she could do was nod as he placed the ring on her finger, his bloody fingerprints getting all over the two of them. "That certainly was never the way I expected a proposal," she finally croaked leaning in to kiss him.

Donna sat up realizing that she had sunk to the shower tile. To say she was angry before had been an understatement. She was fuming now. Turning the water off Donna pulled her wet hair into a pony tail, slipping on a tunic and jeans. This was going to stop now. She marched out of the flat and down the stairs, across the street and directly into the hub, "stop it," she shouted startling the Doctor and Jack.

"Stop what," he inquired jumping up confused.

"Stop making me remember when I don't want to. You and your bloody TARDIS. I know the two of you are in it together," she yelled.

His body sunk in realization as he walked aboard the TARDIS, "I'll fix this," he told Donna as she followed him, refusing to let him hear the end of this. The Doctor bent under the console picking up his wooden mallet, and gave the TARDIS a bang, "she needs time. It's all she's asking for," the Doctor said met with a hum. "I know you're trying to help old girl but it's just making things worse," he tried to explain to the machine.

Before Donna could say anything the doors snapped closed, "Doctor," she threatened grabbing hold of the railing.

"It wasn't me," he hollered pushing buttons on the console as they were shaken about. As they stabilized Donna's foot slipped from beneath her and she fell on her bum, "are you alright," the Doctor asked rushing to her side.

Nodding she smoothed out her clothes allowing him to help her up, "no thanks to your machine," she spat. Turning Donna tried to open the doors but they wouldn't budge, "you better find a way to make her mind," she growled.

"You know as well as I do that she has her own mind," he remarked trying to push them open for himself. "I think you really made her mad this time," he commented using his shoulder.

Donna's eyes narrowed her anger heating up, "I. Made. Her. Mad," she enunciated.

"Well," he began tugging on his neck.

"Don't you even dare. You hit her. All I wanted was for her to leave me the hell alone," shouted Donna. "What is it with you and her? Two peas in a pod you both are. Always messing about not understanding when someone needs to be alone to think. I just want to go home," she sobbed running to the room that had once been hers.

Opening the door Donna at once felt naked. Everything she had expected to be there was gone. Even her bed. "Donna," he called running after her. He saw her blank expression at seeing the now empty room. "Everything is in my room now," he said clearing his throat, "I mean our room. It's in our room," the Doctor clarified.

"Our room," she echoed.

Stepping closer he held his hand out to her, "together," he suggested.

Staring at his hand Donna noticed something she hadn't before. On his left ring finger was a simple gold band much like her own. She could feel the hair on the back of her neck stand, "our room," Donna murmured again trying to absorb all the new information she had gained today. She moved closer but didn't dare take his hand yet. It was still so new. "Show me," she insisted.

Carefully watching her the Doctor walked to the room that Donna had always thought of as his. He opened the door, stepping inside, "you moved in the same day we got engaged," he said still analyzing her every move.

Before her was his blue bedroom, with her touches noticeably there. Her things were strewn across the left side table and there was a new bureau just for her with her jewelry and makeup covering it. Photos of them were hung on the wall, the one with the two of them dancing and one of their honeymoon as well as wedding. Stemming from the room were three doors. One Donna was sure went to the ensuite but the other two she couldn't quite remember seeing before. Opening the closest door she found a massive closet full of clothes, hers and the Doctor's. She came back into the room and walked towards the other, "Donna don't," he protested but she went for it anyways.

Inside was not what she expected. It wasn't a closet after all. Before her was a beautifully decorated room, resembling her favorite photograph from the Edifice. A rocking chair sat in the corner and against the wall was a crib, "we didn't," she started swallowing the word down.

"No, not yet," he answered understanding where her mind was going.

She walked over caressing the crib, "then why," Donna asked.

"We wanted to start a family as soon as possible," he softly responded.

Licking her lips she nodded, "okay," she murmured.

"Okay," questioned the Doctor.

"Okay," she decided closing the distance between them. Donna reached out taking is hand and gazed at the gold band he wore, "I want to remember that," she resounded.

His eyes light up as brightly as his two dimple smile, "really? All of it," the Doctor ensure.

"I'm not saying that I'm not going to need time," she reasoned, "I just want to remember that. I mean I think I should have all the information before I make a decision yeah," she decided.

Letting go of her hand the Doctor raised his finger tips to brush her temples, "it's going to feel like a rush. Things might be a bit confusing," he warned.

"I think things we're way past that," she chuckled.

The Doctor met her brilliant blue eyes, "are you sure," he asked needing her full permission.

"Yes," Donna nodded. She closed her eyes feeling his hands more firmly grasp her temples.

Before she could ask him what was taking so long images rushed through her mind, images, videos, scenes, stories. Everything he said and more. She felt her face flush remembering all the times they had been intimate, how he had seen her, cataloged every reaction and how she liked his various techniques. The cold the felt, when stuck in the snow and how he promised to get her out of there and to find the TARDIS. When they married on the diamond coral reefs of Kataa Flo Ko and honeymooned at the lightening skies of Cotter and at the beach on the fifteenth broken moon of the Medusa Cascade before he told her his name. His name. He told her his true name. How could she have forgotten that? Oh and the way she felt in his arms, oh God. The way he made her feel, like she was the only woman in the world. Because to him she was. Just like in that photograph taken one of the first nights after their wedding, dancing on Kataa Flo Ko. She loved him. Really, honestly loved him. And more for the course he love her. It was all so much, too much. She couldn't handle all these memories. "I think I'm going to," she tried to stammer out feeling the world whirling around her.

"Donna," he called wrapping his arms around her and helping her to the bed. "Shhh, I've got you," he promised. Just like he always did.

Forcing her eyes open she could see the fear in his eyes, "you," she murmured running her hand over his cheek.

"Hello there," he greeted. Donna couldn't stop looking at his brown pools of honey but they kept fading despite her trying. "Stay with me, you can do it," he encouraged.

She tried to focus on him, on his voice but it was all too much. "So many things to process," she muttered laying her head back, "good time for sleep," Donna exhaled.

Donna always thought that sleeping was the time that memories were made, and that's where dreams came from. Tidbits spliced together from the day that turned into something else. But for her, the deepest, most relaxing sleep she ever got was this. Memories floated right back where they once had been as if they were never gone in the first place. The only thing that told her they didn't was the memory of the last nine months. Of the time she spent with the baby Doctor and with Jack and, "Theta," she gaped shooting up.

"Shhh. I'm right here," he soothed.

Gulping in air she heaved heavily, "your name is Theta," she gasped.

The smile across his face made her stomach flutter, "yes it is," he agreed. "How do you feel," the Doctor inquired.

"Insane," laughed Donna reaching for his hand. Pausing she stopped before their fingers touched. "I still need time, I need to think things through," Donna insisted.

The Doctor tried not to let his disappointment show but his smile had already drooped enough for Donna to tell, "okay. Whatever you need," he agreed.

"Can you take me home," her voice squeaked.

Forcing a smile on his face the Doctor nodded, "back to the HUB," he announced standing. He reached out, extending a hand to help Donna up but she just laid there.

"Not to the HUB flats," she corrected, "back to my mum's," Donna asserted.

His eyes widened, "you want to go to your mum's after everything that she said and did to you," his voice boomed.

"It's my home," she offered.

The TARDIS hummed interrupting her, "this is your home," the Doctor argued.

"You said you would give me as much time as I needed," she shot obviously hurt.

His hand reached out for her, "I will," he began sitting down to be level with her, "I'm worried that your mum's wouldn't be the best place for you," he explained.

"Other than you hating her," Donna

The Doctor's hand came to rest on hers, "Donna I may have been an infant but I remember everything. I remember the hurtful words she said to you. She wasn't supportive at all. Do you really think that is the best place," he cautioned.

"She's my mum. She and Gramps are the only family I have left," Donna rebutted.

Gently tracing circles on her hand the Doctor nodded in understanding, "your family is much bigger," he disagreed. "You have Jack and Martha, even me," he objected.

"So what then? Go back to the flat? How can I gain perspective there," she spat.

Hope dashed in his eyes, "what about here," suggested the Doctor.

"I need time away," she deflated, "away from you," Donna concluded.

Removing his hand from hers the Doctor ran it through his thick hair, "oh," he hummed trying not to let his feelings show, "how much time," puzzled.

"I don't know," stated Donna with a shrug, "I wish I did," she added.

Standing a smile broke across his face, "alright then, pick a place, any place and I'll pay for it. It's the least I could do. I owe you so much more Donna," he offered.

She couldn't believe her ears. For this to be as easy as he acquiesced. Could their relationship really be as grand as she remembered it and as the Doctor let on for him to just let her go like that? "Truth be told I just want to be in London," she sighed.

"London, England, Earth, I can to that," cheered the Doctor bonding to the console.

Reluctantly Donna followed, "make sure you land us in the right time zone," she reminded him.

"Oh Donna you still doubt me," he winked.

Sitting on the jump seat she could feel her cheeks redden, "you aren't exactly known for your great navigational skills," she laughed.

"Donna Noble I take offense at that," he feigned hurt.

Parking the TARDIS on a London street Donna realized the Doctor was still clutching the brake with his eyes closed, "I guess I should go now," she began.

"You don't have to," he croaked shoving his hands in his pockets but refusing to face her.

Her heart was breaking, he looked so broken without her but right now needed to be about her, "I really do," affirmed Donna.

"I guess this is goodbye then," he softly said turning to face her.

Donna took a step closer to him, "not goodbye. I only need a bit to think," she tried to ease his fear.

"Time that you cannot define," the Doctor remarked allowing silence to linger between them. "Can I visit you," he asked hopeful.

Biting her lip Donna wanted to say yes but she knew she needed to say no. If she agreed, he'd never give her a day alone, "I think it would be best if you don't. I'll call you," she promised.

"Okay," he agreed hanging his head down.

What was she doing? This was insane. Right? She was better with him. Yeah? Gramps always said so. So what if her mum hated him, she hated Donna on her best day. "Doctor, it's not forever," she promised.

"Not yet," he acknowledged.

She reached for his hand, "I don't know if I can be what you need," Donna confessed.

"All I need is you," the Doctor almost begged. "Donna, please don't go," he pled.

Licking her lips she stared at his trainers letting go of his hand, "I can't stay. Not right now," she explained. "I'm sorry," Donna apologized leaving him alone at the console as she walked towards the door. With a deep breath Donna pushed the door open leaving the Doctor behind and allowing the TARDIS to close behind her.


	21. Chapter 21

Twenty-four months later

Waking to a cry Donna rubbed her eyes forcing the blanket off and padded to the nursery. She could feel her full breasts crave release. Turning the night lamp on Donna peered over the crib edge at her precious daughter who cooed in delight seeing her mummy.

Gathering Aurora in her arms Donna got comfortable in the rocking chair, adjusting her top so Aurora could properly latch. Donna was a pro this time around, then again Aurora was also a fast learner. Future super temp just like her mum.

Rocking while she fed Donna began to sing, "I wanna live life and never be cruel. I wanna live life and be good to you. I wanna fly, and never come down. And live my life, and have friends around. We never change, do we? No, no. We never learn, do we? So I wanna live in a wooden house. I wanna live life, and always be true. I wanna live life," and be good to you," sang Donna rocking her beautiful baby girl.

Gently Donna stroked her finger across Aurora's sucking face pausing to listen to the little satisfactory grunts she made. "Mummy loves you," she declared watching her daughter feed. There was something so relaxing about nourishing your child that Donna just couldn't put her finger on.

"Where is your daddy," she asked the infant, "is he working again," she laughed as Aurora's tiny fingers came to grasp her breast fearful she was going to end her midnight snack sooner than she wished.

Aurora's eyes began to close as she sucked, "sleeping on the job again," snickered the Doctor.

"Oh you know how these things work. You get comfortable and then all you want is to relax and sleep," chuckled Donna.

He joined them walking over to Aurora and pressing a kiss to her forehead jolting her awake, "all too well," he smirked making Donna blush.

"What's Jack up to," she inquired wiping the bubbles sneaking out away from Aurora's mouth.

Leaning up against the crib the Doctor shoved his hands in his pockets, "what he's always doing I suppose. Want me to get him for you? You could make him take over the dirty work, give her the old tag team like the good old days," chided the Doctor.

Before Donna could remark Aurora gave a satisfied sigh and released, "can you hand me that cloth," she requested moving Aurora to a burp position.

The Doctor placed the rag on Donna's shoulder allowing his hand to linger longer than it needed to. Aurora's eyes were set on the Doctor watching his every move, "I think someone wants to play," he announced.

Donna shook her head as she began to rub circles on Aurora's back helping the air bubbles come back up, "just because you're a bloody time lord," she sighed. "It's the middle of the night, really now," Donna scolded as the Doctor bent down.

Inhaling deeply he rose with a satisfied smile, "always have loved the smell of babies," he commented.

"I know you. I see you sniffing her every time you get a chance," giggled Donna.

Returning to his perch by the crib he shrugged his shoulders, "it's the innocence. I haven't smelled innocence like that in a long time," he confessed, "since you," the Doctor supplied.

"Oi, watch it spaceman," chided Donna.

Aurora let out a tiny belch and hummed satisfied, "just like her father," he congratulated the child.

"Yeah, and he won't let me forget that any time soon will he love," she sighed bringing the baby back to rock in her arms.

He leaned in watching Aurora's big blue eyes flicker open and closed, "I can do that," he offered.

"You'll have her up all night playing," she reminded him.

Laughing the Doctor shrugged, "so let her," he whispered, "I'm fine to stay up so mummy can sleep," he added.

Rolling her eyes she snickered, "of course you would. But we both know who would be grumpy tomorrow and refuse to feed," she hinted.

"Me? Refuse food? Never," he joked. "Come on," he begged, "I have a surprise for you," hinted the Doctor, "sooner she's asleep sooner you can see," he tried to bribe.

With a lick of her lips Donna looked down at the tiny child in her arms, "it can wait," she decided, "I'm perfectly fine right here. You were up with her last night," she explained.

The Doctor nodded sliding down onto the floor, "really need to add another chair," he realized.

"Shhh," whispered Donna rocking Aurora, "she's almost asleep.

Placing a hand on her knee he leaned up to gather a look at the sleeping baby, "just because I'm losing doesn't mean I'm lost, doesn't mean I'll stop, doesn't mean I will cross," sang the Doctor watching them. "Just because I'm hurting doesn't mean I'm hurt, doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve. No better and no worse," he continued. He couldn't help but smile when Aurora let out a small contented sigh smiling as bright as her mum, "I just got lost. Every river that I've tried to cross and every door I ever tried was lock," the Doctor began again, "oh and I'm just waiting till the shine wears off," he beamed.

He reached up cupping Aurora's head as Donna nicked his knee with her toe blushing, "you might be a big fish in a little pond," she interrupted, "doesn't mean you've won," she paused sticking her tongue at the Doctor. "Cause along may come a bigger one and you'll be lost," she blushed, "every river that you tried to cross, every gun you ever held went off," she said raising her eye brows.

"Oh and I'm just waiting till the firing starts," the Doctor rang out before Donna could, "oh and I'm just waiting till the shine wears off. I'm just waiting until the shine wears off," he whispered noticing that Aurora's breathing rate had decreased. "I've got her," he assured Donna taking her.

Watching him with Aurora was always something else. It reminded Donna of how lucky she was and what her life could have been lacking, "mummy loves you," she said pressing a kiss to Aurora's head.

The Doctor lingered over the crib, adjusting the blankets with his free hand before laying his daughter peacefully in bed, "so does daddy and I've got two hearts," he bragged.

"Theta," she exclaimed kicking at his leg after he was clear of Aurora.

"One for each of you," he squeaked rubbing where she had connected. Reaching his hand out for her to take the Doctor bowed, "milady," he purred.

Donna gave him a huff before reaching for his hand, "now I know you've got something up your sleeve," she gawked.

Before she could take it the Doctor shook out his sleeves, peering suspiciously up each one, "nope, nothing," he hummed helping her up and pulling her to him.

"You are a great big outer space dunce," she clarified.

The Doctor dipped her leaning in to kiss, "I must be to have fallen for you," he disclosed.

"What is with you tonight? On your A game tonight," she mocked.

Pulling her back upright he grinned brighter than the Cheshire cat, "turn around," he instructed pulling something from his pocket.

"Blindfolds now," Donna jeered.

He flashed the tie before her eyes, "ties are much classier," the Doctor argued wrapping it around her head and tying it.

"I swear to God if it's another man eating plant," Donna warned.

She could feel his breath against her neck, "I think I learned my lesson," he promised.

"You better have," she dared.

Directing her to turn the Doctor pushed Donna to the left, "hold still," he instructed leaving her side. Feeling his hands come up beside her head Donna couldn't help but smile, "ready," he asked.

"Well that depends on what danger you're about to get me in," she scoffed.

The tie fell from her eyes and standing before Donna was the Doctor holding a cupcake with two light candles, "happy anniversary," he bubbled.

Rolling her eyes she leaned in allowing their mouths to meet. "How did I wind up with the biggest catch," Donna gloated carefully wrapping her arms around his neck ensuring that the cupcake was safe.

"I'm so glad you chose to come back," the Doctor declared, "together," he hinted bring the light candles between the two of them.

"Like always," she gushed taking a deep breath.

His gaze met hers, "three, two, one," counted down the Doctor as the both blew out the candles.

Scooping a bit of frosting with her tongue Donna licked it down, "mmm, chocolate," she moaned.

Moving closer the Doctor licked a bit of frosting from beside her lips, "does taste good," he agreed forgetting about the frosting and focusing on Donna's lips instead. "Have I told you how much I love you," the Doctor questioned.

"Yeah, yeah, with both of your hearts," she giggled.

Pulling back the Doctor set the cupcake down, "well," he paused, "you only have one of them now," he blurted.

Her hand came up smacking his shoulder, "prawn," she scolded.

"Honestly, I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't returned to me," he continued leaning in for another kiss.

Donna reveled in the feel of his arms around her waist, "I would have been stupid not to. I was stupid to leave in the first place," she confessed meeting his lips once again.

Lifting her up the Doctor guided them towards the counter as Donna's legs wrapped around his slim waist. Hands tangling in her hair Donna turned her own attentively to the buttons on his shirt. His hands traveled down pulling her top for better access as his mouth followed the dip of her breasts, allowing for his tongue to investigate in his usual track. Reveling in the way his cool tongue felt against her skin Donna's hands began to wander down, focusing on his trousers, "need a spotter," interrupted Jack.

Quickly separating Donna couldn't help but pant trying to catch her breath, "Jack, I didn't think you'd be back so soon," the Doctor stuttered.

"Don't stop on my account," he winked grabbing a beer from the fridge.

Wrapping his arm possessively around Donna's waist the Doctor met Jack's eyes, "what I don't understand is why the TARDIS didn't inform us you were back aboard," he said obviously embarrassed at the circumstances they were caught.

"No need to worry," Jack intoned, "you should be proud that two still go at it like newlyweds," he complemented. "I'll just be leaving you be," he paused, "unless you want to take me up on one of my offers," Jack waited.

Snickering Donna shook her head interlacing her fingers with the Doctors, "no thanks," she declined. "You can have the kitchen, we were just about to turn in anyways," she mused leading the Doctor away.

"I can see that," observed Jack staring at the Doctor's open fly.

Realizing what Jack was looking at the Doctor cleared his throat while zipping his trousers again, "come on," tugged Donna.

Following her like a puppy the Doctor watched carefully as Donna walked into their bedroom, turning to face him and finished unbuttoning her shirt and let if fall to the ground. Standing before him in just underwear slid her pony tail off allowing her hair to frame her face, "do you need an invitation," she purred.

Instantly the two of them were on the bed, tangled limbs, mangled kisses, and whispered promises of the forever they both deserved. Worshiping her body like he'd been craving to over the last month since their previous interrupted encounter when Aurora had woken earlier than expected the Doctor ensured Donna felt how much she was loved, wanted, desired.

Panting with release Donna fell on top of him, their two sweaty bodies intermingling the way they were always meant to be. "How's that for a rain check," she huffed.

"Okay," the Doctor pondered aloud, "about a five out of ten," he rated.

"Five out of ten," huffed Donna pulling the sheet around her and sitting up, "fine I'll go see what Jack thinks," she declared.

Pulling her back to him the Doctor spooned her tightly, "ten out of ten like always," he relented pressing a kiss to the side of her neck before settling in his chest to her back. "I love this," he commented resting his chin on her shoulder.

"And I love you," she murmured relishing in the post coital feel of his arms around her.

Allowing his hand to stray up and down her arm the Doctor watched his satisfied wife, "Donna," he began, "as much as I do love this," he paused, "do you think, possibly, we should try for another," the Doctor hinted.

"So soon? It's only been three months," chided Donna. "How about we have this conversation again when she's a year," she suggested, "I can actually be your companion again instead of letting Jack have all the fun."

His hand strayed down to her stomach possessively holding it, "or we could let nature take its course," he proposed.

Turning her head to meet his gaze Donna knew from one look there was more that he wasn't saying, "are you trying to tell me something," she gawked gazing into his brown pools of honey. The Doctor's smile said everything, he was rubbish at keeping secrets from her, "really? You can tell already," she insisted.

"Yep," the Doctor popped proud of himself, "time lord," he reminded.

Rolling her eyes Donna met his mouth, "you never let me forget it either," she hummed knowing he was proud of his super space sperm once again, "I guess Aurora will have to get used to being a big sister then," she sighed.

"She'll be a great sister," he agreed.

Silence lingered between them as the Doctor and Donna began to drift off, "you know what this means," Donna finally mumbled.

"What is that," he lazily questioned.

Taking a deep breath Donna held onto his hand that was still against her stomach, "another visit to mum is in order," she explained feeling him try to recoil immediately.

"Donna," he whined.

She pressed his hand flat to her stomach, "it's been a few weeks," she reminded him, "besides mum will be ecstatic with the news. You know how she dotes on Aurora," she speculated. "And," Donna paused, "we could ask her to babysit, have a little alone time without Jack lingering around," she hinted.

"To your mum's it is," the Doctor cheered in her ear, "shall I go land us now?"

Laughing Donna leaned up kissing him over her shoulder, "after sleep," she ordered.

"After sleep it is," the Doctor approved watching Donna fall asleep in his arms.


End file.
